I did not do any physical interaction but messages, pics, and sending videos online to the other person was worse enough. I am currently mending my relationship with my husband. It has been about a month since he found out and I am so ashamed. Even though we had our ups and downs I felt like he did not want me and found me unattractive. The way my husband would look at me or the words he would say to me hurt so bad. But I vented to the wrong person and our conversations took the wrong direction. I have read so many self-help articles to help myself. I live in another country so I have no one else to talk to but my husband about what happened. I don't want to tell anyone I know because I am afraid to be judged or ruin friendships. This incident already ruined too many lives. My husband seems like he wants to mend things with me but he still throws words my way here in there, like slipping them into our conversations. It stings. No telling how long it will take to wash this pain away from the both of us and the others that it has effected.

This is the exact situation I'm in!

I've read so many self help books as well about cheating and trying to learn to love myself

I am new to this chat group but I came on here for support. Whether your the cheater or cheated. When reconciliation is involved your stating that you both forgive and choose to put the past. Behind you starting a new. This is not easy there are days triggers can be pushed and memories are recalled that you truly wish you could forget. Everyone talks about the one betrayed and there are a ton of support groups to help them heal cope and even definitions of cheaters loads of inexcusable reasons and explanations. But where are the supports for the cheater!! Yes they need support to no one understands that although there are heartless callous people other there. Not everyone intends to cheat on there significant other. I was in a marriage 16 years. I was unhappy. My life revolved around duty obligation child rearing and nothing left for me. I felt unappreciated, unloved and diserted. So I left my marriage I did it the only way I could considering the circumstances. My marriage felt dead. My husband refused to take No for an answer.. Could there have been a better way sure. My family never supported our marriage it felt like all the odds were against us anyway. So I separated took the children fled and prevented him from interfering in my bitter plan to rebel against any way of me feeling feel righteous independent and sufficient. However I discovered that emotionally I was not capable of loving anyone else because I didn't love nor understand myself. I found my family supportive until I and my children became a burden. I found myself struggling just to survive rent and a job because my husband was retaliating against my decisions and sent no financial support understandably though I couldn't see it that way at the time. I found lovers that only wanted one thing. That didn't find me attractive since my body was a seasoned canvas of producing s family and the stresses had now taken a toll on the younger person I wanted to recapture. You know the worst part I ended up almost dying from illness in the hospital and my then boyfriend was still seeing sleeping and communicating with his ex wife of whom also cheated on him. I was in this viscous triangle. Not to mention my choices left me having to abort not only my past life but a segment of him that he left me to deal with alone. My husband at the end of all this forgave me. But everyday is a struggle to put the past behind rebuild trust and support the possibility of a new beginning. In my conscious I said I was in another state of mind mentally and physically. We were separated. My husband saids you had affairs were weren't not legally separated nor divorced. Though I severed myself emotionally from my marriage. Technically this is considered infidelity. I say all this to say that the cheating spouse needs support to many times we are victims of healing emotional pain turmoil and neglect. Many times victims of sexual or physical abuse ourselves or not having the proper role models nor support in marriage from our own growing examples or parents. Sometimes the cheater learns a great lesson that can feel like karma alone without the choice to learn the repercussions can be far worse than holding on and make it work before leaving. The emotional aftermath the repair and reconstruction. It takes time patience and even reassurance. Are you strong enough to deal with the relapses and strong enough to understand what you caused and what it takes. I hope this helps. I know in my situation I feel overwhelmed with the clean up. I feel helpless or I feel shame embarrassment and insecurities with myself. But I try to have faith understanding and patience. My husband showed me that although others abandon me disappointed me and mistreated me that he truly loves and forgives me unconditionally. And I know it took great strength and love to do that. That's what keeps me holding on and of course my children who deserve a better example on marriage love and Til death do us part.
I suggest to those reconciling have patience take it slow toward rebuilding the trust and communicate even about the painful actions. Set time aside for eachother personal time to reconnect and reestablish a new beginning. You won't make progress living in the past nor throwing digs stabs or criticisms. And you certainly have to be strong and patient when triggers are brought up. But understand it takes two to make or break a marriage. Admitting you both have faults but making conscious efforts to address those faults can help you understand the cheater and the betrayed. And in the world we live in who knows how many just like us don't openly talk about there marriages so openly. They hide it better, suppress it or oppresses it. Maybe your honesty your story your strength and your attitude to keep going for the long haul may inspire another to do the same. And we will have stronger more grounded families rather than the attributes to broken homes and statistics in the future. Peace love blessings and healing! Prayer and mediation is also a great way to rebuild your marriage too. There are a ton of tantric or mediation YouTube channels on how to mediate as a couple. It's been one of our tools! Wish you all the best.

What has helped you forgive yourself?..My husband is a great man and I love him more today than yesterday for the strength he has shown through this whole ordeal! I hope years from now this will make us stronger....I just need to work on my own forgiveness. I am Catholic and going to confession helped but when I do go to church it makes me sad that I did this to us....

I am in the 7th year of repairing my marriage after my infidelity. It still isn't the greatest, but we are working toward being better. It takes a long time to rebuild everything that we, as cheaters, have destroyed. I still don't know what the future holds for us, but either way I'll know I tried and did everything I could to make it better and make it work. That's all you can do.