How have you all found you have made progress from your experiences? What inspired you to push yourself to get better?

Hi there heyvee - I just posted a blog that might help you a bit. It goes into detail about how the narcs target good hearted, kind souls, those who will help them look good.

I'm so sorry this bad experience with your ex is taking its toll. I think it really does take a long time to get over the damage these users cause. Give it time... your wounds are still fresh. Keep taking life one day at a time. We're here for you.

Thank you spiritsprout you're so sweet. Venting and discussing these things with you ladies has really helped me a lot. I'm really grateful

That's right, keep posting as I find this helps a lot. Here, you have people that relate and can understand what you're going through. Take it slow, and remember you are beautiful and worthy.

Heyvee, I am new to this and new to the concept of the sociopath, just recently ended my relationship with him, just recently come to see that not only was I in an abusive relationship but also in a relationship with a very sick man and the characteristics of a sociopath fit him to a T. Plus I have had some dreadful parallel experiences with friends who turned out to be entirely different to the face they put forward. I am currently in despair, lost, questioning everything, in horror at what I endured for 13 long years, how stupid was I not to SEE it, how I was in denial, how I went on a roller coaster constantly looking for his love.

I don't feel good about myself either, and it has knocked my confidence and left me reeling, and also full of sadness, grief about the love I put in as an honest honourable person, I am not a fake.

But as I said in a recent post, do we simply call ourselves random victims held by a gun to our head by sick manipulative disgusting men, or do we look at ourselves too and question our emotional mentality and our own issues, ask ourselves what lesson we have had to learn and what we need to look at in ourselves as we heal and go forward, what our next relationship can look like, what we are actually worthy of, how we can find some self love.

Yes there seems to be an addiction at play here, to a person rather than a drug. I turned 50 today and lets face it, its a milestone birthday and he didn't call or text or do a thing, and I felt it - but how stupid was I to think he might, or even want him to. Sometimes I would love to call him to reach closure, talk the last long 13 years through, the moments I felt heights of happiness with him in the beginning, a beginning I suppose I sought time and time again, to rediscover it, thinking it had to be somewhere. But you guys on this site have helped me see that my call to him would be useless, that any discussion with him would be a lie, that I would be once again placing myself in his fake hands and that I would simply go ten steps backwards. I let go of my beloved dogs this weekend, at my absolute heartbreak, because I realised that I actually cannot have a single thing to do with him anymore, not even neutral contact around arrangements with the dogs, who he has in his possession whilst I move around with nothing, only bags, whilst my life is in tatters. I did the thing I never thought I would have to do having lost everything, finally give up my dogs, for now and a long time going forward anyway, maybe to never encounter them again - I realised that every single bit of contact with him damages me and leaves me shattered, I had to stop it for self preservation and healing.

Yes in some ways I am a victim of a cruel sick human being but in others there has to be something about my own self and issues that I must face and heal too, and work on - and I am already doing that by stopping all contact, by realising I am worth more than allowing someone to break me down, by cutting other friends out my life when they turn out not to be who they showed they were, and more. I am self destructing too, not meditating and going for walks and taking care of myself, but I am aware I am doing it and why I am doing it, I am doing what he did to me all by myself to myself right now - its my stuff, and its in me to tolerate it and do it, and I must face that and take responsibility - when am I going to turn a corner, put the past behind, no matter the allowed grieving time period, or no time period expected of me, when am I going to say no more about what I am even capable of doing to myself.

My thoughts.

Darling girl heyvee I am so impressed with your progress you are already looking at ways of recreating yourself, you want to treat your depression and eating challenges the fact that you can see that is what is going on for you is a big step. You can see what is going on well done if you couldn't see it that I would be worried.
Baby steps girl, this is all about you now and don't waste a single shred of your precious energy thinking about that Psychopath that tried to destroy you save it for yourself. Every day just do one thing for yourself it can be very simple and its good for staying mindful for a little while and giving your brain a break from all the negative stuff. Gradually this will gain momentum and slowly your days will start to have meaning again. I was medicated for the depression in the early days of grief and it helped but I had to go through a few different types I may be preaching to the choir here but if your meds aren't helping ask the Dr for something else.
Give yourself some credit you have been through a very painful experience it takes time to heal and get some sort of normality back IT WILL HAPPEN this does not define you quite the opposite trust me when I say you will come out of this more powerful and more energetic than you have ever been before.
Its just so typical of the P to twist the knife they are so addicted to seeing us in pain and all because deep down they loathe themselves its to hard for them to step out of the darkness so they try to drag us all into their world, thank God its over for you and you can now think about you without his dramatics and piss weak performances.
We are here for you this day will pass and you will be a day closer to the new you and thats something to look forward to.
Love you girl
Star xo

Heyvee, sweet thing. You have entirely too much going on and are entirely too hard on yourself.

Depression, well, it just sucks. And nothing sucks worse than trying to talk yourself out of it. Been there done that. It just takes baby steps.
My baby step was showering, and getting outside, daily. Even if it meant just letting the water run over me, and walking my lazy-robed ass onto the back porch to sit for a while. That is what I did. You would be amazed at what the change of scenery can do. Plus, being outside, allows your mind to wander, to escape the dungeony hell that has become your bedroom. Notice the birds, the people walking, the sky. Just take deep breaths and let your mind enjoy the distraction. It is kind of like letting a scrape on your knee alone to heal. Staying in bed, and allowing your negative self talk, is just like picking at a scab.

When you get over this hump, and are a little stronger, you will start to see what a douche your ex is. You know the spoiled little brat kid, who acts good to get the toys he wants? The same shit kid who mistreats the toys he got because he tricked his parents into buying for him? That same asshole kid, who is no longer interested in his beat-up, mistreated toy, and starts cleaning up his act to trick mom and dad into buying him the new shiny object of his desires? We all know he will do the same thing to the new toy....That jackass kid, is your ex. Any new person is a toy that he really doesn't care for, he just thought it would make him happy. And even if this new girl IS a beautiful, marathon running supermodel... she has no worth to him and will one day join you binge eating on a bed somewhere. It will be ok...

heyvee, I agree with stargone. Try to do something nice for yourself each day. That is what I have been doing. And as Rae says, get out and about! It is a fact that getting away. being surrounded by nature, it lowers our stress hormones and is very healing after 2 hours spent listening to the birds and being surrounded by trees. Please try it and ease your mind! The new supply my ex found was posting up pics of the two of them on FB the other day. Even though I blocked them both, for some reason it showed messages from the past in my archives and I could see their new profile pic. And then I looked, and I shouldn't have. He wouldn't take any pics with me! I know I am a fairly attractive woman, but it made me feel not good enough for him. I cried that night. I can't delete the archives! Uggh...I just have to not open that particular inbox again or totally make a new account. But in reality, she is no better than I. And she will go through the same. And honestly, after looking at him, I feel no attraction. He was never a gorgeous man, I fell for his fake personality. So now he just disgusts me in every way. Don't compare yourself to any other woman ever again. You are special and unique and you have a heart of gold. You deserve more. If anything I feel sorry for these other woman b/c they have no idea what's going to hit them.

I agree with KateLl81 this other women have no idea what roller coster ride they are in for and
What they just got there self into it will hit them slap in the face in the end also just think while
Thats happening to them u may be on with youre life and happy by then so look at the bright
Side , just try and look at it as a hard lesson learned and be more careful next time you u allow
To even call u there girlfriend , thats what im going to do try and make way better choices the next
Go around and be way more selective as of who i even allow to begin to even call me there girlfriend
This time around I will not allow anyone to rush me into anything, because I just wasted 2 yrs
Of my life on a very sick man also.... BIG HUGS hang in there !

Today I decided to treat myself better by eating healthier. I visited my mom at the hospital and am happy she seems to be doing better. I'm going to do my best to think positive. Tonight I'm going to go on a long walk with my dog. My thoughts and prayers go out to you all. I don't know what I would do without all of your support

Hope that walk was nice! =) Hugs and prayers for you too!

I've got to start taking in an occasional movie. I'll obviously be a bit picky. Don't want to walk out of the thearter depresed. Also the theater is air conditionned. YEAH! Got to mark that in my calender or I'll forget! and find something crazy to do. That isn't hard for me at times.

i agree with everyone else do one thing each day for you. if your weight is upsetting you then work on eating more healthy, he is ugly inside and he cant fix that ever at least you can lose weight. ( sort of a joke, probably not funny right now.). seriously, your beautiful and you will meet someone that loves you for you one day soon. he is a very superficial man and those kind of people can cause you to hate yourself. dont. he isnt worth it at all. get back up and start over. do the things you were just writing about here. think positive, go for walks, talk to good friends, spend time with your mom and take care of that puppy. animals can help you heal in so many ways be greatful you have one. that my sister is unconditional love. love has no conditions remember that.