i had some fragments of memories after the accident but nothing that made sense it took abuot 6 months for more of them to make a picture what i remembor now only confirms what every one was telling me and what is in the DOT accident report that i did all that was posible in the time and situation that was in front of me but cuold not believe it becuase of that what if factor what if yuo had done this what if yuo had done that cuold it have made a differents when yuo cant remember this teers yuo apart inside but now the memories enforce what every one has been telling me and to some degree it is a releif to know i did every thing i cuold but now i have those memories wich come back as flashbacks and nitemares as for the topic i will say yes it is good to know for myself that i did everything i cuold i may not have been able to do anything for those in the suv but i think of those others on the road that day and am thankful no one else was envolved but reliveing that moment in time comes with nitemarse and flashbacks but i am thankful that i do have that memorie but i feel curset at the same time now i will relive that moment foreverit will be part of me something i canot delet just my thuoghts
Are you having flashbacks?
are you having trouble sleeping, nightmares?
do you startle super easy?
Mine dogged me for 8 long years even though I never had anything close to PTSD. It's only at the point where the emotions were separated from the memories that turned the whole thing around for me.
If you don't think you have PTSD, you're basically going to need the whole thing run its course. As strange as it sounds, the brain really does know how to work this all out, and your job is basically to try not drive your own self crazy as your brain plays things out.
One thing you should do is focus on the fact that there was nothing you could do. This is neither your fault or responsibility. You have enough on your plate without heaping misplaced guilt on it. Grieve for their loss, fell bad that they're gone if that is a necessary part (and it usually is) but take the guilt off your plate, it's misplaced.
If depression is a part of all this, and it so very often is, it would be a good idea to talk to a physician about that, it is treatable. I was depressed for some time and it was not pretty.
Just understand that as odd as it may seem at times, this is your brain trying to work through something that brains don't normally have to deal with. Trauma is more than just injury, it's also something that affects those that witness something human beings should not have to see. You've seen and been involved in one of those.
To whatever extent you can, just let your brain play the memories out as it needs to, and try to understand it's part of the process of the brain trying to make sense out of something that is very difficult to do.
I'm no expert, just working from my own experience and anecdotal info I've picked up along the way.
Does any of what I said make sense to you?
I"m not saying that to be "mean" I'm just wondering if I'm actually making sense to you! :o)
The answer to your first question then is, yes, the memories are a good thing.
Hang in there dude, it does get better, I promise
Steve