As I always do not also*

Hi, there! You are NOT alone. I go through tremendous anxiety when I leave my husband alone. It is hard to let go of it because there have been a few times when my anxiety was entirely justified and he was acting out in a major way. So it is hard to calm yourself. I try to take care of myself by getting regular exercise and even meditating, and I've just decided to see my own therapist, but there is no doubt that TRUST under these circumstances is incredibly challenging.

Hi,
First I am so happy to hear that, even though this is anxiety provoking for you, you still get together with girlfriends. It is so easy to think that if I just stayed home nothing would happen or "it" would happen less. Unless a person is committed to their sexual sobriety, they will always find a way. We can't prevent it only they can. My prior boyfriend cheated on my when I went away for a weekend with my best friend and my husband has done a lot of his acting out when I leave the house. In fact, the first time I caught him was because I came home unexpectedly (and unsuspecting). It used to really bother me to leave my husband alone for any extended period of time but now I go anyway. I just got back from an eleven day trip with my mom. We are in therapy together and separately. It truly is getting easier NOT to focus on his behavior. If he acts out while I am gone, he knows the consequences. I have given him several chances. We have been dealing with this for 23 years. No more. It still crosses my mind when I am gone and I sometimes come home feeling suspicious but it is dwindling. I didn't understand how someone could "let it go" until recently but something has changed and I think about it way less when I'm gone. I'm VERY grateful for this. I do not want my world to get smaller out of fear and I can't stand having a good time with others being ruined because worry is in the back of my mind. Just keep doing what your doing - taking care of yourself and bringing joy and peace into you life in whatever way you can. xoxo

Thank you ladies for your replies! I have never restricted myself and what I was doing because of his addiction except when I was working. I had to quit my job because he was letting the TV babysit our 2 year old so he could go and surf the net and do whatever. I caught him 3 times doing this and decided that it was in my kiddos best interest that I stay home because this was unacceptable for me. This is the fear that I have, him looking at stuff while the girls are awake and just in another room. It has to do with me being raped at a young age, and I know that. But it still just doesn't site well with me even though I know he is not like that at all. We have talked about it a lot and he is at his 6 month mark of the year limit I gave him to get his shit together. We shall see. He was able to keep himself from doing so this past saturday.

And the year was given to him after he had a two week slip in December just before christmas and at a time when I needed him the most. He was mentally checked out and not there for me at a very emotional time (I lost my mother in 2000 in the month of Dec.) because he was taking time before coming home to look at stuff on his phone and lied about it for two weeks because "he didn't want to have to stop". To me this meant there was no change in his behavior. Well I know how long it takes him so I gave him a year to start being honest with me, himself, and to work the SA program he'd been given. He's been making strides in the right direction, however if I can't trust him at least 75% at the end of this year with our children (trust that he is not taking time out to go and look at whatever) then it is a complete deal breaker. He's their father and should be able to take care of them and not look at porn!!!!! But to do that he has to work the SA program and make use of his sponsor too, so its a win win :)

i stayed too long. anxiety and depression presented after 10 years of marriage. my H at the time was very good at hiding his addiction. ( i think that all addicts are.) without professional help or a lifelong commitment to a program like AA...there is no cure. best wishes to you. take care of yourself and your children!

If it gives you peace of mind, there are programs which can be installed on computers (keyloggers) which stealthly record everything, and is protected by a pass code.
You can also get small hidden 'nanny cams' or small video cameras to place around your home. Some are quite clever in disguise.
"Seeing is believing", as they say. So you will know exactly what went on, regardless. Then if he tells the truth that he did nothing wrong, and the tech devices agree - you can rest easy and re-establish trust. ;)

Thank you Bluemoon. I have set a limit on him showing me that he is committed to recovery. If I gave him no time frame he would never improve. His family knows what is going on too so his mom will ask how he is doing at some points and scold him (its kind of funny) if hes screwing up. I already have the anxiety and depression so thats why he has a time limit. And Only I couldn't do the key loggers and what not with him. If he acts out I can tell by his behavior. He needs to tell me at this point if he is actually working towards recovery. I will know if he is not just by how he acts so no proof really needed. Thanks for the replies though :)

sunny...please take good care of YOURSELF. i wish someone had told me that!

i am glad that you have family backing you up. i didn't. that could make all the difference. best wishes to you.