Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
hope people are still using this site. last post i see was august. anyway my husband and i have been married for 33 years. six years ago i made the discovery of craigs list, back door and other sites. round and round we went for 6 years. i,m sure it was happening before that tho. we retired and moved and built a retirement home on the southern coast all the while discovering, denying, digging our selves in deeper. even got a puppy during covid! he,d say " i only look" and i,d say " but i,m not finding porn, i,m finding hook up and sex workers"! our marriage was so solid and great for over 25 years. we were in a rural area so did everything together. no kids , no family around. no real friends. so now i have come to the realization that he is a sex addict. he is the one with the retirement,so if we split up we will not be living as we do now and actually that is ok with me. i have no family around and am scared to be completely alone. still in the stage of trying not to dwell on it 24/7. going to therapy and getting it through my head that it has nothing to do with me. it certainly does,nt feel that way. after 35 years of being with someone you thought was your best friend its just so hard to pull away.
I am amazed at how similar our situations are. I found out on October 6, 2017 that my husband had been using Craigslist, USA sex guide and other sites to contact and look for prostitutes. We have been married 26 years. He participated in these activities mostly when he traveled for work or so he says. He gave me the “I only look” excuse for 6 months until I made him see a therapist and the therapist advised that he tell me everything. His only admission of anything physical was picking up a hooker on a trip to New Jersey and paying her $20 for a hand job. I doubt that was the only time because he did this over a course of 15 years. I have resigned myself to the fact that I may never get full disclosure from him. We are still together but our life will never be the same. We are both in individual therapy and participate in marriage counseling. Some days I can convince myself that everything is the way I always thought it was...that he is the faithful, loving, and honest man I married and I make it work. Then there are the other days where I’m filled with sadness and grief at what I feel like I lost. Having raised 2 wonderful sons who are now grown we should be having OUR time again. Instead I think we are both just existing and too scared to walk away.