Hi Heyvee!

Quickly read this:
http://datingasociopath.com/2013/11/16/why-breaking-no-contact-rule-is-a-very-bad-idea-after-an-abusive-relationship/

Believe me dear: it is NOT and NEVER a good idea to contact someone who has abused you. You are going back for more abuse and everything which comes with it: NOTHING good will and can come from it, because what you are missing, the person he painted himself to be, DOES NOT EXIST!

If you feel the urge to contact him, just surf around on the site I gave you the link to, up on top. A wealth of information!
Build yourself an armor through knowledge! Dear Heyvee: you deserve better! It's just (another) bump in the road, but you will learn to skip over these obstacles as you get stronger and better informed!

Go read it now and let us know what you think!

I know how you are feeling hewee. I have to constantly remind myself the person I once loved was a character, a part someone played. He was not real. And the real person does not love, value, or respect me. He wants to hurt me. If I go back, I get hurt more. And this healing process will be even more difficult. What we have to also remind ourselves, is that just b/c of what that one diluted, selfish person thought of us, does not make us so! We are not weak, we are not stupid. We have good hearts and souls. And we deserve so much more! Real love! Please do not contact him and let him abuse you further. He does not deserve a minute of your attention or any of your energy!

What both of you are saying makes sense and I know that the article is true.....but I still blame myself for many things and I am honestly afraid of my own thoughts after this relationship. He told me I was crazy and claimed I was bipolar. And there were moments where I felt that my mood did change rapidly and I felt like I had no control over how I was feeling. I got upset if I would text him "I love you" at night and he wouldn't respond to my text at all and then the next day at like 4pm he would casually just text me what I was doing instead of returning the love. Or he wouldn't text me at all throughout the day until like 8pm, while claiming that he thought of me every second of every day.
I was just constantly in fear thinking that I loved him and cared for him more than he did for me.
And suddenly I became sensitive to everything. If I wanted to cuddle and he shoved me away at night I would get really upset. I constantly wanted to shower him with love and I don't know.....he just made me feel like I demanded too much. Like..if I got upset if he didn't respond to my text I was "crazy" and bipolar and unreasonable.
Maybe I am bipolar.
Maybe I have more to do with the way this relationship ended than I thought I did.
I still, six months later, constantly blame myself for the end of the relationship...despite the ways that he treated me.
I'm afraid of how I will behave with my next love and I constantly do compare people to him and dont think anyone is good enough. I'm just completely lost. I don't know what to do or think anymore. I'm afraid of myself, I hate who I am, and I do believe that I'm insane. That even a disgusting terrible selfish person like him couldn't want me because of my baggage and craziness.

That's exactly what he wants you to believe. But no no no, you are NOT crazy. He put you on an emotional roller coaster and neglected you which is not healthy in a loving relationship. My ex would do the same and not respond to me for hours, making my mind wonder, frustrating me and causing me stress. It is the game they are playing. You feel the way you do b/c he conditioned you to feel this way. It's the abuse! You deserve someone who is there for you and who will hold you at night and show affection and make you feel safe and secure!