This is all so suspicious.You know it perfectly well.

Does everyone here think they can fix these guys? Someone posted 'bout porn obsession and hooker use, and they are engaged, NOT bound legally. i can't understand: WHY would you sign on for this? Don't misunderstand... i had an 18 year marriage and he hid it all for 17 years. if i had known, i would not, under ANY circumstances, let myself in for what finally emerged. I would have let the poor deranged man find his way to health, NOT married him.I would have supported him as a friend, and found myself a functional partner.

So guess all the mates here are supposed to find a way to cope, and with the longer marriages, that makes some sense.

But I am going to continue to advocate that those who can more easily move in do so, rather than self-immolate in these relationships. Has it occurred to some here that cutting a SA fiancee loose may help them understand their issues more readily, hit bottom faster, and seek help with sincerity as a result of the loss of the relationship? If you are still there, no matter how bad the behavior...? What does that do but ENABLE them to continue their acting out w/o consequences? Or is partners' addiction to all the drama the real issue?

I noticed a heartfelt comment i made asking a young woman who was being marginalized by fiancee's freakish and unhealthy addictions why she continued with this horrible scenario ... was utterly ignored. Fine. But I am not going to stop pointing out that there are people in the world who may be capable of having a relationship where you don't have to serve as monitor/jailer.

Or am i JUST being thick ? is being a victim/jailer/mother to these poor sick individuals the whole point of the relationship?

Flame away if you like..... I really don't get throwing yourself down a well for someone who lies themselves blue to you and subjects you to STD's just for starters...... Mt husband became a thief, liar and a john, to my utter shock. I did not see that as my entree to attempt to rehabilitate him since he is, at this time, happy as a clam making his dick and what it does, where it goes, the center of his life. Had he begged me to help him change/recover, that would have been a different story, and i would have given all my energy to the situation. That was not the case..... he preferred his prostitute to me and shows about as many signs of wanting to work his issues as all the ones you paste about here.

If you are not married, please do yourself the favor of finding a fulfilling and healthy relation instead and let these guys get to the realization that they need to change.....

Your comments were not ignored. Believe me.... they were not ignored. I believe I said thank you and that I had a lot to take in.... and that was the honest truth.

(sorry to comment on your thread, but since it was put here. :/)

Signs? exhaustion. up all night whacking off, quite frankly.

I agree with boyd-don't marry an active addict-porn, booze, whatever.

You are headed down the road to hell, and are entering it a bit twisted emotionally perhaps. And I say this with love, I do! Women can be very co-dependent, especially. We are attracted to people that are at the same level of emotional health often times as we are. So, an addict often will attract a person who is also an addict or an enabler.

Please examine your own issues on this, please. I married a man who was sick, and I was as well. I got better, and he stayed sick. It was and is HELL. We have two kids and now I have to worry about this generational sickness passing down to them. I cannot cure him.

None of us can cure an addict. If you are not married and have no kids, I say RUN!

There is much evidence missbaba, that says he can not do this on his own. His desire may be genuine, but without the knowledge and the tools to help fight his demons, he will struggle.
Another thing that fuels addiction is secrets, if he isn't being honest with you, then be wary.

We all have our own path, but always listen to your intuition, if you feel worried. Look after yourself.

Hmm... Why is Boyd's reply gone?

Ok.... now that I see one can't delete their own reply... Will someone please delete mine (both of them) from this thread - as they no longer make any sense? Please... :)

You said, He still has no interest in sex with me and is home alone often.

You aren't married to this man, and he doesn't even want to have sex with you? So, what is the attraction then? Is it more a friendship than a love relationship?

SheenRe, He is a very loving man and I know he loves me but has problems with intimacy. I think because he is homw alone often he prefers to MB and then when I get home he has nothing left for me...

The signs you mentioned are all signs I see in my H when he's acting out, except his mood is worse when he's acting out than when he's not. I'm not sure which comes first, the chicken or the egg. Does he act out because he's frustrated with the world or if he gets upset with himself and feels guilty or what.

My fiacee is in a great mood if he had the chance to act out, but when he doesn't (I was off for 4 days in a row) he is short and gets angry quickly... Amazing how dependant they become to a flippin computer screen..

I feel exactly as grrlygirl does!