V, I'm hugging you right now. I feel the same too. Everytime a guy approaches me, I feel like throwing up. I thought he was "the one". I had stopped looking, loved the feeling of being "taken". It seems to weird to be back in the market!

I still dream of him....it's a constant torture, one that I can't share with anyone. Every day when I wake up, I say a prayer to God and ask him to rescue me from this pain, nothing happens.

It's been only a week for me, so I'm hoping things will get better.

Please keep in mind he didn't exist, he was the perfect man because he was acting, perfect men don't exist.

Love and peace...

Thank you Jhelum. I hope that we can get through this together. I'm sending you hugs and love back. Lets pray for each other.

Heyvee, I know the pain is raw and feels so horrible right now, but it will get better. It's so very early in the stages of your grief. I encourage you to read the 5 stages of grief post again. I think bella posted it a few days ago.

It's been almost 2 years for me that I felt the kind of pain you (and Jhelem) are feeling. But I'll never forget. It's a miserable, torturous place to be. Since then, I've emotionally detached myself from my stbx, and I've been able to do so by being realistic. Once I took off my rose colored glasses and reminded myself every day, several times a day, of the many cruel, deceptive lies he told, and how he had manipulated me so many times, for so many years, I started seeing how deeply I was effected. For 25 years, I've been on that crazy roller coaster ride. It's been hell...

Instead of focusing on the postive traits your abusers projected, focus on the reality of who they really are. Focus on the "truth", meaning all the lies, the mean spirited arguments, all the deception, and negative emotions you're feeling right now. And remember, if something or someone seems too good to be true, then they probably are.

Try keeping busy, and focus on "You". This is a good time to do a lot of self reflecting and grow as an individual. Don't look for a guy to make you a complete person. And for me, praying did bring me strength and guidance. But it does take time. This kind of pain doesn't heal overnight. But the good news is that you will heal and get stronger. Be more patient and be kind to yourselves.

Sending prayers and peace! spirit

Thanks Debbie, you are right, I don't think replacing him with another guy is not gonna do me any favors.

At the same time, I was not ready to be in a relationship for the longest time. When I finally had it in me to settle down, he came in my life. Of late, I have been craving companionship, so I do think this is the time for me.

V, I also think unlike many others like Debbie, we came out of the relation before it reached the saturation point. In our case, acknowledgement has dawned but acceptance hasn't. Even after knowing what he is capable of and how I got saved from a toxic relation, there's a small ray of hope in me, thinking what if he is just hurt and not a narc? What if everything returns back to normal?

I'm not saying I'll ever go back, definitely not after knowing what I know, just saying the flicker of hope comes back from time to time, makes me think if I could have been the one. I know I'm not, he can't be saved, I'm better off without him...but still...

I keep on reminding myself he's not real, everything he said was for his best interest...and keep reading medical research articles to enlighten myself...it also keeps me on track...

Love and hugs...

It takes time to get over an S. They are meticulous in the timing and gradual intensity of their cruelty. And than one way or the other you are alone and without him. You said that you go out with another guy(s) and can't enjoy them because you are always thinking of the EX N and wondering what they might be up to. I know that feeling. For me I refer to it as being hypervigilant in my case. It has worn off some. But it is still there in a significant way. I see those persons who might interest me and I remind myself they might be Ss or Ps or Ns and I ought not let myself go head over heals. So I don't. I'm a member of dating lines before I relised that a couple of persons in my life were Ss in nature. Now I know and am free of them. Now I may look at the pics of women looking for a partner. But no use getting to know them, I say in the end, because they may be like others who were abusive as Ss Ns or whatever. In other words there is nothing to guarranttee me that I'm just being idealised again. Actually there is. I just got to read on idealisation again. So I'm just taking my time to get through this period of hyper vigilance and try to figure out what is normal wanting to be with the other and what is love bombing. The key word is : communication. If we just fall over each other we may be setting ourselves for more of the past abuse. This is why going out with somebody is not overly in my list of priorities now. Many people are seeking professional help as a result of emotional damage obtained from being with such a person. I sense that you are in a conflict of being lonely and not wanting to get hooked by another N S or P. And you are maybe hooked a bit on the past abuser. Loneliness versus risk of being abused again. Sounds like you need some more time to get over the creep you were with. At least you and I are free of our past. I"ll need more time to get through the excessive hypervigilance and maybe so do you. But we are free. And we both know we don't want to repeat our pasts with another prospective significant other who is just doing the idealisation routine for us. And therein is the root of the distraction. For me it will require more time. Don't know for you what to say though, excepy, maybe more time to heal as these hypervigilant stages are not permanent.

Hi V and J,

My heart breaks for you I know exactly what you are going through it's a love like no other. Love bombing is so intense mainly because they are mirroring you to be your one and only it's a total charade but at the time we are so in love with the persona that even when the tiny cracks show we make excuses for them. I did this I had a horrible feeling in my gut that something wasn't quite right the whole to good to be true thing but I pushed it away in favour of the perfect fantasy and thats all it was a fantasy. It took me a year to realise the painful truth the P was not capable of feeling love, guilt nor remorse I was in love with a cardboard box!
What you are going through is terrible but you have to remind yourself THIS WAS NOT YOUR FAULT you are a normal beautiful person with normal thoughts feelings and emotions something he will never have and he will repeat this behaviour over and over again because they are rats on wheels going round and round. You are going to grieve hard for that persona and that is an exhausting process so its time for you to look after you and hold yourself in kind. It is also a time of reinvention a perfect time for you to find peace within yourself and work out what it is that has meaning for you. How do you do that? Take time out for you, find a peaceful place for healing to take place, pray, meditate and only connect with positive people.Get a great therapist to talk to who is familiar with these types of personality disorders and I don't have to say this forgive me but NC it will just take you straight back to day one with a little twist of the knife so please resist. Are you really ready to date? If you are just make sure you're grieving process has past and you can think straight otherwise as Douglasn pointed out you could be an easy target for other N P S's.
Keep posting here everyone is here for you with hugs and words of encouragement. Trust me you will get through this it's a bumpy road but you're smart and beautiful and have so much to give a REAL person.
Loads of love go easy
Star xo

Thanks Douglas and Star!

No...I'm definitely not ready to date yet. The other day a friend told me about a guy who was once crazy about me (I didn't know that) and that she didn't give him my digits 'cause he's a little younger (I never liked dating younger guys). She said he was still interested in me but the first question I asked her was "why was he crazy about me, he doesn't know me, are you sure he isn't a sociopath?"

When my trust level's that low, I don't think I should meet the guy...or any guy for that matter...

Love and peace to all...
Jhelum

Go Jhelum you understand it and thats wonderful!
Love and light to you
Star