Darling Pendra, you are NOT alone, my friend. After reading your posts, my heart goes out to you. Life can feel so overwhelming sometimes. I do understand. Try taking things one step at a time. Literally make a list of what your needs are and focus on each thing. One step at a time. You're going to overcome this, Pendra. Hang in there, sweetie.

Don't spend any of your energy right now on those friends, who were not good friends, who left you when you needed them. Don't spend any time or thoughts on anything that is not within your control to take care of right at this moment. Focus on what you 'can' do. You will climb out of this despair.... even if it's only in baby steps for now.

You are part of a really great group here. We all care about you, and I cannot stress to you enough that you are NOT alone. You will grow stronger, a little bit every day. Take another deep breath, my friend. Your days of darkness are growing lighter.... You will overcome this. Sending you a giant hug ((((((((((pendra))))))))))

Thank you for your warm and loving note spirit sprout, I need the encouragement and the feeling of care rather than the rejection and discardment I have experienced, also by many friends. I have just had an aborted attempt to remove my officially owned dogs from him so that I can stop all contact with him and it did not work, I am going to have to get the law involved when I am ready to take them and in the meantime put them in the background and focus on my health and stop contact with him until i am ready - his abuse and control seems to have escalated since he has discarded me as if there is now nothing but disdain and hatred and of course once again he is projecting onto me and saying I am a sick woman, and his anger and temper is hectic. I have to stop all contact with him until I am stronger. I see that now

Yes, pendra, one step at a time. Focus on your health right now and becoming stable in some kind of residence... whether that should be a women's shelter temporarily or one of your friends homes. I'm really concerned about your physical health and your battle with cancer. Perhaps that can be a starting point on the road back to happiness. And you will find happiness again.... you are on a journey of healing and recovery. One step at a time, dear. And remember, any progress made.... even baby steps is still progress. Take another deep breath, my friend.

spirit, i don't want to make lists and i don't want to end up in a womans shelter, and i don't want to be broken down any more, today I lost my dogs to him, I can't see the light, I don't know how to do this - i feel nothing but rejected and discarded, also by friends, i have no family they are all dead, i feel like just giving up - i don't know how to do this and today i have tears pouring down my face - i am deeply unhappy and sad, i don't care any more, not for myself, or anything. I've had four years of relentless hell and I am tired. Now rejected and discarded and my beloved baby dogs taken from me. Nothing matters to me right now. I am a strong woman who has been through relentless challenges and I kept standing up every day. I don't know how to stand up right now. I have no friends to talk to, most of them are gone, bored to death or just no longer interested or don't know what to do, and who would never understand, who say get over it and move on, i have no one to call on. Only this site. My grief feels immense. I don't want to go on.

pendra, you have us and we care. you are feeling the lowest you will ever feel in your life and its horrible. your not alone. i had no one either i went through this alone till i found this site and people who cared showed me a new way to live. do you have a place to stay is my concern at the moment.???? i know you dont want to even talk that is all normal, nor go to shelters or do anything its exausting. just dont give up it doesnt get worse only better than this. you can get well and get your dogs back when your feeling better dont think about that its to overwelming right now, put it in your brain that you will get them back when you feel better and have somewhere to take them. even if you have to sneak in and steal them back you will !!! this guy is doing this to hurt you and cause you pain. period. he is a punk and nothing more. no one wanted to hear it when i went through this either so i pulled myself away from everyone and hit bottem. the only good thing about bottem is there is no where to go but up. please let us help you by being there for you.all you need is to communicate with us here.

I know what you guys mean about your friends not wanting to hear it anymore. I lost a couple of friends because I tried to get their support and help, and I told them too much. Even one of my sisters seems to avoid me if I need to talk. I thank God every day for DS and all of you here.

Pendra, you are not alone! Never give up. Keep talking and getting out all the toxic pain your ex has inflicted on you. Getting it out, unloading it on the pages here will help you. We care about you, and send nothing but healing thoughts and prayers to you. We've been in your shoes. We do understand about the depression and the dark thoughts. You are not alone.