SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
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So...many have told me that I was dealing not just with a socio/psychopath but a true narcissist.
I have tried looking into his behavior but I have also looked into some of his choices.
I have NOTHING against anyone who decides to make this choice for themselves but...
Did anyone date a narcissist who was particularly into the way he looked and criticized others on how they looked?
So, my ex, physically was a beautiful man and I'm not an expert. I tend to ignore these things but unfortunately I did grow up with a very insecure mother/sister who were really into plastic surgery and looks and materialism in general. I knew my ex had gotten all of his teeth done but my family pointed out that his nose was heavily done. So, my ex got plastic surgery and did all of his teeth...which is interesting. Because he complained to me how his ex wife (who he talked trash about nearly every time I saw him got her nosejob PAID FOR by his family- by the way what was he doing telling me about her nosejob? Why is that my business????) I found it really weird...why would his family pay for her nosejob?
He also told me he has a fear of people with bad teeth. And that hes REALLY into teeth (without mentioning of course the fact that all of his teeth were fake. He never brought it up to me, never mentioned his nose job or anything. Of course, its not my business but it was obvious to see his teeth were done (and according to my family his nose). I loved him anyway...it didnt bother me..until it came to my attention that he was an overall narcissist and just criticized people constantly for how they looked.
After my first date with him I slept with him (my mistake) and when I woke the next morning, he had a girl there in his living room who was staying there to watch his dog while he was out of town (he just got back into town). When we walked outside he was like- Shes so fat isnt she? She's so gross.
She was so sweet and was gorgeous..I found his words to be SO upfront and harsh but I didn't say anything because he already glazed me over with his lovey dovey comments about me.
There were times where he uncomfortably told me I was "prettier" than his ex wife. I remember one time I was out with my friends and he was out with his and he texts me "Theres this girl here at the bar wearing beetlejuice pants. So fucking ugly"
He also always told me that it bothered him that my diamond earrings I got as a gift from my parents for my graduation weren't "clean enough," when I showed him a picture of my sister he spent like five minutes commenting on how obvious her nose job was and then one morning when we woke up and I was laying in bed (of course begging him to come cuddle with me- he would rather be sitting on his phone on Instagram) and he goes..oh my god my sister in law is so fat she looks like a whale standing next to her husband. And then told me how he texted BOTH of his brothers making fun of her and how "fat" she looked. I remember I looked at him and was like....how would you feel if one of your brothers talked that way about me?! And he said..you just don't understand my humor. My phone family is up front like this. Its just our humor.
Oh god. Thinking of all this makes me sick.
I have tried looking into his behavior but I have also looked into some of his choices.
I have NOTHING against anyone who decides to make this choice for themselves but...
Did anyone date a narcissist who was particularly into the way he looked and criticized others on how they looked?
So, my ex, physically was a beautiful man and I'm not an expert. I tend to ignore these things but unfortunately I did grow up with a very insecure mother/sister who were really into plastic surgery and looks and materialism in general. I knew my ex had gotten all of his teeth done but my family pointed out that his nose was heavily done. So, my ex got plastic surgery and did all of his teeth...which is interesting. Because he complained to me how his ex wife (who he talked trash about nearly every time I saw him got her nosejob PAID FOR by his family- by the way what was he doing telling me about her nosejob? Why is that my business????) I found it really weird...why would his family pay for her nosejob?
He also told me he has a fear of people with bad teeth. And that hes REALLY into teeth (without mentioning of course the fact that all of his teeth were fake. He never brought it up to me, never mentioned his nose job or anything. Of course, its not my business but it was obvious to see his teeth were done (and according to my family his nose). I loved him anyway...it didnt bother me..until it came to my attention that he was an overall narcissist and just criticized people constantly for how they looked.
After my first date with him I slept with him (my mistake) and when I woke the next morning, he had a girl there in his living room who was staying there to watch his dog while he was out of town (he just got back into town). When we walked outside he was like- Shes so fat isnt she? She's so gross.
She was so sweet and was gorgeous..I found his words to be SO upfront and harsh but I didn't say anything because he already glazed me over with his lovey dovey comments about me.
There were times where he uncomfortably told me I was "prettier" than his ex wife. I remember one time I was out with my friends and he was out with his and he texts me "Theres this girl here at the bar wearing beetlejuice pants. So fucking ugly"
He also always told me that it bothered him that my diamond earrings I got as a gift from my parents for my graduation weren't "clean enough," when I showed him a picture of my sister he spent like five minutes commenting on how obvious her nose job was and then one morning when we woke up and I was laying in bed (of course begging him to come cuddle with me- he would rather be sitting on his phone on Instagram) and he goes..oh my god my sister in law is so fat she looks like a whale standing next to her husband. And then told me how he texted BOTH of his brothers making fun of her and how "fat" she looked. I remember I looked at him and was like....how would you feel if one of your brothers talked that way about me?! And he said..you just don't understand my humor. My phone family is up front like this. Its just our humor.
Oh god. Thinking of all this makes me sick.
When you meet the right guy, you're going to be happy you got away from this narc when you did. One of these days, you're going to meet someone special and wonderful, who deserves you. Your ex did not deserve you. You are a kind, beautiful soul, heyvee.
I think he was just very insecure. And not a good person at all.
It's crazy....I NEVER thought I would see myself falling in love with someone who talked like this. Somehow I just was able to ignore it and think of it as "normal" because of all of the other qualities he had. When I would come over and he would be cooking for me or he would tell me how beautiful I was or he would hold me tight in bed and tell me how much he loved me...all of these "little" things melted away. Its like I never heard them come out of his mouth. But I think about it now and realize that they should have been HUGE red flags of what a totally terrible person he is on the inside. These were indications of who he REALLY was. Or even indications of his bipolar behavior
He also calls little babies ugly.....just disgusting.
How does one REALLY know if they have dealt with a psychopath? I know my ex was a narcissist for sure. He must have been right?
Breakfree- thats awful. Its disgusting how we stick around with these guys even though we morally/ethically know that there is something wrong in their judgements and that we would never behave the same way!
And I though all narcissists were centerred on themselves to the detriment of others so totally. That is why their opinion of themselves is defined as grandiose. My Mom was no differrent there at times. What is his weight like? Not going to judge why it is such. But he can't be that great. But narcissists need to be the center of attention. It would seem that tearing others down is his way to get others to see how gorgeous he is without saying it outright. And your earrings are not clean enough? That sounds like gaslighting to tear you down AND make you feel less attractive than he is. Don't bite intio it. He again is seeking to be the center of attention again. This also is a clue as to how he might react if somebody told you that you were overweight, etcetra. Sounds like he is viewing you as his trophy instead of his wife. And nobody is allowed to have a better wife than his, as long as she is not better looking than he is . Apparrently he doesn't know what he wants.
And right before I saw him he bragged about how he was running a marathon and lost fifteen pounds. Thats the first thing he told me after he finally answered my texts after three months of completely ignoring me after he broke my heart.
I think he just slept with me and used me for one night to feel more attractive. To feel like after losing fifteen pounds he "still had it" and wanted to prove how pathetic and crazy of an ex I was for still going back to him.
It was clear he was centered on himself based on the plastic surgery he got. And the plastic surgery of his ex wife that he paid for. I wonder if he gaslighted her and talked her into it....
In either case, I don't think he considered how the other woman felt or what she may have been going through.
Its hard because he shifted between saying things like that to saying how beautiful I was and constantly complimenting me and then telling me how he did things like walk old men down the street and how he cared about everyones happiness. I remember one day we were buying ingredients to cook with and he spent like ten minutes talking to cashier because he thought she had a long day and wanted to make her "happy".
I just don't understand it at all...
One moment he made me feel like a million bucks. And seemed to care about the feelings of others. I mean...walking an old man down the street, about a mile to his house to make sure he was safe.
And then, on the other hand, constantly claiming how fat or unattractive people were...
Its like he was two different people.
Her father and sister must share the same disordered gene. Watching TV or a movie with them was a non-stop fest of criticizing everything that came across the screen, the acting, the story line, how news reporters spoke, what was wrong with the questions they asked, and on and on. It was thick enough to swim in. They also loved to revel in having made someone angry, laughing and mocking them, never mentioning once that perhaps their behavior (usually insensitivity) was out of line, just how funny it was to have made someone angry.
I remember during the love bombing, she was obsessed with my looks, and even mentioned that she really wanted to have children because she loved the shape of my cheekbones. I'm so pissed I was so blind to the shallowness. I didn't realize until a few months ago that she embodied just about every mean, judgmental, shallow personality trait that would have sickened me when I was "healthy". Why couldn't I see this before marriage, a child, and houses bought? It seems so glaringly obvious now.
A few weeks/months after our daughter was born she sent pictures of my baby to a modeling agency. I found out when her and her sister talked about it in the living room in front of me. It wasn't a secret, just no reason why anyone would think her father should have been included in the decision making process. I was pissed about that too, but didn't dare verbalize it, speaking up for myself (in this case for my girl) was a conscious decision I had to make knowing the wrath of hostility that ALWAYS followed.
I can't believe just how badly she defeated everything about me.
I remember worrying before my daughter was born that she would be yet another possession, a doll to dress up for everyone, and that's exactly what happened. She has said several times how much she loves her own child, but can't stand anyone else's children (yes, she really says that).
I thought it was affection when she insisted on shopping for clothes for me and forbid me from wearing just about everything I owned before her. Looking back now, I was just another object she wanted to shine up for her own image. I'm getting disgusted.
Tohellagain- you took the words RIGHT out of my mouth. If my friend was dating my ex, I would have told her to run a long time ago.
And yet...we are still hurting and suffering over these people. Why?
I'm so sorry for your pain. Stay strong. We're all here for each other.
heevvee, no one can diagnos him but a professional but remember you ended up here for a reason. he sounds like a shallow empty void human being. every person he puts down he does so because he is jelous of some quality they have. anyone who puts someone down is just insecure and hates themselves. its funny they love themselves but they also hate themselves inside, they know that they will never feel the things we do, the good emotions and they hate that about us because we do. they are just void of a soul and are empty shallow people. anyone who has to put another down to build themselves up is just plain sick. his behavior is how you can tell. one in 25 people out there is a s,p,n.
tohellagain, im sorry your going through all this. putting your child in contests is narcissistic i think. thats just my personal opinion. next she will be putting makeup on her and stealing her childhood. again just my opinion but i have issues with people who do this type of thing. your daughter seems like just an object to be used to her to get herself attention. thats what they do best. remember as her father you have every right to be making the decisions for your daughter too. dont let her bully you.