SURVIVORS OF SOCIOPATHS Community Group
A group where we support one another and share our experiences with each other about narcissistic relationships. a place to heal if you have been "touched" by a sociopath. there is hope. share your experience strength and hope here with others who have been where you are. together we help each other heal...
My mom is in the hospital for the second time today in two days.
She has pain all over her body. The doctors don't know what it is.
When I rushed from work to see her today....she was delirious, having hallucinations...she couldn't even speak English. She was just babbling...making sounds.
I fear that I have lost my mother for good. And although she may still be here on this earth....I have just spent four hours talking to someone who is in a nearly vegetative state
She couldn't speak, she couldn't recognize me, she ripped her gown off and ripper her IV out of her arm. She didn't know where she was...
she was gone.
I have spent SO many hours. SO MANY. On this site, talking about my ex, giving him so much fucking power over my thoughts.
And I realized today, sitting there beside my poor helpless, weak mother who was in excruciating pain and unable to even see the world around her.
That none of it matters. NONE OF IT.
Because when you are put in a situation where your family or your life can be taken away from you...
then thats ALL that matters.
I don't give a shit about this asshole who ripped my heart out and took away six months of my life.
I will be sitting here praying that I will see the mother I know and love tomorrow....
She's all I care about now. My family, who I have taken for granted so many times, is all I need in my life.
THAT is unconditional love. The kind of love you will have for your family and receive from them in return, and the love you will have for yourself. I vow from this point on to bury that asshole in the darkest deepest part of my memories and focus on whats important in my life.
She has pain all over her body. The doctors don't know what it is.
When I rushed from work to see her today....she was delirious, having hallucinations...she couldn't even speak English. She was just babbling...making sounds.
I fear that I have lost my mother for good. And although she may still be here on this earth....I have just spent four hours talking to someone who is in a nearly vegetative state
She couldn't speak, she couldn't recognize me, she ripped her gown off and ripper her IV out of her arm. She didn't know where she was...
she was gone.
I have spent SO many hours. SO MANY. On this site, talking about my ex, giving him so much fucking power over my thoughts.
And I realized today, sitting there beside my poor helpless, weak mother who was in excruciating pain and unable to even see the world around her.
That none of it matters. NONE OF IT.
Because when you are put in a situation where your family or your life can be taken away from you...
then thats ALL that matters.
I don't give a shit about this asshole who ripped my heart out and took away six months of my life.
I will be sitting here praying that I will see the mother I know and love tomorrow....
She's all I care about now. My family, who I have taken for granted so many times, is all I need in my life.
THAT is unconditional love. The kind of love you will have for your family and receive from them in return, and the love you will have for yourself. I vow from this point on to bury that asshole in the darkest deepest part of my memories and focus on whats important in my life.
The night I created my post I really thought I had lost her. My worst fear was that she had a severe stroke and that she was gone................
I didn't sleep all night. I've been in and out of the hospital for three straight days. She is very weak. She had what the doctors say is diabetic acidosis, which is in short, when your body doesn't get enough insulin and your body just starts attacking itself, eating away at the fat tissue, etc.
She was in such severe pain that she went into shock and started hallucinating and was just completely gone.
I am so grateful that she is back now and I pray to god that she will be better as the days go on. It was honestly the scariest night of my life. I hope to never take her for granted again...and I do want to put my family first from now on.
I have tried to take over her role as the "housewife" for my grandmother, my brother, my dad, for the past few days. Doing laundry/dinner/dishes/changing the sheets/everything else.
I want to take over these things anyway when shes back home.
In terms of my own improvement.......
I have been torn. A part of me was like....fuck my ex. My mom is in trouble, shes all I care about right now. And another part of me wanted to call him and reach out to him and be like...help me. I want your comfort, I don't want to be alone tonight. I want to be held, I want to come back, I want you to see the pain I'm in and take me back..........
I didn't reach out to him. I knew that he wouldn't care if I lived or died tomorrow or if anyone in my family was in trouble. If I did reach out to him he would probably think I was making it up for attention.
I know I promised myself that I would put him completely behind me and that I would change my entire life but I realize that Rome wasn't built in a day....
I'm still very depressed. And although I want to completely shut him off from my thoughts and memories he is still very much present in my thoughts.....
I have to take things a day at a time. I have to keep posting on here to maintain my sanity. I need the support of all of you who understand my pain and can be there for me and who I want to help in the best way that I can. I feel like i have found friends here...like I have a community here to talk to when I'm in need. Thank you all for everything. I would be lost without all of you
I appreciate all of your kind words. You are truly a sweetheart and an optimist and a fighter. I am glad I didn't reach out to my ex. In a way I'm glad I acted so desperately and texted him all of my feelings of wanting him back and how I wanted to change for him and missed him and was met with him ignoring my texts....because now, several months later, I know I have NOTHING left to say to him. And when I tried to get him back, I REALLY tried everything. Wrote him pages upon pages of texts glorifying him and our relationship and telling him how amazing he was and how I missed him etc.
Knowing that he ignored me completely, slept with me, then never spoke to me again, during which I once again sent him pages of texts begging for him back and was met with him ignoring me once again..I know that I didnt deserve that treatment. And any efforts I would take to get him back once again would be futile and ridiculous. No one deserves to be treated that way.
At this point I am trying to focus on my family and I am grateful that my mom is still here and on her way to recovery. I only hope that this experience will better me as a person and allow me to let go of any pain that I have been feeling
Thank you for being there for me. You're the best xoxox
To youre right where the focus really should be is on our loved ones ,and to think our crazy exs wanted
All attention on them atleast my did not no more never he deserves none of my attention for when he
Found out i became sick also they found a mass in my a couple weeks ago and i now have to get major
Surgery my ex disgarded me like a piece of trash , the ones who are there for me now is only my family my sociopath ex just discarded me and dissappered, real love when one gets sick they should be right by youre
Side just as u are for youre mom and i am for my dad and my family now is for me. Sociopaths are a pure
wastse of any of are energy or focus seriousley!!!
Im so sorry about youre mom ,I will keep yall in my prayers, and u are soo right are exs deserve none
Of our focus they ripped away our focus of where our attention really needed to be for to long ...no more
Hugs