Thank you for your post. You are so so right. They prey on the empathetic because unfortunately, our kindness makes us “easy targets”. I hope you don’t blame yourself for not noticing sooner. It doesn’t matter how intelligent we are, they just know exactly what to say. And truthfully, I feel better reading that he brushed your teeth. I know from an outsider, it sounds totally strange, but my ex sociopath would even bathe me and brush my hair and stuff that made me think “wow, this person just absolutely adores me”. It’s a harsh and confusing wake up call when yiu realize none of it was real. But at least we all have each other to lean on.

Mine bathed me too!! Thank you for your comment!! I cannot tell you how much this helps me!! I am so thankful that I found this group!

Thanks for sharing. I've just finished reading the book and loved it!

I fell in love with a colleague who I later realised was a psychopath and had one hell of a time sharing an office space with him! Eventually I managed to implement detached contact so that I could continue to do my job, but the experience was totally draining.

When I read the book I was able to understand how this man had manufactured the perfect relationship for me as a means to his own ends. I now understand that I was a 'transitional' target whilst he relationship hopped. My love bombing was short (but bloody effective) followed by a completely bewildering discard. Unable to see me carry on happily with my job he started a campaign to erode my identity.


Reading this book has reinforced my healing and reminded me that empathy (channelled healthily) is a gift worth celebrating.

I'd also highly recommend 'healing from hidden abuse' by Shannon Thomas for understanding common behaviours and tactics of toxic people

I am so sorry that you had to continue to work with him after he disgarded. I have to continue to work with mine as well and it is awful. I will read the other book you recommend. I am now reading "When Love is a Lie". It is very good too. I also found a really good counselor who specializes in recovering from abusive relationships. I hope this will help.

I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences too, and that you're in a situation where you have to keep seeing your abuser.
It took me a year to establish boundaries so that I stopped experiencing abuse daily. At that point I knew very little about the patterns of toxic behaviour, I just knew that I had to get away from him. My friends and family couldn't understand what was happening and thought I was crazy. I kept an interactions diary and found ways to circumvent his attacks. The hardest part was the cognitive dissonance - knowing my truth and being surrounded by his fan club was really tough. I also thought i might be crazy for thinking him a psychopath, and I wished with all my heart I was wrong and that he would explain he was just going through a hard time. It did get easier with time, though.

Thank you for the book recommendation.
I hope your counselling goes well.

I have the same issue with knowing the truth when no one else does and everyone thinks he is wonderful. I spoke the the author of "When Love is a Lie" and she was so helpful! I recommend setting up an appointment with her to anyone who is trying to recover from narcissistic abuse. She has a workbook to help with the recovery. My sociopath interjected himself into my personal life again recently and it was awful experiencing the manipulation again. However, it was just more confirmation that he is a sociopath.

Thank you for the book recommendation - I look forward to reading it.
Ugh. What a shit! It's good that you were able to see his manipulation for what it is - that shows you are already a long way on your recovery journey.
One of the things I found made it easier working with mine was observing his effects on other people. I worked with many, many people of high integrity, but basically everyone fell for his manipulation of tactics in some way. Figuring what which ones became targets and which ones became abuse enablers told me a lot more about a certain person than I would have been able to get through my own experiences of them! It also showed me that really anyone is susceptible to a psychopath.
Good luck with your recovery - it sounds like you are doing all the right things.

I am doing so much better now!! It is amazing how the addiction just fades away when you finally see them for what they really are. Strangely, two women at work today told me that their husbands are narcissists! They had no idea of my experience. What an odd coincidence! I told them about the books I have been reading. I hope you are doing ok too!

That's great that they knew to confide in you. Definitely recommend the Shannon Thomas book to them. Once you've experienced psychological abuse it's like being given a sixth sense to sniff out abusers and embrace survivors.
Things with my psychopath have been resolved now that we have no contact. He's living with his next target now (God help her) and I don't think he will be back. Unfortunately I'm in the process of going no contact with my brother, who thanks to my psychopath, I've been able to detect as some kind of cluster b personality type.
I feel like psychological warfare has been the norm of my life so far and I really hope things can get better.
I can also recommend reading "healing from trauma" by Jasmin Lee cori, which has personal and practical advice about how to heal psyhcological wounds.

I will read that book! Thank you. I am reading, "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" now. It is a really good one too!!

Ooh nice. I've just read "Power" by the same author and really enjoyed that one.

I'm so sorry you went through what you did, and unfortunately I can relate. I now realize that the man I was dating was a sociopath or psychopath. Or perhaps a sexual narcissist, one of those. He love bombed me hard. I told him I was okay with a Friends with Benefits type relationship, but he said no, he wanted a life with me. He went on to be the sweetest and most romantic guy, and then discard me. When it happened the first time, I was shocked and devastated. Then he came back. He had excuses. And while I should have known better, he was so sweet again that I let him back in. Ultimately, I found out the truth. That he was married. I found an amazingly sweet message he left for his wife on Facebook, and I was shattered. Now I can just imagine him lavishing her with love and sweetness (the kinds of things you have said) and from what I've heard now from those who know him, everyone thinks he's amazing. Just this wonderful guy. Meanwhile he has been sleeping with me for several months. How do you do that to someone you love so much? He disappeared again, for about two weeks, and I was finally feeling like I was getting over the shell shock having found out who he really is. And then he came back. He had excuses. I let my guard down. We had sex again, and it was phenomenal. Now he's gone and even though he promised to be in touch, I haven't heard from him. By the way, when I told him I knew about the wife, he gave me some story about them being married in name only. Anyway, my stupid heart wants to believe him, but my brain knows he's a liar. I shouldn't have let him back in. It's like he keeps coming back to feed his ego and I'm letting him. How is it that these guys find a way to break down your defenses and make you stupid? I feel horrible. When I was with him again, he apologized for everything he'd done and promised to be better and once again he's discarded me. I know this can't continue. Anyway, I just want to say that I understand, and that I'm hoping I can get the strength to move past this jerk. They really do wreak havoc in our lives.