i totally agree with this, there is a spiritual reason this is happening. i firmly believe the universe is telling us through this painful experience not only to love ourselves first but to know there is a war going on out there between good and evil. for me this has been a spiritual experience and its made me understand ive got to keep the faith and learn the difference between lessons and blessings. we are here to learn to love ourselves and find peace within ourselves.

"Love thy Neighbor as you love yourself"...

It is crazy how desensitized we can become to words. I never really considered the power behind that phrase and what it really means!

It doesn't say "Treat your neighbor with more kindness than you treat yourself". It really does mean, in the simplest of words to value yourself and others, equally. Talk about an "Ah-HA!" moment. I wasn't raised a Bible-toting Christian, but the 10 commandments were something that my parents did find value in, and used as a moral roadmap to raise my sister & I. But, I do believe that this message, was not delivered/ taught as intended. Like the author, I grew up believing that to love thy neighbor meant to give, give, give. Never once, did my mother teach a lesson of giving to yourself. Mostly, because I am sure she doesn't know how to either.

As a mom to a little girl, I need to get my head wrapped around this. I don't want her to grow up with an empty well. I need to learn balance, to teach her balance. Especially since she too, has the scars of a Psych.

so true rae, your daughter will be just fine with you as her mom. you will and are changing and that will reflect on her too. good job rae

There is a wonderful poem by the Fourteenth-century Sufi poet Hafiz:

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME IN HEAVEN

"It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day

It will begin to happen
Again on earth –

That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
Lovers,

And women and women
Who give each other
Light,

Often will get down on their knees

And while so tenderly
Holding their lover’s hand,

With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely speak, saying,

“My dear, How can I be more loving to you;

How can I be more
Kind?”

Another beautiful quote by him:

"Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says to the Earth,

"You owe me."

Look
What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the whole sky.”

YES! Love it bavarian! I some times feel so out of place b/c the world seems such a mess and I do not like all the awful things I see. But meeting people like you gives me hope. All is not lost. And I am not destroyed by the evil I met. I take it as a lesson learned and something that will make me stronger. As empaths we tend to forget to tend to ourselves and our energy can become very depleted. I am being a little more selfish than normal b/c I need to give some major love to myself at this moment in time. We cannot love others if we do not love ourselves. I fully believe that. I know my worth and I can see myself very clearly. I do not sit around and think this creep will treat anyone else any better and wonder why I wasn't good enough. I don't compare myself to any other woman nor feel a desire to ever compete for anyone. But I do wonder how this person found me and why did he choose me. B/C he saw the empath in me? Maybe...
I do wonder how such evil exists. I cannot comprehend using others and discarding them like toys. I do believe we are all here for a reason. I try to spread kindness and positive vibes wherever I go. When I feel depressed, I try to keep to myself so I don't drain others with my negative energy and I try to empty myself of that energy. I don't belong to any one religion. But I am very spiritual. I follow the Golden Rule.

I have not yet seen the video. Nonetheless, I''m 100% in agreement with you. One of the persons I'm closest to today, is somebody I probably would not be able to relate to very well, had I not been sexually abused as a child. we met and at the time she was talking about her grand daughter who was a victim of incest. Of course I wanted to know everything about the girl, mentionned that I also am a survivor of the same kind of abuse, though not committed by a family member and we talked . I was always asking about her and so forth. as time went on I learned more about her other family members and she has inspired me so much due to how loving and caring she is, not to be seen in everybody, that today, five years later we are sentimentally brother and sister because of our closeness. Probably would not have happenned if I had not been sexually abused, nor my own wisdom obtained, in a major way. For me the gift of surferring is being able to relate to others similar pain when I become a survivor of whatever.
Psychologically speaking this world is quite a small place. I just observe how childhood sexual abuse can lead to conduct disorder, and if missed and not diagnosed and treated, how conduct disorder can become diagnosed as antisocial personality disorders when these become adults and thus psychopaths, sociopaths, I realise how much diverse traumas and medical conditions and those who are psychopaths are related. One goes back momentarily to the beginning to say that childhood sexual abuse is not the only reason for children getting conduct disorder and that makes the relationship with other traumatic experiences and psychopathy all the more related. The big question being that since some pedophiles, for example are psychopaths, themselves what does one do to end a vicious cycle in a world where people care less and less and where the law favors the criminal so often.? This is not to say I am going to "make friends" with individuals obviously having antisocial behaviors. But in my case it helps me to be a bit more compassionate at a distance, while expressing greater concern and compassion for their victims. In reality, I know I'm being idealistic. But looking at things at a glance it seems as if so much sufferring could be eliminated if politicians political will and researchers and those involved in psychology could connect things more and find a solution to treat those root problems putting an end or significantly reducing the concequential medical problems of the root ones. But that is being idealistic.
All we can do, I geuss is love those who suffer, stay away from those who would infringe on our ability to do so by means of their emotional abuse, etcetra and love ourselves so that we CAN love others. This is a revelation even to me!

kate you have a good head on your shoulders and the way you are handling and looking at all this is awesome. it sometimes takes us years to learn the things you seem to already know and yes one must love themselve before they can ever love someone else for sure. keep up the good work girl

i believe in forgiveness but i dont feel we actually have to love all people. there are bad people out there and some worse than others. i dont love them but those who have hurt me ive forgiven but i also learned my lesson and i wont ever forget. to me love and forgiveness are two different things.

Yes Bella forgiveness is very different from love. It is dangerous for us to love at times, as the case with these disordered people. I feel sorry for them to an extent, but in order to protect myself or those I love around me, I keep out the people who would do harm to others. I was engaged once and he cheated. I gave him the ring back and moved on. I have forgiven him and we may wish each other well on a birthday or at Christmas, but I have never seen him since and I could never give him another chance once that trust was broken. I have been very hurt more times than not. I dated my college bf for 2 years. He wasn't abusive until the very last year when we lived together. It escalated so fast! One night he threw my phone against the wall so that it smashed in tiny pieces and dragged me across the room by my hair. I was far from friends and family. He waited until he had isolated me from anyone that loved me. I saved my money and got out as soon as I could. He took great lengths to prevent it and I had to plan much in secret. Maybe that horrific experience has made this one a little easier for me than for others. I see so many new people come in so lost and they aren't sure if they brought this upon themselves. Abuse is NEVER okay. I have looked into the face of evil too many times. Too many times i have seen the worst in people. It has taken a toll on my soul. But I never allow it to change me in a negative way to where I become bitter and give up. B/c that is how they really win and I will never allow them that satisfaction.

I meant 4 years, not 2. *****

my life has pretty much been the same way except i had to self esteem or belief that i was worth anything back so i took a lot. but now, no way. and yes it kills me to hear sometimes the pain and confusion some are going through when they get here. that was kind of one of the reasons i wanted to start this group. if i can help just one person like those who did me here then its all worth it. i know what its like to think its all your fault, if did this different or that another way just mabey....screw that i didnt do anything wrong i just had a false belief system going on in my head. i guess we can only take so much sometimes then we either die or change. its so common for victims to blame themselves when the rest of us just want to scream, IT WASNT YOUR FAULT. but until they get to the place to where they really believe that all you can do is be supportive and try and show them a new way to think and live. im not sure how old you are but im 53 ( omg ) and when i was growing up girls got married and had babys and if you didnt there was something wrong with you. so ive had to reprogram all of my thinking and beliefs. thank god its not like that anymore.

I am 33 but I I still feel that pressure from people your age. I have had a family friend ask "don't you want to get married???" OMG yes I do but not settling for a creep or the guy who cheats on me! And how insensitive, she knew I had been engaged and why it ended, Like it' was my fault! I very much want a little family of my own and I know my biological clock is ticking. But I have to find someone worth breeding with first. I do not want to bring any kids into the world that would learn to disrespect women from their father.

thank god for you kate. you are wise beyond your years. dont ever settle

" When I was growing up girls got married and had babies and if you didn't there was something wrong with you." When I hear women talk like that I have to ask, what about the Catholic nuns who became such as young women, was something wrong with them too? So many obvious things in front of our very eyes that we are not suppossed to see. And they are there in so many places. Heaven forbid they be exposed though!

Changing a belief system can be hard though. It takes courage and than perseverance. There are always those who want to encourage one to go back to the former belief system, including those who left an element of it out of the belief system but see no reason for letting us do something similar. I've had to leave a whole reigious system behind just because of all the double standards and contradictory teachings the teachers themselves did not adhere to because of the fringe benifits in it for them. Look around for something differrent had not turned up anything but more of the same and continued abuse from others, including gaslighting. . Finally I enjoy my own company and am free from the gas lighters in my life......and the year is only half over! Newer and healthier options have been opening up to me. If I had a bit more money life would be a bit less stressful again. All I can do is one day at a time and watch out for other gas lighters who want to seduce me and than abuse me. For the present moment, moving day is around the corner and I'm happy not to be moving.. I'll downgrade to less luxurious furnishings and enjoy my life a bit more. Materialism sucks. And so does being alone. It's better than being married to a person with antisocial behaviors though. And really there is an element of North American society that makes being single lonely at times. But now I want to go from slave to free in behavior and attitude, now that I am free. Always something to yearn for. And a subtle fear that things as they are in my life may turn on me. The unknown. Got to feel the fear and do it anyways. :)

Angel, thank you for posting these wonderful links. I really needed to read and watch them this morning. The first one hit home with me in so many ways. I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 1992, and it was a difficult time for me to say the least. I've been cancer free since the surgery and treatments, and I'm so grateful for that. Facing one's mortality is a life changing experience. At that time, it helped me to get back to my core of my being, and I healed and moved forward with my life.

The video with Native American Indians was AWESOME!!!!! I felt my small amount of Native American Indian heritage awaken as I watched it. My great grandmother was part Quapaw Indian on my mother's side. For some reason, I have often wondered about this woman, who I never met. I wish I could speak to her now. Every once in awhile, I'll get these "feelings" for lack of a better word, and I just know they come from my Quapaw roots.

Yes, I can feel Mother Earth suffering. Where I live, there is a huge amount of oil and gas being sucked from our earth. This week we experienced a 4.4 earthquake, and I felt my house tremble. Mother Earth is in such pain, which causes me sadness and even fear. I can feel her anger and wonder how much longer till the earthquakes are stronger, creating more damage. Such a vicious cycle.

I try planting seeds of goodness and love, positive thoughts and deeds, lots of prayers and meditation, and that seems to help me find my peace. But it's hard keeping myself in that good place. There's a lot of turmoil in my life. I try keeping it at bay, and being a devout Christian has been my lifeline. A lot of people don't believe in Christianity and that's everyone's prerogative. But for me, I really believe it's been crucial in my healing. Yet, I am not one of the "Bible thumpers" who go to church every Sunday. My church is inside my heart. And I feel grounded with my Quapaw roots, so it's a bit of a combination of beliefs that keep me growing spiritually. I don't think there is a label I can put on my belief, but it works for me.

As I read the other responses and comments to this beautiful post, I realized how my dear friends here are recovering, healing more and more. That gives me such joy. Everyone one of you mean so much to me. You've allowed me to be part of your lives by sharing your stories, your life experiences and by listening to me as I unload my hurt and pain on the pages of DS. You all mean the world to me, and I cannot thank you enough for letting me be part of this "tribe". Peace and Light to you all.

Bav you write so beautifully a wonderful post, thank you.
You are so right we have a responsibility to this Earth to show each other love and compassion no matter what happens we have to keep the faith. I used to live by the code - don't give evil power by believing in it, well didn't the universe have a lesson for me or more than that did i make a soul contract for this to happen. Bella you taught me about this and I have been devouring information on the subject that we spiritual beings are here having a human experience and within our soul tribes we make contracts with each other to increase the value of our experience and that includes pain and suffering. I see what is happening to Earth the good being suppressed women who are natural mediators go uneducated in countries that are in total chaos. In my meditations I take myself to another planet and look down on all here it makes my personal stuff look so small yet I know the reason that this S came into my life was to wake me up and realise what is really important. I now lead a very simple life grow my own food spend time with other empaths and display strength when evil tries to suck me into the vortex. I don't know if I am making any sense but I feel the war between good and evil and my contribution to the good is to love myself first and that will overflow on to others and I really hope that has a ripple effect and will hold the balance of power so we are not over run by neagativity and hate.
That's my ramble for today :) love and light to our soul tribe.