I sooo understand this statement. One day at a time, I guess.

Even on our down days, that darkness of our own recovery from this trauma, working through our feelings in another day forward. We need to work through it all to gain strength and understand ourselves and why react the way we do. While it may feel like 2 steps forward and one step back, it is still foward.

Your doing great. xx

Sunshine, I know totally what you mean...
If it weren't for my H's porn addiction, he would certainly be the most PERFECT man for me, in all other aspects.
He works on our cars and keeps them all running, there isn't hardly anything that he can't fix himself, plumbing and electrical stuff included. It amazes me how he can 'think out of the box' to come up with a solution.
He also actually likes to cook, he's not a slob, he has a great sense of humor, he's good looking and so much more.
The annoying things about him are minor and I can deal with all of them EXCEPT his porn addiction, and in turn, his outright lying to my face.

It's very easy to temporarily forget that he loves to look at smut and slutty naked women doing sickening things on a daily basis!
No matter how sweet he happens to be at times, I keep this mantra running in my head:
"He's a porn pervert... he's a porn pervert... he's a porn pervert..."

It's easy to love him otherwise - and that's WHY it hurts SO much - and it also makes it terribly difficult to consider divorce. His porn habit is one (MAJOR) issue, which I just cannot/ will not tolerate.

That our closest, most intimate relationship with one who is SUPPOSED to be our best friend & soul mate - betrays us so deeply, so badly, so to the heart and very core of our being...
HOW in the hell are we supposed to recover from that and get back to "normal"?

You know only...I've seen people recover and well. I just know that for my H, it's not going to happen. In knowing this you would think it would make it easier to put the nail in the coffin, so to speak, that's how I know that I'm my own worst enemy. I'm holding on to something, I'm not sure what.....maybe its because of my insecurities, maybe it's because I'm afraid of being alone, maybe it's because I'm worried that no one else will ever love me. I do know this...while I like the person my H is when he isn't the addict, I never tell him I love him and I don't want to have sex with him, and I do know these are the things I miss and long for, just not with him anymore....so even though I know all of this my fear keeps me planted right where I am. still in this ridiculous sham of a marriage. (It's kind of like the I don't want him but don't want anyone else to have him either.)Even though we are living seperatly and he is doing god knows what I'm still stuck in limbo. This is my own creation. UGH!!!!

a tough place to be sunshine...best wishes to you. i knew that my H was never going to recover either. i have been in your place. you are not as alone as you think.

For years i thought my man "only had a porn addiction." Porn was only the beginning... Like marijuana was to a heroin or Meth addict. Once the porn doesn't do it for them, they need a stronger drug. After i found out about an affair it all came flooding out that he got excited by the porn, then went out into the world with intentions of being physical with other women. He flirted and joked constantly and tried for any fish that would bite. I'd fooled myself for years that it was just porn., but they drag those images with then all day and distorts their brain and morals and even their perceptions of women. If he's sincere about not wanting to look at porn, you can block porn activity using Microsoft family safety. You can install k9 on phones. It's a start.. I'm sorry about the pain you're all going through. It gets better.