SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group

A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...

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My life is ruined

Rkehoe903
Rkehoe903

For years I was abused beyond words by a psychopath. I'm not trying to be dramatic, he is confirmed. He abused me sexually and emotionally for 4 years. Throughout my experience, no one would help me. I don't blame them, I'm sure they didn't know what to do, but it reinforced that I was in the wrong and that I had no hope. After years of trying to get the spark we once had, he said "you're the closest thing I had to love" and left. Now I'm alone, and I can't tell anyone or he will 100% be arrested for the things he did to me, and I'm not ready to hurt him like that. I feel like I have a sort of Stockholm for him, because I just can't help but want him. I will never be able to love anyone again, because I was wired to sexually please anyone I get close to. If I don't make them happy in that way, I get panic attacks, even if it has nothing to do with my performance. I have no self esteem anymore. The worst Part is that he doesn't care, he just wants to leave. He isolated me for so long that I don't know how to reach out for support (since he was my only support). I'm sorry this is so discombobulated, I just feel like this is a dream. I can't wrap my head around why anyone would break a person and just leave. I guess I just needed an outlet to get it out, because I know no one else will understand. 

Rkehoe903
Rkehoe903
I'm probably just being dramatic. People all over the world have it way worse.
yanabobana5
yanabobana5
First, you are not being over dramatic. My ex was also a sociopath(diagnosed antisocial personality disorder). He never hit me, but most of the physical abuse was inside of the bedroom. I have been in a legal battle over just getting a restraining order, and I know that you may not be ready to convict him now(I wasn’t), in the meantime, talk about it with someone you trust, a professional therapist, and write EVERYTHING down that he did to you. This is not your fault. And this is does not make you unlovable. I felt this was for a while, but after baby steps, I am stronger now than I was even a week ago. And someday, you will only feel anger toward him. Then, if you choose to, you can pursue the legal side of things. After my ex left, I couldn’t physically walk for several weeks. I kept hitting my head with my fists and scratching at my skin. I felt like I was going completely insane, and like he was the only one who could save me, even though I knew he was the cause of my self-harm and distress. This was the result of both the physical and emotional abuse that I experienced.
It gets better, I promise.
Aronia
Aronia
The good thing is that you are still young and it can get better.
I m 42 and survived all kinds of crap.
I made my life what I wanted it to be, despite of disadvantages.
Trauma happens, but it doesn’t have to define who you are and your future.
It is an awful learning experience, but you can either thrive and grip harder to be better or you can sulk and let it drag you down.
You will have many other relationships .
Mfk
Mfk
You are not overly dramatic at all!!!! In fact, the opposite is true!!! You were severely abused and then left to deal with it alone while he walks away to go abuse someone else or come back and abuse you again whenever he decides. The purpose of leaving you this way is so that he can do exactly this. It is a tactic to manage and lower your expectations so that he can come back anytime and you will take him back because you need the "fix". You have a trauma bond. If you have not read Pyschopath Free or When Love is a Lie then please read them. Also, find a counselor who specializes in abuse recovery. It is critical that you find a counselor who understands the effects of abuse. She/he will NOT put you in danger by telling anyone. She will just help you get out and recover. I am so so so sorry that you have been through this!!! Know that you are not alone!!!! You are not! We have experienced very similar situations and we got you!!