Hey everyone!!! I feel as tho I haven't been on here in a little while, can't say that's a bad thing. I'm hoping as time goes on, all of you are coming here less and less. I wanted to make this post just to....i guess, instill some hope in the newcomers and the regulars. It's been almost 7 months since my PP viciously, I mean V I C I O U S L Y discarded me and my son. I have to say, I have never felt better. I have never felt as comfortable and confident being in my skin like I do right now. When PP left, I rediscovered myself. I shouldn't even say that because it felt more like I shed my skin fully and completely. Like I cracked out of an egg that was keeping me curled up in a ball, quiet and scared for far too fucking long!! My boundaries stand firm now, my friendships have BLOSSOMED!! My career has sky rocketed and my life goals seem more attainable than ever. Dating a psychopath has given me the courage to tell people whom I may love but aren't good for...to finally piss off. I mean it. People who put a 25% effort into our friendship/relationship, cut off, adios, bye bye. It stung a couple of them, but I knew down the road I'd be thankful that I did it. When I look back on things that happened, I do not cry anymore. I can't remember the last time I actually dropped to my knees in the bathroom with my hands in my face and just fucking sobbed, screamed, hollered until exhaustion and then repeat. It all seems like a dream now. Memories have and are surely faded, things with meaning have lost all meaning, mostly all I feel is...nothing. I feel nothing for what has happened, where he is, what he did, what's been done. It's done. It happened. Its over. He was not even a FRACTION of my life. If anything i realized that it absolutely needed to happen because i needed to love myself again. I needed to drop those shitty people, I needed to tell my narcisitic mother that she will not be controlling my life choices anymore (I'm 25, yeah), I needed motivation, I needed clarity, I needed a different path, he gave me all of those things. I'm never ever gonna give him recognition when it comes to me turning my life around and finding happiness and success bc what he did was fucking evil and unforgivable, but god was giving me a wakeup call when he entered my life. 100%. I'm grateful. It sounds crazy but i am so grateful. It is sad accepting what has happened and what is. It's hard...it is so hard. I worked through it with painting, consuming my life with work, crying to my best friends over and over and over and over again, working out(go do it now it helps so much) smoking the greens (for anxiety and restlessness) and watching my beautiful baby just spread his carefree happiness all over this gray earth. I look back and wonder "will I ever miss the girl I was before?" Things were easier then because I was naive, I didn't know what was already true. Therefore, my answer is no. I'd rather have all the snakes weeded out of my garden than accept their presence and risk their fang bite poisoning my body and mind. There is so much hope and light at the end of this war you guys. He or she may have won the battle, but it is you who ultimately wins the war. You have the chance to be happy, you have the chance to find real love, you have the chance to have real success. Nothing superficial, because you are pure and you are bleeding everything that is real. I love you guys. This account kept me on track and picked me up soooo many times I laid in bed ready to die. Please don't give up. Don't count the days. Don't look at how hard tmmr will be. Stay busy, consume your life with little goals and early bed times. Don't play that sad fucking song, don't look at his/her social media (they're not doing great anyway no matter what they post and say), don't tell yourself you'll never find love again. You WILL. Have a good night eeverybody and nothing but love to you always xoxoxoxo.