SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
I have a confession to make, a few actually. And it scares me a little bit.
a few days before my ex broke things off we got into a fight. The next day he said he wanted to see me, and that everything was ok and he wasn't mad at me and wanted to go to the beach. then I found he ignored me completely for three days. We never went to the beach. I got worried sick, scared, I was upset that he would act this way and neglect me for the rest of our lives and I just deleted him on all social networks and ignored his last text to me. I just don't know what came over me I guess I instinctively did it as this defense mechanism. I didn't know hoe else I would allow myself to leave him while I felt so confused by his behavior. The next day I waited and thought about things and realized I wasn't ready to leave him. I just wanted to talk to him about things and clear the air
by then I don't know if he was weirded out by my behavior but...thats when he started ignoring my calls and when he finally picked up I told him I was coming over. I came over with a gift I bought him after our fight a few days before and I tried to be affectionate and be myself. When I saw him that night I realized I wanted to work on things and pretend like nothing happened. That's when he threw me off of him and ignored me and turned his back on me and then dumped me two days later with no remorse, no care, nothing....
when our relationship ended he called me bipolar. I do feel like my actions literally in the last few days of our relationship could have been some kind of bipolar behavior or cognitive dissonance? I feel like i acted the way a psychopath would...that immediate blocking on instagram/discard. Although of course it was never my intention and i didn't want to hurt him i just freaked out and didn't know what to do with my emotions, how neglected i felt and how insecure i felt after our fight.
what if I'm a narc/psychopath just like him?! What if i acted so childishly to illicit a response from him just as a psychopath would? What if I'm the psychopath and he isn't? And he finally saw who i was when he realized i blocked him suddenly and then flipped and tried to comfort him and chase after him?
what if i am crazy? These actions have been bringing me a lot of guilt....and i need your honest opinions.
there is something else i have been feeling extreme guilt over.....
i begged for three months to be friends with my ex again. Finally he responded to me after three months but only when it was convenient for him. He left me stranded at a bar waiting for him, continued to ignore my texts, and then one night around 1030 he asked me to come over. I was desperate to see him again...i was still in love with him. And i ran over and when he greeted me he said, just letting you know Ryder is here
Ryder was his four year old son that he forbade me to see until he felt ready for me to see him when we were going out. So i never met Ryder during our relationship.
at that moment i should have ran but i didnt....
and i went upstairs with my ex and his angel of a child was sleeping in the next room
my ex poured us drinks and lit a joint and i got completely trashed and we slept together. All while his kid who i was never even allowed to see when we were together was sleeping in the next room.
i was in so much shock just being in the same room as my ex that i did everything he did. I let him sleep with me, i drank with him....with no consideration for that child or what might happen if god forbid there was a problem with him.
i was so desperate and stupid. What kind of man invites a woman over when his child is asleep in the next room, especially one who isn't the Childs mother...especially a woman who is his ex girlfriend..and sleeps with her and gets high with her like that?
when i left his place i literally felt like a used up prostitute and was disgusted by myself. I have been haunted about my actions....his actions...our actions since.
that poor child. If i knew my child was in that situation, sleeping while his father drank and smoked and slept with a woman that meant nothing to him...i would lose my mind.
i feel like a disgusting person. I'm disgusted by what a terrible father he is. I'm disgusted by how i allowed myself to act that way knowing a child was involved. I'm starting to feel just like him. I feel like a terrible person.......
do i deserve to be forgiven for all of this? How do i forgive myself?
a few days before my ex broke things off we got into a fight. The next day he said he wanted to see me, and that everything was ok and he wasn't mad at me and wanted to go to the beach. then I found he ignored me completely for three days. We never went to the beach. I got worried sick, scared, I was upset that he would act this way and neglect me for the rest of our lives and I just deleted him on all social networks and ignored his last text to me. I just don't know what came over me I guess I instinctively did it as this defense mechanism. I didn't know hoe else I would allow myself to leave him while I felt so confused by his behavior. The next day I waited and thought about things and realized I wasn't ready to leave him. I just wanted to talk to him about things and clear the air
by then I don't know if he was weirded out by my behavior but...thats when he started ignoring my calls and when he finally picked up I told him I was coming over. I came over with a gift I bought him after our fight a few days before and I tried to be affectionate and be myself. When I saw him that night I realized I wanted to work on things and pretend like nothing happened. That's when he threw me off of him and ignored me and turned his back on me and then dumped me two days later with no remorse, no care, nothing....
when our relationship ended he called me bipolar. I do feel like my actions literally in the last few days of our relationship could have been some kind of bipolar behavior or cognitive dissonance? I feel like i acted the way a psychopath would...that immediate blocking on instagram/discard. Although of course it was never my intention and i didn't want to hurt him i just freaked out and didn't know what to do with my emotions, how neglected i felt and how insecure i felt after our fight.
what if I'm a narc/psychopath just like him?! What if i acted so childishly to illicit a response from him just as a psychopath would? What if I'm the psychopath and he isn't? And he finally saw who i was when he realized i blocked him suddenly and then flipped and tried to comfort him and chase after him?
what if i am crazy? These actions have been bringing me a lot of guilt....and i need your honest opinions.
there is something else i have been feeling extreme guilt over.....
i begged for three months to be friends with my ex again. Finally he responded to me after three months but only when it was convenient for him. He left me stranded at a bar waiting for him, continued to ignore my texts, and then one night around 1030 he asked me to come over. I was desperate to see him again...i was still in love with him. And i ran over and when he greeted me he said, just letting you know Ryder is here
Ryder was his four year old son that he forbade me to see until he felt ready for me to see him when we were going out. So i never met Ryder during our relationship.
at that moment i should have ran but i didnt....
and i went upstairs with my ex and his angel of a child was sleeping in the next room
my ex poured us drinks and lit a joint and i got completely trashed and we slept together. All while his kid who i was never even allowed to see when we were together was sleeping in the next room.
i was in so much shock just being in the same room as my ex that i did everything he did. I let him sleep with me, i drank with him....with no consideration for that child or what might happen if god forbid there was a problem with him.
i was so desperate and stupid. What kind of man invites a woman over when his child is asleep in the next room, especially one who isn't the Childs mother...especially a woman who is his ex girlfriend..and sleeps with her and gets high with her like that?
when i left his place i literally felt like a used up prostitute and was disgusted by myself. I have been haunted about my actions....his actions...our actions since.
that poor child. If i knew my child was in that situation, sleeping while his father drank and smoked and slept with a woman that meant nothing to him...i would lose my mind.
i feel like a disgusting person. I'm disgusted by what a terrible father he is. I'm disgusted by how i allowed myself to act that way knowing a child was involved. I'm starting to feel just like him. I feel like a terrible person.......
do i deserve to be forgiven for all of this? How do i forgive myself?
Please forgive yourself for the self-reproach you are feeling. This is on him, not you. I'm sorry this has caused you such anguish, but please don't allow it to control you. Throw any feelings of guilt or shame out the window. And I know that is easier said than done. But you didn't create that scenario, HE did. Not you, V.
These narcs and sociopaths are experts at handling others... exploiting the good and beautiful souls. I think that's their objective. They feel so rotten about themselves, and they basically transfer their negative darkness in exchange for the positive light within their prey.... their sources of supply.
You were a victim of his monstrous behavior, heyvee. Don't carry that burden anymore, darling. Put this behind you and move forward. Peace and love to you, V... and a big (((Hug))) to you! :)
I have asked myself the same questions, at times. What if it's me? What if I am the one with the problem? What if he was right?
....but then I remind myself, of ALL these odd behaviors and many of them not being a way of how one looks at them, meaning, they seemed odd to me, but not to someone else. They WERE odd....VERY! ...only, they were behaviors most people (his family, friends etc) did not see, as they were hidden.
I blew his cover. I lived with him (first woman he EVER lived with at 48....that should have been a HUGE red flag! Duh!). I found out. I knew. So, I had to be discredited. Put down. Diminished.
.....and as my distress grew, I REacted (just like you, like anyone would) and BINGO, looked like the one who wasn't quite alright, couldn't cope, was irresponsible and so on.
Don't beat yourself up over what you think you DID. You would never act in such a way, would you have been with a kind, caring and loving person. HE would never have acted like that.
Just remind yourself, he successfully was pulling your strings, manipulated you and now: don't let him screw with your mind!
I know, it's confusing when these doubts we have about ourselves creep in. They are merely remnants of a time passed.
Just the fact that you are doubting yourself and feel for that child; NO, you definitely are neither a P, S or any of these shitheads.
Love and hugs
I feel like if I was a mature adult I would have been like...ok he lives a busy life I doubt he means to ignore me. I asked him a few times if we could communicate more but if I loved him I should have just accepted that right?
I don't know why we never went to the beach. I was texting him that day. He texted me at like 4pm saying- I went on a run with my brother. Weather isnt so great today huh?
Then I texted him a picture of me wearing a hat he got me. And he said, "Oh youre wearing the hat"
And then nothing......never asked to see me, never texted me even though he said he wanted to see me the day after our fight.
About a day later in the morning, as if nothing had happened "Hi hope you have a good class!"
I was confused at his really happy text and just said "Thanks"
Then didn't hear from him for a whole day. He texted me at 9 saying "I'm going to take care of my sick friend, I can cook us dinner tomorrow!"
And thats when I just shut down. I felt rejected. He knew how much pain I was feeling after our fight. I sent him a huge long essay saying sorry and how hard its been for me to cope with my emotions and how afraid I am to lose him and how I love him and just want to come over and hold him again.
He didn't respond to my first "essay" so I sent it twice thinking that maybe he didn't get it. Then he responded saying "Its fine, lets do something tomorrow lets go to the beach!"
And then that never happened. And I wasn't sure if he was actually taking care of his sick friend or not. But literally it was like two days of no communicating throughout the day at all and him expressing no desire to see me but sending these peppy "happy" texts??
I was angry and upset and felt neglected.....and thats when I just shut down and blocked him off everything. I just needed a night where I couldn't look at his picture...
And then the next day I decided that I needed to talk to him in person and express how I felt insecure but loved him deeply and wanted to work on things and start over.
When I texted him that day he didnt respond to any of my texts. I sent him a poem I wrote that he didnt respond to. I told him to call me after work and he didnt
When I called him around 9 he talked to me in an annoyed tone telling me my poem was confusing, that he doesn't have time to respond to or read that kind of stuff, that he was tired of me getting upset over small things like him not wanting to cuddle with me when I wanted to cuddle. (When it happened I would get really quiet and kind of turn away because I felt rejected)
I started crying on the phone and then somehow his phone just died. He didn't call me back at all. I waited like forty five minutes to call him back. Then he said, what, what now? Gave me some story of how he was in the shower after running and then his phone died when he was talking to me and then said...Lets just start over ok? Lets do something this week/next weekend. Lets start over. Immediately I said, I'm coming over. He said he was tired but I said I just wanted to hold him. And he was like "Ok I guess".
And then when I came over, he didn't even open the door for me or get up when I saw him. He sat ten feet away from me on the couch and when I kissed him on the lips he didnt kiss me back. When he went to bed he didn't invite me. I followed him and put my arm around him and he threw it off of me and then put a pillow between us and yelled me for touching him.
The next morning I left him a letter saying I was sorry if I ever did anything to hurt him and that I wanted to start over. I left while he was sleeping. I never heard from him throughout the day, or the next day, or the next day, despite my efforts to invite him out to his favorite restaurant and see him telling him I missed him and was sorry.
And then when I practically begged to call him after three days he told me he couldn't be in a relationship with me........
I just keep replaying all of this in my head...........I feel like I confused him, I shut him out, and then suffocated him. I just feel like I was the crazy one. I want to know where I really stand in all this. I want to know who I really am.....
Please stop beating yourself up for his nonsense. I was really pissed when you said you'd sent him a lovely poem and he berated you for it. What an unappreciative monster. You deserve SO much better than him or anyone like him. You deserve the very best because you are an amazing young woman, full of love to give the right guy! But don't settle for a defective dud like your ex. Be patient, and the right man will come along. Stay strong and don't doubt yourself anymore. :) Big hug to you V!!!!
I know I made a fool of myself by deleting his account and that it confused him..and he was probably even more confused by me rushing over to his place trying to fix everything after doing such a cold thing to him by blocking him. I do know that I overwhelmed him and maybe I did act a little crazy out of saddness and him not having any urgency to see me or wanting to go to the beach with me like he suggested.
I guess all I know is that...I did everything I could to reverse my stupid immature action to delete his account....after I heard him say "Lets just start over" thats when I decided to rush over and try to start over then and there. And I tried to be super happy and nice to him after seeing him and asking him to go out and to all of these restaurants and telling him I missed him.
I think he experienced a shift in my behaviors very suddenly. From deleting his account and then to me showering him with love..and thats what made him think Im bipolar and that he should run?
I don't know. I'm not saying he was an amazing person...because he did say many terrible things to me...but I guess what Im getting at is maybe I truly am responsible for the breakup. Would you be able to deal with someone who blocked you on facebook one day and then showered you with love the next?
I understand how I confused him and scared him...
They upset us... we get angry and do things like deleting them from FB. Then we feel guilty and try to make up for what we did. I've been there..... It's all part of their head games. It took me awhile to realize that, but after a couple years I can see it all clearly. I hope it doesn't take you that long to realize you were 'played'. I think I'm a slow learner sometimes, and I've been emotionally manipulated for over 25 years. But heyvee, I can 'feel' it is not you being in the wrong in your situation. Your ex is a creep.