SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
So back to the same theme for those who have been following me and kindly helping me or giving suggestions. My dogs and the fact that my ex has estranged me from them completely and will now not even let me see the and remember I own them officially, have the paperwork, paid for them - they are realistically my dogs and they are the only remaining connector point with him and I will not give them up or give them to him or have him take them from me as his final act under any circumstances.
The latest development is he will now have absolutely nothing to do with me, nothing, not entertain a phone call, text or email - and I KNOW the idea is that I am not supposed to be contacting him in any way either. But the fact is that with him withholding my dogs, his reign of terror, underminement, diminishment, autocracy, control and intimidation now continues with me outside the relationship, after its end. His absolute cut off of me in terms of any communication or negotiation around my dogs has just gutted me and continues to. I know at some stage I was using the dogs as an excuse to remain in contact with him or to reach some kind of closure or to withdraw from him as if I were getting off a drug.. I dont feel the need to do that any more at all, but I am going out of my mind about my dogs.
I have begged him pleaded begged that he let me see them - I am living in a house where there is space for them to come and my landlord is happy they come, for a weekend, or a day or even one fucking hour a week. But he is not interested - says I am unstable and that as long as he considers me so the dogs will not be exposed to me. I even got my long time therapist to call him because I asked him for advice and he understood my point of view, of how in fact, the ultimate goal has to be to remove any kind of association with the ex from my life because it is detrimental to my mental and emotional health and the themes of behaviour I mention above are those very actions and themes that broke me down in the relationship and were part of his abuse, so that they continue through the dogs is not healthy for me.
I am not in a position to go and fetch the dogs legally (though that of course is my right since I own them) because I dont yet have a home of my own to take them to and I can't bring them to the house I am in permanently, so until I get back on my feet I have to leave them with him on his property and one thing I can rest assured about is that they are in good hands with him, he adores them, takes care of them, walks them daily and more.
I ended up in hospital last week after a collapse of sorts and the psyche there said she believes that with all I have gone through in the last five years, plus my cancer, and the ongoing 13 years of abuse, I have suffered a nervous breakdown of sorts, and am having an abnormally delayed healing achievement to all that I have been through. I know that to heal more and more one of the key and crucial things I have to do is to get him out of my life completely and no longer remain exposed to his same themes of abuse. You can imagine how worthless, unheard, dismissed I feel as he holds my dogs but has now cut me off from them completely.....how his lack of empathy as is typical of these people we know, has no regard for my feelings or the fact that my therapist, a medical professional said to him that what he is doing is not good for my aim to become more and more stable or for me to achieve healing - but he simply was not even interested in that. He is a law unto himself.
As said, I had even got to the point of begging him to just give me one hour a week when we signed an agreement that we would both have co-access to the dogs even if a third party did the hand over each time, from him to me and me to him, so we did not see each other. He will not even give me one hour a week or work on this basis.
I just dont know what to do and the effect of this is constantly breaking me down and affecting my ability to reach a stronger place. The hatred I feel for him and his dismissiveness of me is beyond measure. I know the idea could be that I simply surrender to the fact that I can't see the dogs for now, for however many months, and that instead my focus must be on healing and getting stronger and when I am then I can act again - but imagine how his continued abuse themes prevent that................
I dont know what to do.
Would love some suggestions
The latest development is he will now have absolutely nothing to do with me, nothing, not entertain a phone call, text or email - and I KNOW the idea is that I am not supposed to be contacting him in any way either. But the fact is that with him withholding my dogs, his reign of terror, underminement, diminishment, autocracy, control and intimidation now continues with me outside the relationship, after its end. His absolute cut off of me in terms of any communication or negotiation around my dogs has just gutted me and continues to. I know at some stage I was using the dogs as an excuse to remain in contact with him or to reach some kind of closure or to withdraw from him as if I were getting off a drug.. I dont feel the need to do that any more at all, but I am going out of my mind about my dogs.
I have begged him pleaded begged that he let me see them - I am living in a house where there is space for them to come and my landlord is happy they come, for a weekend, or a day or even one fucking hour a week. But he is not interested - says I am unstable and that as long as he considers me so the dogs will not be exposed to me. I even got my long time therapist to call him because I asked him for advice and he understood my point of view, of how in fact, the ultimate goal has to be to remove any kind of association with the ex from my life because it is detrimental to my mental and emotional health and the themes of behaviour I mention above are those very actions and themes that broke me down in the relationship and were part of his abuse, so that they continue through the dogs is not healthy for me.
I am not in a position to go and fetch the dogs legally (though that of course is my right since I own them) because I dont yet have a home of my own to take them to and I can't bring them to the house I am in permanently, so until I get back on my feet I have to leave them with him on his property and one thing I can rest assured about is that they are in good hands with him, he adores them, takes care of them, walks them daily and more.
I ended up in hospital last week after a collapse of sorts and the psyche there said she believes that with all I have gone through in the last five years, plus my cancer, and the ongoing 13 years of abuse, I have suffered a nervous breakdown of sorts, and am having an abnormally delayed healing achievement to all that I have been through. I know that to heal more and more one of the key and crucial things I have to do is to get him out of my life completely and no longer remain exposed to his same themes of abuse. You can imagine how worthless, unheard, dismissed I feel as he holds my dogs but has now cut me off from them completely.....how his lack of empathy as is typical of these people we know, has no regard for my feelings or the fact that my therapist, a medical professional said to him that what he is doing is not good for my aim to become more and more stable or for me to achieve healing - but he simply was not even interested in that. He is a law unto himself.
As said, I had even got to the point of begging him to just give me one hour a week when we signed an agreement that we would both have co-access to the dogs even if a third party did the hand over each time, from him to me and me to him, so we did not see each other. He will not even give me one hour a week or work on this basis.
I just dont know what to do and the effect of this is constantly breaking me down and affecting my ability to reach a stronger place. The hatred I feel for him and his dismissiveness of me is beyond measure. I know the idea could be that I simply surrender to the fact that I can't see the dogs for now, for however many months, and that instead my focus must be on healing and getting stronger and when I am then I can act again - but imagine how his continued abuse themes prevent that................
I dont know what to do.
Would love some suggestions
Unfortunately ,yes what he's doing with those dogs is keeping them for control because he knows u love them
So so much... Like some men do with children after a break up or divorce....its very unfortunate but that's exactly what he's doing here..... As hard as it may be too do u may need to go to the pound and get u another dog u can love and show him u can love again without him and unfortunately the dogs u once loved u honestly may have too let the dogs u once had go as sad as that may be for u ..... But u may have to let those dogs go
Along with you're ex because seems to me he's never going to quit trying to get under you're skin thru those dogs......mabey if u quit ....asking about the dogs he would eventually say to himself hummm I can't get too her
The the dogs no more and eventually give up and give in and give u you're dogs back but I say in the mean time get a new dog ...learn to love that dog .....ignore you're ex and he may come running to u with you're dogs....try that k ! Best of luck to u ! Hugs