Hi everyone, I just joined this site today in hopes of finding some advice to help me save my marriage.
A little about us (him): we have been together since freshman year, going on 14 yrs in December. Married for 3 yrs. We do not have children. His mother left him and his 4 brothers with their dad when he was 8 and they never heard from her again. His dad was physically abusive (would beat them with golf clubs, power tools, punches, etc.). I would have never known that if he hadn't told me because in school he was active in sports, popular and one of the funniest guys in school. When he opened up to me, we were still in high school. I knew about his depression and thoughts of suicide but I loved him so much that I wanted to try and make things work anyway. We moved in together fairly young (17 or 18) and we had our share of problems in the beginning. Fights, physical/verbal abuse, threats of killing himself if I left him, etc., and eventually I gave him an ultimatum. He needed to change or I would leave. I packed my things and was ready to go and he swore up and down that he would never harm me again. That was about 7 years ago and kept his word. He actually changed! All this time he had been a great support system and loving husband. He had a few lapses of depression here and there when things got rough but he kept his promise.
Things had been great but for the past couple of month, his depression has gotten the best of him. We have hit a rough patch financially and it seems like it's one thing after another. He is in a really dark place and I don't know what to do. He hates himself, the fact that he can't provide for us because of an accident we were involved in that left his back in really bad shape, he's always irritable or sad, feeling hopeless and has even mentioned suicide, which scares the crap out of me. His attitude flips like a light switch from one moment to the next over the tiniest things EVER. I try to be as supportive as possible and remain positive but it is wearing me out. I have been crying all day since I left the house and even here at work I have had to go to the restroom to cry it out because I can't hold it in. He will have his little mood swings and then I try and move past it, not even acknowledging it, and continuing like everything is normal. Yes, sometimes I do get upset at the things he says or does but he expects me not to have any sort of reaction whatsoever to his tantrums. When I try to talk to him about his feelings, he shuts me out. I asked him to seek counseling and he flat out refuses. Today, he spoke words to me that cut pretty deep. He said that all of this, his feelings, his hopelessness, thoughts of suicide, were my fault. That I didn't really care what he was going through and that I was a "wolf in sheeps clothing." It hurt me so badly to hear him say that when I have stuck it out with him through EVERYTHING. I just don't know what to do anymore. Things are not right between us and it is an ugly feeling. I have no one to talk to about this who won't judge me or our situation. I honestly don't know what I'm looking to hear but I'm hoping someone can give me some pointers on how to get past this.