SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
Tonight i was so stupid, i phoned him. what did i expect, for him to even be available and have a conversation - instead he said, after 13 years together, what do you want, and then put the phone down and turned it off. What i wanted was some closure, to tell him how manipulated, duped, controlled and fucked up i felt by him and how much damage he had caused my life. I hoped he would say sorry or even just talk to me, as I feel shaky and alone and discarded. To say to me, you were important and loved by me during those years but now we have had to move on and its over. But nothing. It makes one feel worthless and you cant believe this person you spent all this time with just says what do you want and then switches off his phone so you cant reach him. Its true what they say that there will never be any closure. There will never be any realisation or admittance of their effect on you and your life. You have been discarded and thats that. You are no longer invited to talk to him or any opinion or feeling you share is immaterial to him. He doesnt give a shit. Last words i heard from him were stay out of my life, dont phone me, dont come near my home, I want nothing to do with you. Its that harsh and that simple. No matter that my life is rock bottom and he has been a damaging factor - he doesnt give a damn and will never admit it. He is already involved with someone else and she is now his focus. Stay away from US were also his words. Its devastating and you are stunned by the lack of compassion. Its as if you never existed and nor did the 13 years together. Its horrendous.
Harsh truth- he doesn't give a damn. You are right. But, he doesn't give a damn about his new person either. Take a little comfort in that. She is the next victim. He isn't loving her, instead of you, he doesn't love anyone.
He is sick, Pendra. I get the vision of Mickey Mouse from Fantasia- up on a pedestal, using his wand as a conductor's baton to make everyone dance around him. He is the puppet master, and he is getting off on the situation he is creating.
Think about it- He is tearing your world apart. He loves that he has the power to do that. All the while he is love bombing this new victim. Can't you just hear him? Fooling that poor girl into thinking it is them against the world? Them against you? That is a bonding experience that he is creating for them, to lure her in deeper. 2 birds, 1 stone! How fun for him!!! What a douche.
You are right, it is horrendous. It sickens me. I just hope for you, that in time, you build your callous. I am no one to throw a rock here, as I still struggle with it. In a different way, as I no longer have feelings for my ex- but I do find myself still wasting energy on arguements and trying to make him "see the light". I have known this man 15 years, have yet to accomplish that task on any matter. It takes time- You will get there.
Don't think of it as being discarded, think of it as being released from prision. He is not a person you want in your life. ((HUGS))
I understand your feeling of frustration. You were with him many years, devoting your time and heart to him. I've been with my NH over 25 years. And he has cheated on me many times... making me feel unworthy and insignificant. I finally realized that it wouldn't have mattered if I had been the most gorgeous woman on earth, successful and rich, more giving, more sexy... it would NOT have mattered. The narcs and socs will still treat their supplies like crap. Using those who care for them.
He probably is lovebombing his new supply right now. And he's doing something else narcs and socs do. He's lying and twisting the truth. Putting all the blame on you, trying to make you out as the bad guy. But the truth always comes out. When he starts cheating on this new girl, making her feel insecure and not good enough, lying and manipulating her.... it won't be pretty. It's the narcs and socs neverending cycle of putting their target, their supply, on a pedestal. Making her feel like the most amazing woman ever and so loved. But it isn't love. It's setting her up so he can drain her of all her energy. Your ex is a soul vampire... sucking the life from his supplies.
It takes time to recover from the pain you're feeling, but I promise it will get better... much better! You deserve so much better! We're here for you, pendra. Keep posting and reading. It helps a lot. Your narcissistic ex lost the best thing to happen to him... you. He didn't know how lucky he was, and now it's his loss. You're going to be okay, sweetie. We care about you. Much love and peace to you. Hugs (((((pendra))))