SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group

A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...

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spartan158 08/22/2017

Despite being seperated from my sociopathic ex for 6 months, I continue daily to fight a battle of past and hypathetical arguments with her in my head. Unfortunately, I am not in a position to go "full no contact" with her (see my last post for an explanation). But I only speak with her very briefly three times a week... and thankfully, because she knows I record all contact between us, she hasn't shown her true, narssistic self in quiet awhile. I haven't had an argument with her in months... at least not in reality... but I re-live past fights and even imagine hypathetical arguments between us that never end up happening.

Anytime my brain is unoccupied, like in the shower, riding my bicycle or motorcycle or when I'm driving without distraction, I will re-live painful moments in our relationship, try to unravel her lies and piece together the true timeline of events that lead up to where I am now. I will also find myself comparing my current actions, or those of others to what my ex would have done. For example:

"I put in 15 hours overtime this week, she never would have worked overtime. Hell she doesn't even have a job."

The problem is that I have already discoved the truth of who she is, the details are clear and thinking about these events inevitably ruins my mood and never leads to progress in my life. Often, espcially later in the day when I've been over-analysing for hours, I will miss oppuritunities to connect with potential new friends or partners because I am in such a bad mood and feel these people could be just as sick as she was. But when I come home I always regret having been in such a bad mood and missed out on companionship and maybe even love.

I wish I could go full no contact with my ex, because even the small amount of contact I have with her doesn't help where forgetting is concerned. I want to be able to put away the past pain... to never think about it again, or atleast, not daily. I don't want hypathetical and past fights to ruin my mood and any possibility I have in moving on with someone better. I want to be able to think, undistracted and not have my ex enter my thoughts in some way.

Does anyone else feel the same way? Think the same way? How can you put it aside? How can you keep from chronicly over-analysing the painful memories?

lovebombyourself 08/22/2017

I still think about it all. Work keeps me busy. At night I seem to go to the past. I think time and self care is the key. It takes time and that part sucks. The good thing is you see it! A lot of victims don't even recognize it. Can you go to therapy? If you dont have insurenace there are places where you live that offer free or low pay counseling. Google it. I know you have to talk to her. Maybe when you do, keep it simple. Only discuss what has to be discussed. She will want you to engage and show emotion. When you get off the phone, you can write about all of it. Document what happens. I promise you that the flashbacks get better. I have over 100 e mails and texts from him. I saved everything for me. I don't read them, but if he pulls anything I will have what the police or anyone needs to prove the abuse. Is there something that you love to do that helps? I started running again. It's never too late to do what you want to do. I would get off the phone immediately if the subject goes elsewhere.

lovebombyourself 08/22/2017

My ex doesn't work either. I killed myself to pay our bills. I get it.

spartan158 08/24/2017

Thanks for the reply and great advice. I'm doing really well these past two days... even just writing this post and getting those thoughts out in the world has help a bit... daily 10 minutes meditation has also, along with good distractions from exercise and friends has improved my mood since writing this post. I also have a fair amount of the past abuse recorded... I wish I had had the foresight to recognize the abuse and record the abuse earlier. But when I did, I actually ordered a body camera (like what the police would use) and wore it so that if she got aggressive I could just hit a button and capture the provocations. So far these recordings haven't served a ton in court, but they do help to solidify in my mind who she is and why we are no longer together and that alone is enough to justify the cost of the camera.

DamlaSu 08/24/2017

Be patient, trust me if you have no contact, every day you'll feel stronger. It happened to me, that's why I know. Ask to yourself, what was missing in your life before her. What you really liked to do? Who you really are? You are not weak, you sound like a strong person. Do you want to be dependent of a sociopath who doesn't feel anything but use you or do you want to discover who really you are and discover the beauty of life. YOUR life. I wish you the strength to overcome of this difficult period and if you need to talk, DM me. I send you love and a big bear hug.

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