SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
the pain full truth about what the sociopath feels about us after devalue and discard. it hurts to think this is true but the sooner we are able to except this truth the easier it will be to let go. i have a hard time with this but i know deep down its the truth. i guess i just cant imagine being so cold as to feel nothing but hate for someone you pretended to love.
We are "dead" to A Sociopath after the discard:
We no longer exist after we are discarded by A Sociopath and they do not care if we die. To A Sociopath we were only there to serve them for that brief period of time and our existence before them is used against us; and our existence after them should no longer continue.
If we do good after a relationship with A Sociopath then they have a hard time continuing the smear campaign and calling us "crazy." When we decline further after our relationship with A Sociopath this proves to The Sociopath that we were "defective," all their crazy-making was indeed us acting out, and they were in fact the "innocent victims."
Our continued life struggles also "redeems" The Sociopath in their dysfunctional social circle: See, I told you, look at her, I was great, she is "crazy." This is too why The Sociopath will grab up another Target immediately (besides the fact that they can't be alone); it serves as a proving point: I found "love" (again, and again, and again). Therefore, I am good, strong and loving; she is bad, weak and without love.
Our existence served one purpose only and that was to admire The Sociopath, feed his weak ego, and complete his inner-emptiness.
This is all harsh to internalize but knowing this is what propels me forward to prove My Sociopath wrong! It can be a good incentive to pull myself from the dark-hole that The Sociopath pushed me into: Sociopaths derive pleasure out of seeing us struggle after they are gone and I don't want to be further destroyed by this continuing dynamic.
My Sociopath and The Narcissist (w/ sociopath tendencies) before him, both had the same eerie grin on their faces when reporting to me the difficulties their exes were enduring. This "good news" was a reflection upon them: If she is struggling, I am "The Winner" and she is "The Loser." She only existed when with me. I was the source of her life and without me, she is nothing.
Don't give The Sociopath the satisfaction of your own self-destruction...of your own internal death. You are continuing to play The Sociopath Game long after he is gone. Instead, Shine...Radiate from your heart and be brilliant! Even if you are only pretending to shine in the beginning, your true glimmer will eventually break through.
Lynna, My Sociopath - Struck by A Sociopath facebook
We are "dead" to A Sociopath after the discard:
We no longer exist after we are discarded by A Sociopath and they do not care if we die. To A Sociopath we were only there to serve them for that brief period of time and our existence before them is used against us; and our existence after them should no longer continue.
If we do good after a relationship with A Sociopath then they have a hard time continuing the smear campaign and calling us "crazy." When we decline further after our relationship with A Sociopath this proves to The Sociopath that we were "defective," all their crazy-making was indeed us acting out, and they were in fact the "innocent victims."
Our continued life struggles also "redeems" The Sociopath in their dysfunctional social circle: See, I told you, look at her, I was great, she is "crazy." This is too why The Sociopath will grab up another Target immediately (besides the fact that they can't be alone); it serves as a proving point: I found "love" (again, and again, and again). Therefore, I am good, strong and loving; she is bad, weak and without love.
Our existence served one purpose only and that was to admire The Sociopath, feed his weak ego, and complete his inner-emptiness.
This is all harsh to internalize but knowing this is what propels me forward to prove My Sociopath wrong! It can be a good incentive to pull myself from the dark-hole that The Sociopath pushed me into: Sociopaths derive pleasure out of seeing us struggle after they are gone and I don't want to be further destroyed by this continuing dynamic.
My Sociopath and The Narcissist (w/ sociopath tendencies) before him, both had the same eerie grin on their faces when reporting to me the difficulties their exes were enduring. This "good news" was a reflection upon them: If she is struggling, I am "The Winner" and she is "The Loser." She only existed when with me. I was the source of her life and without me, she is nothing.
Don't give The Sociopath the satisfaction of your own self-destruction...of your own internal death. You are continuing to play The Sociopath Game long after he is gone. Instead, Shine...Radiate from your heart and be brilliant! Even if you are only pretending to shine in the beginning, your true glimmer will eventually break through.
Lynna, My Sociopath - Struck by A Sociopath facebook
I confided in my elderly mother who lives with me that I was preparing to make a lot of changes. I haven't given her all the details of how bad the situation between myself and NH is for fear it will cause her too much distress. Her health is rather fragile. Monday, I came home and found her lying on her couch, extremely pale, sweating profusely, with blood sugar down in the 40's. It took me working with her for about 2 hours to get her blood sugar back to normal.
It confirmed my fears that she cannot deal well with stress and worries. So I'm having to take things one day at a time, but I'm still making progress. Just not as quick as I'd prefer. But my mother is my first priority right now.
One of the main things that's helped me - and will continue helping me at this stage of my journey - is learning and educating myself about narcissism. This new found knowledge has rendered my narc H powerless when he tries to belittle me or throw his ugly barbs at me. It doesn't work anymore in controlling me or hurting me. This knowledge is almost like an invisible shield protecting me from his emotional abuse. It makes whatever amount of time I'm stuck in this marriage so much more tolerable.
im so sorry about your mom and yes she should be a priority.
and yes you have grown so much since you first came here its funny but i can feel your peace of mind when you write. i think that says so much. its amazing how much the truth sets you free, its like every thing just makes sense that was before such a bewildering mystery of whys. im really glad you found this site. ;)
I remember when I began downsizing to survive. I sold my nice top of the line SUV to carmax and my dad gave me a 1994 pickup truck to drive so I wouldn't be burdened with a car payment. I sold everything that I could, did without, I also lost my home- but with each thing I had to give up, I felt a weight lifted. Eckhart Tolle says that our ego needs an identity, and we often find a false identity in "stuff". I tried to use Tolle's outlook on "stuff" as a comfort. Those things, that car, that big house- they were not ever a representation of who I am- and most of it was an unwanted reminder of the "life" I had with my ex. Your independence, your freedom, your sanity and your mental health will NEVER equate to a home or cars. But you know that :)
I still drive that pick up- She is all white and the kids and I named her Pearl. I don't think I will ever get rid of that little truck- At the time when I received her, I was devestated with the situation & embarassed to drive it. How silly. Little did I know that little truck would safely get me to my true home & happiness. :)
I admire you and have total faith that everything will work in your favor. You gotta draw the bow back a bit before it propels forward towards it target !!
I feel like I'm growing stronger every day, and the comraderie from you all helps me more than words can say. Talking with people who have been there, done that - who really understand what it's like living with a narcissist / sociopath has made all the difference in the world. Life is good again, and I thank you for all the support you've given me, little sister. :)
Lots of love you are always in my thoughts and prayers xo
strength, It's so good to see you here. Yes, it is amazing and chilling that these characters think the way they do. They're wired all wrong. But it's the way they are. I'm so glad you are away from your abuser. There are many posts in this group that I think might help you and what you're going through. We understand so much of what you're experiencing. Lean on us when it's tough. We hold each other up, and help each other heal. We are so much stronger as a group than when we're only one. There is strength in numbers.