Don’t let them drag you down, it seems they are in need of drama in their poor make believe personas. Most couldn’t take what you’ve already endured and your only task should be your own healing. Gentle blessings

Thanks I'm a natural healer. I'm better at healing others tho, with myself it takes time.

Boy - I totally agree with you! My ex husband was very controlling in the bedroom. I didn't know any different cuz I was a virgin, too. He used to yell in my face and I had to follow his rules. After 10 years, I finally told a counselor. Then my husband was so angry because I told. I don't think the Shades of Grey is at all romantic! I'm in a minority. My daughter read and liked them. I usually read books she liked then we could talk about it. After forcing my way, feeling sick, through the first book, I couldn't do anymore. My daughter, who's 24, doesn't talk to me at all now. Not even at Christmas. She and my son felt that I had a negative attitude toward their Dad and now side with him. It's amazing to me. I never told them how he hired a fancy lawyer to get out of increasing child support. How he refused to pay half the child care so they had to stay alone. How I feared homelessness for us since both my parents had passed away and my brothers didn't help or contact me. My ex lived rent free with his Mom in a big house with a high paying job so he had no worries. I have learning disability and employers said I didn't learn fast enough so I could never get a good job to take care of us. I think the Shades of Grey is empower towards abusive controlling men just like you do!

Big Hugs Try keep your chin up.. Message me if you want x

Children often side with the parent they see as more powerful, in order to feel more powerful themselves
It doesn't mean you aren't strong, you know you are, but they see themselves surviving longer in their own lives if they ignore what happened to you.
I can't talk to my mom much about my ex because she won't believe me. She was friends with his mom and is old fashioned and thinks that he was a good man who could "take care of me" so she wouldn't worry. Gee thanks Mom for the confidence vote. Apparently even tho I own our house and pay all the bills and taxes and helped my current bf with all his shit, I still can't take care of anyone.
Learning disorders don't define you, my cousin has a learning disorder and she does fine because she asks for extra help when she needs it and she isn't lazy, she perseveres.

IDK WTF is wrong with people and liking that movie, WTF ever happened to great normal sex, like kow you need clamps and torture, well sounds like they are doing it wrong.

THANK YOU. I’ve been thinking this, and unless they’re someone who has been directly affected by sexual abuse, they don’t understand how traumatic and horrific the experience actually is. Too many women I’ve spoken to have a sort of “rape fantasy”. It’s taken me years to heal from constant and violent rape/abuse. So it pisses me off that so many people glorify rape. BDSM is different, it’s not about abuse, but even people in the BDSM community have said that what the characters do in Fifty Shades isn’t BDSM, it’s assault. Ugh.

I very much feel for you. My abusive ex was my first also. He told me the same thing. BDSM was normal. He made me do DD/lg (daddy dom/little girl), lots of ageplay, would force me to dress up in little girls clothes while he raped me and told me I liked it. The worst part was that he brainwashed me and conditioned me into doing this so often and for so many hours, that I could no longer identify myself sexually outside of this. He'd make me look into his eyes for hours, sometimes 10 hours, 12... while he was high on adderall or coke, and he'd force me to talk like a child while I got him off. He always had on porn. He'd force me to study porn stars and act more like them.

People do not know how damaging their words can be when you've been through something this traumatic.