the pain is always there with me and i cant get rid of it. It feels as though a knife is inside of me and i cant get it out. I started to wounder wht is the point of living with all this pain. I would rather have the knife be in my hand and have me be able to do the cutting cause at least then I would be in controll. As im sure you can tell I am a cutter and know the pain of the stell blade running across my skin. That feels good this dosnt. I dont want to live any more all the pain is all i ever think about. I want a clear mind to be clear of him.