Your story sounds similar to mine. My relationship was only 2 years long but it ended abruptly and my life was turned upside down. I spent the last 2 years rebuilding my life, which has been difficult yet wonderful. I traveled and got a great job and moved and met an amazing man. We've been dating for just shy of a year. However, I have developed such intense anxiety since my relationship with my ex. I've been therapy for a while trying to work through it. It has gotten easier, and my boyfriend is wonderful and empathetic and patient with real emotions and the inability to manipulate. However, despite everything I still have moments where I feel like I can't breathe. Like - this is it. I wasn't perfect. I reacted to something emotionally, I didn't support him enough, I started a fight - now the ball is going to drop. He's going to leave me and I deserve it because I'm "crazy" and "emotionally unstable" (words he used frequently). And then I have what my therapist calls my "shame spiral", where I start to beat myself up because I feel so weak and helpless, like something is wrong with me. I feel so much shame and embarrassment. Why can't I just let it go?

It's exhausting living your life feeling like you constantly have to earn your happiness. I don't know how to get rid of it either.

But I'll tell you what helps. Therapy. Being honest with my boyfriend. Reading books and joining forums like this. Knowing that my feelings are validated.

Your feelings are validated. If you haven't read it yet, I recommend reading "Psychopath Free" (he covers narcissists and sociopaths as well). The author was in a psychologically abusive relationship. At times it was tough for me to read but it was a sort of therapy in itself.

I hope this helps.

I understand that it's hard, and that you don't want to get hurt again. I'm sorry someone hurt you like that. All I can say is that what you're feeling is valid, and your partner probably understands that. Take things slow, and go with whatever your feelings tell you is right

I have not had a relationship since my sociopath but I do fear that I will never trust again. I understand your hesitations and your anxiety. I think you are doing all the right things. As long as your partner is understanding, it will be ok.

Well as it turns out, my anxiety over my current relationship was spot on.
This one has wronged me too. I just found out 2 days ago.
Keep your guard on, ladies.

My ex husband continues to stalk and harrass me 10 years after our divorce. Most recently he enjoys attempting to manipulate the legal system while also abusing it and violating court orders, filing false allegations against me repeatedly and forcing me to pay an attorney to fight him to protect the children, while he doesn’t even pay his portion of the children’s care. He has also been attempting to manipulate the children and turn them against me. This is the third time he has buried me financially. I survive it by focusing on knowing that someday I will be free of this man, when my children are grown.

Aronia, I am so sorry!!!! Maybe the little good news is that nothing is wrong with you!!! This was just your intuition telling you that something was not right! Hang in there!!!!!