SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
Do any of you guys just feel like you hate your abuser’s guts with everything you’ve got and wish they just didn’t exist? I know that sounds bad, but I do. Mine lives right down the street from me and just knowing he exists down there and goes about destroying people’s lives down there and produces/exerts so much evil literally destroys me. He gave me more evil, destruction, hate, and cruelty in a year than I’ve experienced/witnessed in my entire life combined. I can’t help but hate him with all of me!!
As an adult I've had a lot more time with my parents without my brother and learned that we can have a constructive relationship. At our last family gathering it was such a shock to see my brothers effect on me and my parents. Mum and dad had an explosive fight, I was gaslighted into believing my behaviour was upsetting Dad and general imcompetence and
Dad suddenly became distant with me. My brother assumed position of head of the household (classic).
And I realised that this is what I had been dealing with my whole life - I just couldn't isolate the effects of my brother before.
Your abuser probably treats his family just as badly as he treated you, but he knows he needs to cover his tracks with them!
We end up being their enablers unknowingly. We are caring by nature so even when they are being that person behind the mask US GOOD HEARTED PEOPLE don't want the problems so we do whatever we can to make things better for them. We are the better person in all of this. We care about people, we want to believe people are good. We trust and we feel every emotion genuinely. We are kind and caring. That is a true human being! That is the way we should be.
I have had a lot of downs in the past year. I realized I am in a depression. I have secluded myself and others around me. Thinking I'm not a good judge of character. I don't trust anyone anymore. I have good days and bad.
This has been a good week so far for me. I, like an idiot, not too long a go I reached out to my sociopath for answers (through email) and he responded in such an evil spirited way that I started to shake. The flashback of my last month at that job of everything he did came back and the fear started all over again. The evil aura he had around him, The way his eyes were black when he looked at me. The way I could feel him sneering at me behind my back like daggers stabbing me. The anger. I almost started to cry and re-live it all. Then I thought "NO!" he's not doing it again. So I started to reply back the same way he did....then I said to myself how much he loves confrontation. How much he would love to have something happen to go lie and brag about it in a twisted untrue way. So my way of getting him back was to not respond. Not to give him more to lie about. And I guess my satisfaction is knowing he is still an angry person and he is carrying that everyday all day. And I realized it was time for me to let go and start to heal My pain is more important then his. I don't like how I feel and my satisfaction of him still being angry doesn't mean a thing unless I stop carrying my pain from it. I can't win if I'm still hurting. Our revenge is still living normal happy productive lives we always wanted before them. Before they even came into our lives. When they see they have not affected us they realized they failed not us. For me even though it is a part of my life that will never go away the silver lining for me is I now know and can spot a person like them to make sure it never happens again. And I just pray my senses are more intuitive these types of people now. I know its hard but try to constantly think positive thoughts. The good things about yourself. You have to dig deep to find yourself again. But no matter what you will. Have faith yourself.
Wow. That is a really horrible story. I am so sorry!!! It is so hard to get it through my head that some people are just evil. I was doing so well for a couple of weeks but I had a major backslide last night. I wish I had read your message before I did what I did!!! I had to have two conference calls with my sociopath this week and it put me into a tailspin. I am so angry that he felt entitled to use me for 6 years and then devalue me and discard me over and over again for 2 years telling me that it was my fault the whole time. Everyone thinks is he is so wonderful. I have never told anyone who knows him what he really is. I got so angry last night that I texted him many times telling him that I know that he is a sociopath, that I realize now that he deliberately set out to destroy me, and that, if he tries to harm me in any way that I will expose him. After 6 years of being together, I found out that he was married the whole time and when I got hurt and angry he had no empathy at all. However, he kept saying that he loved me and he would end his marriage but he never took any steps towards doing so. He only made hollow apologies when I asked for them and it was clear that they were just an attempt to keep me on a string so he could have me and his wife. No one at work knows that he is married. He has pretended to be single for 12 years so that he can have relationships with other women. I mean, only a narcissist would do this, right? Since I texted him telling him that I know what he is, I am afraid that he will take revenge and try to destroy my career or tell people that I am the crazy one. I mean, he did make me crazy! I know that he destroyed the career of a previous girlfriend. He said that it was because she was embezzling money but now I doubt that this was true. The courts found no evidence for it but it didn't matter, her career was over. I regret what I did last night so much and it has really set me way back on my path to recovery.
You had to be confronted with your exes false self twice in a week - probably the same self that made you fall in love with him. That's a lot of cognitive dissonance to assimilate, and it's not surprising you want your knowledge of the real him validated in some way.
What's important to remember is what's happened has happened, and it could have been a lot worse. I once relapsed so badly during "no contact" that I ended up sleeping with my psycopath again. It's not something I'm proud of, but it also didn't alter my course of recovery.
Social predators will attack their targets regardless of the targets' actions towards them. He was incredibly cruel when you were nothing but kind and fair. Calling him out on his behaviour doesn't necessarily mean he will be driven to retaliate. I once confronted my psychopath about his condition - it didn't get me anywhere, but it also didn't inspire him to up the ante.
If your ex does try a smear campaign remember the people you work with have a lot of experience of you being great at your job. All of their positive experiences of you will make it difficult your exes smear campaign to gain traction. He may have made you act in our of character ways in your relationship, but people can't judge what they don't see and if they only know your work-side then it will be hard for your ex to persuade them of anything otherwise.
If you are concerned about the extent in which he could impact your career it could be a good idea to speak to someone in HR or even a lawyer to get advice about the best way to protect yourself in the event of a false accusation. Your ex only has 'hearsay' to attack you with, and getting a defense in early can mitigate the effects of such an attack. It is also a good idea to document your interactions with him, if only for your own sanity!
It sounds like you are doing amazingly to rewire after such a prolonged attack by a psychopath. You have had to be so much stronger than normal folk could never imagine.
I understand why you texted him. I reached out too. But I got such a bad response it made me realize he was not worth it and it was time to let go. Wondering if he hated me. What I did to set him off. Because at one time we were friends, who could talk and get along well and have great conversations and laugh a lot, I even would make it a mission to say or do something wen he came in to make sure he stayed in a good mood for my sake and others. I was wrong. All of that was his way of keeping me on his good side while he played his games with me. Even though I did not want to believe that it is reality and I have to accept it and move on. I think maybe you went back still looking for the one little thing he would say that to show everything wasn't a lie. He did care about your time together. You should know that if there was some real feelings there he will not tell you. He needs to stay true to who/what he is. He lied so much to you and probably about you he needs to keep you away so you do not expose him. You know a lot about him. You are a threat to him now. Please be careful. These types of people are predictable and unpredictable.
Thank you all so much!!! I cannot tell you how much your responses have helped me!!! You are all correct. They are what they are and they will always have victims. It is not personal, we just fell for thier lies because we believe that people are good and honest. I have recovered from my backslide and I have been NC since. I will protect myself by making changes in my job that will limit contact. This is possible without affecting my career. My fear of retaliation has subsided since I realize that I am the one with the power. I know that he is married while none of his colleagues do. He won't try to hurt me or it would expose him as a liar. I am no longer naive about people. There are good people and there are bad people. Now I see this. I hope you all are doing better this week too!!!
BiG Hugs to you all!!!