# How many narcissists does it take to change a light bulb?
None, a narcissist will always manage to find someone else to carry out a menial chore like that.

# What is one way to irritate a narcissist?
Pretend to enjoy doing the lowly menial chores which the narcissist has given you to do. It will make the narcissist think that he or she is missing out on something.

# Why does a narcissist get upset or moody after having just spent lots of time in his/her own company?
Well how would you feel just after having spent lots of time in the company of a narcissist?

# What should you say when a narcissist asks you what you want for your birthday?
Anything but what you actually want, at least then you will have a slim chance of actually getting what you want instead of what the narcissist thinks you ought to want.

# Psychiatrist interviewing narcissist Psychiatrist: "What is your favourite Christmas carol?"
Narcissist (with a straight face): "Hark the Herald Angels Sing About ME"

# Heated conversation between a narcissist and his/her spouse
Narcissist's spouse: I'm not like you!
Narcissist: Oh yes you are, you're as bossy as anything!(this is an example of 'projection')

# What's a narcissist's idea of being a "slave"?
Not being able to boss everyone else about.

# What is a narcissist's idea of equality?
Being equally bossy to everyone else

# Why does a narcissist find it so difficult to empathise with others?
Because he (or she) is always so busy empathising with himself (or herself)

# Why do narcissists so often complain of feeling exhausted, shattered or ill?
How would you feel if you were constantly charged with the responsibility of controlling everyone else in your family?

# Why is a narcissist unable to honour his part in agreements which he (she) has entered into?
Any agreement which the narcissist enters into is his (her) personal property and he (she) is therefore entitled to do with it whatever he (she) likes.

# What's a narcissist's definition of "rubbish"?
Items which take up space in the narcissist's house but which belong to someone other than the narcissist.

# What's a narcissist's idea of generosity?
Giving away things which the narcissist considers to be rubbish.

# What will a narcissist want to get rid of when moving house?
Those items which the narcissist considers to be "rubbish". (Maybe that's why some narcissists like to move house frequently).

# Why does a narcissist spend so much time rummaging in his/her spouse's and children's private possessions?
Well they belong to the narcissist too, don't they?

# What's a sure-fire way of getting daily verbal abuse?
Be the child of a narcissist.

# What do you call a narcissist who is never envious of others?
Exceptional!

# What is a narcissist's idea of being abused?
Occasionally having to go along with someone else's preferences

# Why do narcissists indulge in gaslighting?
I don't know, why do narcissists indulge in gaslighting?
I said moonlighting, there's no such thing as gaslighting. Why did you think I said gaslighting?

# Why do narcissists indulge in projection?
Respondent: I don't know why do...
Joker: It's not narcissists that indulge in projection, its you that indulges in projection. - you are so devoid of empathy and you always want lots of attention and if I dare to criticise you, you always fly off the handle and you go on and on and on about it and you never let me get a word in edgeways and as well as that you are always being charming to people when they are present and later on you always want to criticise them behind their backs! (pause for a deep breath)

# What is accessible to a narcissist and to no-one else?
The family finances.

# What's a narcissist's idea of hard work?
Arranging for lots of people to do all the chores.

# Why does a narcissist find it tiring to have lots of visitors?
Who said that acting wasn't tiring? (the narcissist has to present a false image to those whom he/she feels the need to impress - however -If the visitors stay long enough the narcissist might eventually let his/her guard down and the visitors might see a truer picture)

# Why do narcissists feel the need to control other people?
Perhaps it makes up for them not being able to control themselves.

# How do you get a narcissist to respect other peoples' preferences?
You can dream!

# What do you call a narcissist who can graciously accept criticism or blame?
Dead.

# What do you call a narcissist who is content to sit in the background during a lively discussion?
Rare! (the narcissist will always seek attention from others)

# What do you call a narcissist who can get through a whole day without criticising someone?
Unfeasible! (narcissists have to criticise others incessantly, despite the fact that they cannot bear to receive criticism)

# How can you tell when a narcissist is telling lies?
His/her lips are moving (narcissists feel a need to lie - it is regarded as an intrinsic part of his/her defenses)

# What do you call a narcissist who is apparently content to sit and watch someone else being praised?
One that's eager to impress the present company of course! (narcissists don't really like to see people other than themselves being praised unless the person being praised is of exceptionally high status)

# What should you do if you want to reveal your closest secrets to everyone?
Tell your darkest secrets to a narcissist first, then the narcissist will pass on your secret whenever he/she thinks it most appropriate(i.e. sooner rather than later).

# What do you call a narcissist who is always keen to return the favours which others do for him/her?
On the road to a cure, perhaps. (narcissists like to ask favours of others but don't really like others to ask favours of them)

# What's a narcissist's idea of compromise?
Persuading others to go along with the narcissist's preferences.

# What do you call a narcissist who is never vengeful?
A myth.

# Why does a narcissist often fail to keep his/her word?
Because a narcissist's promise is the narcissist's own property. So the narcissist has a right to break his/her promise if he/she wishes.

# What do you call a narcissist who learns to empathize with people in his/her family?
Cured! (inability to empathize properly with others is a key feature of pathological narcissism)

# What do you call a narcissist who is always content to let his/her husband or wife or children choose where the family should go on holiday to?
Definitely not a narcissist! (narcissists like to get their own way when it comes to making the decisions which they consider to be important)

# What do you call a narcissist who is content to let his/her husband or wife or children choose where the family should go on holiday to?
Planning something - He's going to run off and put the house in his name while everyone is away.




---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Psychopath test.........One question.


Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result.
This is not a trick question . It is as it reads.

No one I know has gotten it right.

A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a man who she did not know. She thought he was 'amazing.' She believed him to be her dream partner so much, that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him. A few days later she killed her sister.

Question: What was her motive for killing her sister?

Give this some thought before you look.

See answer below:











Answer:

She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you
answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test
by a famous American Psychologist used to test if one has the same
mentality as a killer.

Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the
question correctly.

If you could not answer the question correctly, good for you.

If you did answer correctly, please let me know so I can take you off my e-mail list.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MENTAL HOSPITAL PHONE MENU

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental Hospital.

Please select from the following options menu:

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the Mothership.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell you which number to press.

If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you are manic-bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss , press 9. If you have
short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too busy to talk with you.

If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang up, turn on the fan, lie down and cry. You won't be crazy forever.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------