My name is Adele and and I am a recent widow - my late husband chose to leave me and our two teenage children one and a half years ago. I had discovered one month before that he was stepping out on our 20 year marriage with five women (that I knew of) at the time. He shot himself in the shower about three feet away from me. I did not know he had a gun, as he was sitting and covered with a very large towel.... There were two blessings that day - He did not take me with him and our children were not home - Thank God... God is and continues to be in the middle of all this with us.
He did this horrible selfish thing eight weeks before the life insurance would pay a dime - two year suicide clause. So, he left us with nothing... and a pile of life's challenges, including a 50K tax bill to the IRS - which he kept hidden from me - he was only bringing home about 1/3 of the money that he was generating. He was an attorney with his own business. We are up to eight women now - all Asian massage parlor trash. Since his departure, finding his secrets have been very hard to understand and take...
His family refuses to believe that he could be capable of such things - to the point that they have contacted the authorities and requested that I be further investigated and charged with murder. I have been judged and shunned as a person, widow and mother by these people. I know that they are hurting and they didn't ask for this situation any more than we did. But, the logic of shifting the blame to anyone else for his horrible decisions just dos not compute. As a result of the this behavior, we have retreated and pulled back. We are only contacted when they want something or they want to judge me. I have been advised by legal authorities and counsel to stay away from them, so that's what I'm doing.
I have had a tough time finding others that have experienced what I have gone through. While witnessing this suicide was absolutely horrendous, the infidelity and lying has shattered my heart. Just for the record, I don't want him back - not after what he did to us. I hope there is someone out there that can relate. I find lots of information on infidelity or suicide or witnessing the suicide - but not a combination of all three. I am in the process of writing a book in hopes of trying to help other out there that might also be hurting. I did find a great book called "Widows Wear Stilettos" by Carole Fleet Brody which has made me realize that I'm not alone, crazy or both! I recommend it to anyone who has lost a partner.
We are doing better, still in counseling but some days are just hard. My oldest is now 18 and going off to college in the fall and she is amazing! The younger one has just turned 16, is learning to drive and runs like the wind! They are both taller than me now and have such generous, loving and compasionate hearts. We pray every day for Dad and his dysfunctional family, but don't expect anything to really change. I would love to hear your thoughts!
Thanks for being strong!