This is kind of a long story, so I'll try to shorten it and might give more details if people message me/ask.
My best friend of 4-5 years now is starting to drift away from me. It started after I started dating this guy who abused me physically, mentally, and emotionally. She hated him. She gave me the strength to leave but he had played with my head for so long that I wasn't stable or anything. I'd have episodes where I'd flip out and let out the darkest part of me...which usually went out on her since she tried to be there for me. I've apologized since then and I'm better now. She's also been dating this guy, who recently started becoming abusive, threatening to hurt himself if she didn't watch this stupid video and would get pissed when she told him to stop doing stuff that made her upset or uncomfortable. I tried giving her support and tried to convince her to leave but she's down that rabit hole of "if I was a better person or stopped doing (some random thing) things would work out" and they're still together. Which kind of makes me mad since she would yell at me for being with my ex. Now she's drifting away. I know I haven't been the best, but we've been through much much worse. She doesn't seem to want me anymore. She'll ignore things I say and just talk about whatever she wants to talk about, she's shoving me aside to hang out with other friends all the time when I still need her support since I'm far from over my ex. She'll get mad and tell me that she has other friends if I even try to bring up that I need her and want to hang out with her. On top of that, we made plans today to hang out since we have today off from school and she's planning on spending a majority of it with her boyfriend. She said she told me that she was gonna hang out with him before today and that she didn't know when, but I don't remember that and I have a good memory. Even my mom notices that she's different around me. At first it was me, I pushed her away, but I've stopped that and it seems like we've put that behind us now. I don't know what to do because she's the only person who I've shared all of me with. I don't want to lose her. (And no, I'm not seeing a therapist because all the ones in my area have been unhelpful or rude to me)
Please tell as much as you like. I am reading & you may message me with any private comments.
You describe everything so clearly and I understand how heartbreaking her behavior is to you. Neither of us feel that she's doing this because of the way you first treated her; I agree with you there. Let's further look at this together, good minds think alike :-)
First thing, with this addition of new friends, then there are possibly strong opinions of you circulated among them for open discussion and debate, unfair too, and you can expect that it is possibly the envious part of the group who stir the pot between you, so to speak. What is in your favor is that you have a longer history and she claims you as her best friend, which you deserve, because you do have a good number of friendship years, and this puts you ahead of their trifling comments.
And I'm so sorry that each of you have been abused. Yet it's so nice that you do support each other with love & care. I agree with you that she should know better than to get involved with an abusive person. I take it that she is now flipping out and that this is the darkest part of her "payback" side. She does this because she already knows that you will understand this behavior, since it was your own way of handling the previous matter with your own boyfriend; she feels comfortable to do this. And she recognizes that you've apologized. It really does not matter now because intends that this is only a temporary matter to put you in your place, false thoughts though.
Although, no need for you to bother or fret things out today. In time, things will get back to being better and normal with her very soon. It will start as her new guy messes her mind up. Because he sounds to me as selfish, so he will eventually take himself out by his off-beat and naughty attitude. And then she will need you as a sounding board when this happens. Wait patiently, my friend. And you really can't tell her to leave him because she has no confidence in your credibility now. So she will just have to stay in that hole you mention until she is ready to come out on her own. With time and much frustration, she will see that this guy is really nothing worth her to change for, especially that her life should please only him and not her.
You really do have a right to be angry about this, but I feel that it is your anger moved by your disappointment. However, listen to your mom and she'll help share this load with her keen and watchful eyes and her sharp mind. Can't fool her. Thank goodness. Mom is taking notes! Lean on her until your best friend has the space to get her life in order. She really is making a mistake to stay involved with this guy, and no doubt that her new friends are telling her the same thing. I wonder how much hurt she's caused them?
Warm and gentle hugs,
~♥~ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ~♥~
Remiah