Only advice I can think to give you, is to look for the single room bathrooms. (I used to have to do that when I had 2 kids under age 2 and had to use the bathroom.)

I am shocked at that... I had no idea that any public facilities had gender neutral restrooms.... If there is a place to file comments I would write what you did here SW... Gentle hug and a blessing for you...x

I really don't see a big deal to the bathrooms. Maybe it's from raising both a boy and a girl.

I'm not one to worry about my kids, but there's nothing like going to an amusement park with your an 8 year old boy. One that's too old to be okay with going into the women's room. So I have to wait outside. But there are multiple exits out of the bathroom, and I try as much as I can to keep an eye on both of them. All the while taking care of a younger child.

Gender specific bathrooms don't keep kids safer. Someone that wants to can easily go into the other sex's bathroom.

It would be so, so much easier (with kids) just to be done with it all and make them gender neutral. (Small bladders don't always wait to go across the park to the single use bathrooms. Which means walking an embarrassed wet kid through the park, and being glad that I thought ahead enough to bring extra clothes, and a bag to put the wet ones into...)

Fathers have even a bigger job when taking young girls to the bathroom. Four is too young to go by yourself, and a bit old for taking past the men using the urinal. And there are lots and lots of single fathers out there...

Writing a letter is something I have considered doing in this case. I just need to find out who I would need to send the letter to and how to do so anonymously. This seems like a sensitive issue in this day and age, so I don't want to risk being labeled an intolerant bigot for expressing my concerns.

The groups in favor of gender-neutral restrooms have a strong case though. Hopefully the university would be willing to at least keep some of the restrooms in each building the way they are now though.

I think what bothers me about this Patti is the potential for something to either go wrong or for someone to 'create' an issue... I think that's what SW is concerned about??... I think?

I'm assuming that the bathrooms would all have individual stalls... and in that case, there's really no more of an issue than in the hallways.

Yes, there are people who will lie, but that's always there.

In any case, I'd be surprised if they did away with single sex bathrooms altogether.

My best advice is to write a letter, leave out all of the things that might go wrong, and just state that you'd feel uncomfortable with a single sex bathroom, and ask if single sex bathrooms could be kept in say the lobby or main floor of each building (easier to locate that way). And personally I'd sign it.

Your opinion counts. And that's how I'd leave it, as just an opinion. Likely more women will write in that they're uncomfortable.

Still my point about the parents isn't minor.
http://www.mamamia.com.au/parenting/eeek-theres-a-dad-in-the-ladies/
Some kids need help until they're 6 or 7.
The dad in the article makes a strong point about the multicultural angle though...that might be a point to bring up in the letter.

The best solution out there, are more family or individual bathrooms.

I have to agree with family or individual bathrooms.
I was a single wife (hubby on remote tours or TDY) with two young boys, and being hard-of-hearing, was frantic when either was out of sight. What happened at Walt Disney World was a family took us under their wing and the father took the boys to the bathroom, then the boys and the father waited while all of us ladies with young girls went to the ladies room together.
For a single person uncomfortable being in close vicinity of opposite gender in a restroom situation, I agree with writing a letter sticking strictly to facts, and removing all feelings out of it before signing it. It does make a difference when it is signed.
Best wishes on whatever choice you make, because it's a difficult challenge to face this on a neutral level.

I don't feel like my concerns would be given much thought if all I do is say that "I don't feel comfortable sharing a restroom with the opposite sex".

The change is being proposed due to issues of discrimination against transgender students at the university and making an effort to help them feel safer and less discriminated against with regards to restrooms. Compared to that side of the argument, someone arguing against some of the changes by saying they don't feel comfortable with it is going to sound like a bigot.

For me this is much different from the likelihood of incidents occuring in the hallways for a couple reasons. One is that unlike the hallways, there are no security cameras in the restrooms to provide protection against false accusations. Secondly, if the restrooms are all gender-neutral I can't exactly get away from a female aggressor by going into the mens restroom.


Also, the university I work at already has some single person restrooms. However, most of the ones where I work are kept locked and you need to find a staff member with a key to unlock them for you (possibly due to issues with vandalism and/or drug users coming onto campus).

Having worked in restricted access locations where locked restroom facilities were normal, I would ask for a key to a restroom in the area where you work at.

First, sit down and consider the options for safety ... and remove all mention of personal opinion after you write out your first draft. I did this, and it worked effectively until management changed. So, to make it official, have it in writing, approved by the university in writing, and that way, it will be effective for as long as you are there.

If you have a medical condition that can be aggravated by restroom issues, that is a fact. You will not get a private bathroom exclusive for your personal use, however, you will get certainty that you have access to a restroom with privacy and gender consideration. In several places, it was a single stall, with no locked door, except the outer door, so if I had to use the restroom, I had to lock the outer door when I entered (after making sure building was cleared of ALL individuals), and unlock the outer door, take all my personal hygiene items (had to carry a bag that was secured and closed with me at all times) and leave the restroom clean. It was worth the extra effort.

However, because it was not in writing, my new immediate supervisor stopped it, and the results were not pleasant. It was four months of sheer agony and I was given unemployment compensation after several hearings.

Taking the time to write it out, and sort through the actual circumstances where a restricted access restroom is necessary will help you get to the bare bones of the case you will be presenting.

Rather than going off accusations due to different perspectives, this gives you a base of fact to work with, which is easier to present and gives focus to information the university can actually work with that is professional.

Best wishes.

I am thinking more about sexual assault and the fear that I think SW is thinking about being accused of ..Is that right SW... I know that sexual assault/abuse has nothing to do with going to the BR however I think it would be very hard to undress as much as one has to in order to go to the BR if it is coed... I think it's a bad idea and could be torture for someone who may have been hurt if the past

I really like the way you are breaking 'thoughts and reasoning' down though MidEye.... I need to try that more with some of the things that trouble me at times.... xo

What I'm trying to say that if a young woman has been sexually assault in the past it would be very hard to lift her dress knowing a stranger is on the other side of the door and this could lead to lashing out in fear

These are sexual assault stats

https://rainn.org/statistics

@Mideye:
I feel a bit more confident now about a letter working out given how it was able to work out in your situation.


@SunCloudJD:
That's pretty close to along the lines of what I'm trying to say.

Part of my fear is that the types of women who have abused me in the past using threats of falsely accusing me of things like sexual harassment unless I did what they wanted could take advantage of the environment of a restroom shared by both sexes to conduct that type of abuse against me in the future. And given the nature of public restrooms it would be less likely for other people to witness and defend me against such accusations (not that anyone ever did in past incidents where there were witnesses). There also wouldn't be the protection of recording devices that could prove my innocence if such events took place in a restroom. Lastly, I wouldn't be able to take refuge in the restroom to get away from women like that.

Well, before sexual assault can be considered, it is the basic need of using the restroom that can be approached. I know the dangers of sexual assault and remote work sites with individuals that are off their meds for psychological conditions. That's why I used the base of the restroom itself.

It's so much harder to be calm with sexual assault situations.

You say that they've got single bathrooms, but they're locked. Can you get a key?

I don't want to get personal, but if you have a medical reason for stress (diagnosis of stress, anxiety, PTSD, etc, you could get a doctor's note stating your need for privacy.) Then the school would be hard pressed not to give you a copy of the key for personal use. (They have to accommodate you as much as anyone else with a disability.)

I don't know if you want to go that route, but it's a thought.