SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
Yesterday i realised that in many ways I am addicted to him. I have left and i spend lots of time alone but I find I think about him constantly and cant believe how i have been discarded, literally, by him. When he no longer found i could serve him in some way he just cut me out of his life, and this is after 13 years of seeking his love, changing my behaviour in order to be appreciated, like, loved, approved of, only to experience more of his verbal or other abuse. It's insane. Insane thinking, Insane behaviour. To continue to think that the phone might right with his name on it is Insane. or that he will care that i am now down and out also because of how he damaged my life (and I am not presenting myself as the victim, i stayed, i was there, I didn't make different choices) is Insane. Its like drug withdrawal, i have to keep reminding myself of how bad it was when i crave his attention or when I crave contact, none of which he makes anymore because he is done with me. In the past i somehow had the power to pull him back in an instant, but that has changed now, now he has ended things with me which is of course such a gift as it means I cant go back. But i am horrified at how much I crave his attention and to hear from him. Its Insane. I work every day at just staying away even though i am no longer welcome in his world. I dont make contact. I know what it feels like being there - horrendous - and yet I crave - its insane.
there is actually the same chemicals being released in your body right now as those of an addict who needs to get there fix to feel better. we do become addicted to our sociopaths. what your feeling is very real and will go away with time. but it takes time and usually people have to avoid and stay away from the thing they are craving. it is withdrawals in every sense of the word. how long have you been apart may i ask?
the longer you go without him or the "drug" the better you will start to feel but this isnt a short process so be ready to feel like this for awhile. do a lot of research which you probably all ready know that and ask lots of questions from people who have been there. try to avoid those who have not , they wont get it and are easy to just say, get over it. unfortunately you cant just get over it. but you will in time dont give up. everything you feel is right on track and we have all gone through this or still are. please dont think its insane everything you are feeling is very normal and will pass in time..bella
So glad to see you here. You've found a place of support and understanding. We completely understand what you're going through, and we're here for you. The first few weeks will be the hardest, and I am SO sorry you're experiencing that now. As Bella said, it takes a long time to really heal and recover from the pain, the mind games, the terrible treatment our abusers put on us. But it will get better! There will be good days and bad days, and eventually the good days will outnumber the bad ones.
Keep posting and reading. It helped me a lot. Once you've gone through this initial awful part of the healing process, you'll become stronger. In ways, I think I'm stronger now than I was before I met my NH. Just remember, you're not alone... Big huge hugs to you, pendra!
There is a whole biological process that goes along with being love bombed your dopamine levels go through the roof. A study was done into this, brain scans showed exactly the same areas of the brain lit up when people were shown photos of the person they loved as was those addicted to cocaine or amphetamines.
So unfortunately this means a period of withdrawal.
I was addicted I checked my phone constantly,slept with it under my pillow, checked my emails and looked out the front door a million times. My mind was plagued with thoughts of him I too thought I was going insane it was pure addiction and it was tough.
I finally took a scientific approach I had to get through this withdrawal and reprogram my brain I downloaded some guided hypnosis by Roger Elliot from Uncommon Knowledge and listened to it 3 times a day. Then I would set up rewards for myself " if I get to Friday without contact etc I will go and have a massage" I would pack on overnight bag and go and stay with my cousin and his 4 very loud children for a few nights. I watched back to back comedies on TV and mixed with people who make me laugh. Every day I would do some exercise not the kind I did before when the P was around but something different I took up rowing! I spent more time in the water than on the water and I am not a strong swimmer so the whole thing was quite hilarious to watch and the exercise was great for my serotonin. Then there were days when I just crashed emotionally and so I cried and I cried hard.
You are in recovery Pendra this is a really difficult time you have to be easy on yourself and hold yourself kindly try and stay mindful and absorb yourself in what you are doing even the simple things like taking a shower. Dr Russ Harris has two great book on being mindful and teaches you skills to stay mindful when your brain has other ideas.
Trust me when I say YOU WILL RECOVER and when you come out of it you will see the world differently and that my friend is a truly amazing time. The people here at Survivors are all with you Spirit and Bella are wonderful people and everyone here is on your side so check in regularly and read other peoples stories too. I found helping others very empowering so let your empathy flow we all need lots of it babes!
Love and hugs and you are in my prayers / meditations
Star