Another note, what I learnt today is that I have rejection issues, and thats why I possibly stayed in the relationship and have recreated those again and again with others to relive the original wound, this is something I need to deal with with my therapist.

your not stupid if you are we all are because we all have done it before to. dont call yourself stupid you are codependant not stupid. i see a very smart women when i look at you so dont put yourself down like that any more. its a new day and you start again. DO NOT CONTACT HIM AGAIN IT WILL ONLY BRING YOU PAIN>

yes yes yes yes, I know, it cracks you open and causes great pain and I have experienced it, I will not do it again even at the cost of my doggies for now, i will be patient. the gods will lead me to where I have to go and if I get my dogs back and i have to have faith that I will get them, i am getting my ownership papers of them in order. He is a bully and a freak and I hate him, that he has gone to the extent of hijacking my beautiful creatures who are mine and are my family xx

pendra hey girl, i was thinking but before i say what i want to tell you im proud of you for making the choice to except you cant do anything at this moment and to not go over there anymore, it is the right choice for you and very important that you stay away right now and work on yourself. i know it hurts and i know how much you love your dogs but he will not hurt them like you have said and he does take care of them so they will be ok for now. just concentrate on getting well so you can get them back when you are in better shape and have somewhere to take them. it will only cause you great harm right now to continue to go there to see them.you have made a very good decision for yourself just know that much. what ive been wondering is this; should you maybe file a report with the police that he has your dogs but is abusive and violent to yoy so you want it on record that they are your dogs and what do you need to do to make sure your rights are not taken away from you but that it is a dangerous situation for you to be in there at his home so you must not go therew. and show them you have your paper work that proves they are yours not his. im not sure what your laws are like there regarding possession of property or animals and i just want to see you do the right things so that you cover your ass with your ex, maybe call them and ask over the phone first but dont give them your real name and find out which way is in your best interest to get them back when you are able too. its just something ive had on my mind and i want you to cover your butt as much as you can. .. also and this is the most important advice i can give you regarding this situation. if or when you talk to the police or anyone related to this discussion i want you to remain calm. do not start telling them about everything that has happened to you or start calling your ex names or crying or being emotional about any of this. i want you to remember that if you act all crazy and say things that sound to emotional or like your going crazy you are going to look crazy in the polices eyes or anyone you speak with. this is so important that you remain calm and sound rational. it is ok to say it has been an abusive violent relationship but that is it do not add to that or go off telling them what he has done to you or how evil he is or any part of your story. stick to only the facts and do not show emotion to them . if you do they will remember it and they will say you are are unstable and all kinds of bad things. you want to be professional and matter of fact. do not let them see you lose control in any way. if you feel you cant do this then do not go because somehow it will get turned and used against you. because if they talk tonyour ex at all he is going to tell them you are completely insane . you know what he is capable of doing and im here to tell you he is going to make you look like a nut case. so dont give them any reason to believe what he is saying or to validate his opinion of you. he is expecting you to act like a crazy women so he can tell the police...see i told you she was crazy and out of her mind. do not give them any reason to believe what he is going to say about you. you MUST REMAIN CALM AND RATIONAL LIKE THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU AT ALL TIMES DO NOT SHOW ANY EMOTION TO THE POLICE OR ANYIONE YOU DEAL WITH REGAURDING THIS SITUATION, ..DOES THAT MAKE SENSE TO YOU? if you dont understand what im saying or if i didnt say it correctly then let me know and i will try and explain it better where it makes sense. this could make or break you in this situation so dont talk to anyone if you cant do it how ive explained. very very important to be calm. ok let me know if you get what i mean and why. i just think maybe its best if you let the police in on what is up with your dogs so you have it in writng. if anyone else here reads this please let pendra know any advice you may have for her to .because im not 100 % sure weather or not she should inform the police of what is up with her dogs or to not say anything at all. she lives in i believe its south africa and i ahve no idea what the law is there or how it works. ok let me know what you think. ill be back on later tonight. bella

Pendra, I agree with Bella that the police should be informed that you own the dogs, not Simon. And there probably should be something filed or documented in a legal manner through the courts. I don't know how your laws are there, but it can't hurt to contact a social worker or someone in the judicial system who can advise you in a legal way to determine which direction you should go.

But I also believe contacting any kind of authorities regarding your dogs should be timed well. I've seen it time and again that "timing" is everything. Perhaps it might be better to wait until you are situated in your own place, indicating to the courts that you are able to provide a home for them. And they might even take into consideration if you are employed and can provide food and care for your dogs. So keep in mind the importance of "timing", and bide your time until you're completely ready.

Documentation is key, too. Make copies of all your ownership papers, veterinarian bills and statements with your name on them, and names of anyone who could be a witness for you who knows you are indeed the true owner of the dogs. If there is anyone who would back you up, verifying you are the rightful owner, see if they could perhaps write a letter to the courts or "Who It May Concern", and have the letter notarized. These are things I would do here in the US, I'm not sure if your courts and judicial system is similar.

So that would be my advice. Strategize your "timing" and have your documentation in order. I also agree with Bella regarding the importance of remaining cool, calm, and collected. If you appear too emotional or unstable, you will ruin any chance of regaining your dogs. Put forth your "business woman" mentality and make a good impression on the authorities and courts. It really is a critical factor to give the image of competence.

But I have to say, I have faith in you, Pendra. You can do this. This can be one of your goals to give yourself. Work on yourself and your healing for now.... get stronger, both emotionally and physically. Begin channeling that smart and savvy woman inside of you. And keep us updated what you decide to do. I'm sending you lots of love and prayers for strength and guidance. Hang tough, girl! :)

I should also add, I advise you to not discuss your plans with anyone who might tip off Simon like any of your mutual friends. You don't want him to have even an inkling of an idea that you plan on taking back your dogs. And don't contact him by phone anymore. If you contact him to check on the dogs, do it by email, so you can have that as documentation also. Always remain calm and professional in the emails, and if he gets hateful and abusive with you in the email, you've got his ass in a bind! Be super careful in how you word your emails so they cannot be twisted or misconstrued in court, and I would advise minimal amounts of emails. If he calls you, don't answer the phone. Only use means of communication that you can use in court. Plus it will help you remain No Contact, or minimal contact which will help you heal better and not have those wounds reopened.

Best of luck, sweet girl! You can do this!

Pain is a warning. Remember that feeling. That is how horrible he truly is. The amazing thing is that we acclimatized ourselves to that. That it bothers you now is good. You see it as abnormal and were feeling better before taking to him.

Damn, my answer was lost. Thank you Bella, Spirit and Escape, I hear you. I have so far managed to get the ownership papers of my dogs into my name but where I have defaulted is that I have let him know that I have achieved this, but thankfully my longer email all about how I intend to go and get them back at all costs etc somehow ended up in my drafts box and did not go to him, so after reading this I will not send it. I also understand I need to remain rational. What he did get is a copy of one of the dogs ownership papers I sent him, but without my long pre-amble, and his response was simply 'hilarious'. I understand I need to be patient and might need to wait some time before I can rightfully collect the dogs and give them a home, or think of a foster home situation, but I admit I am scared of him and know he will bully me and using the dogs as a tool right now is his current continuing abuse of me.

Bella, just to say that as you requested i have come here and read your response xxx

Oh and spirit, i have already fucked up your suggestion totally, told him i will be fetching my dogs, written incriminous mails to him he can use - he never replies, and more
but i won't do it any more

Well Pendra, we all live and learn. And tomorrow is a new day filled with opportunities and promise. We all make mistakes, but the key to success is not repeating our mistakes. If you're serious about getting your dogs back, you'll need to think with your head.... not just your heart and emotions.

From what you've said of Simon, he will likely fight you for the dogs. It will be critical to NOT show him your hand. You'll need to keep your emotions in check. Control your emotions... don't let them control you. Easier than done. I have to struggle with that every day.

The thing is, if you're going to be battling Simon for your dogs, you'll need to get your ducks in a row. Think before you send another incriminating email. Think before you speak. You're obviously a very intelligent and savvy lady. Use your abilities and talents to benefit you. You can do it. Best of luck to you, girl. Big hug!