Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
We have been friends with our neighbors for about 5 years. Very close friends, we used to have dinners a few times a week together, go on weekend trips, the husbands would have guy's events, we would have girls' days, etc. A beautiful, low maintenance friendship.
I had shared with my friend some of the things H has done, and in retrospect I probably should not have shared as much, but I was in such crisis mode that she was the only one close by to "catch me" when I was falling.
She in turn shared this stuff with her H who immediately said "your H is never welcome on my property, he is not welcome in our house, and we want our house key back". My friend came over and told me she was so sorry for her H's reaction and that she was in turn sorry for sharing the details with him. She told me that she would continue to be MY friend and would support me "in anything", but then told me she did not think it was a good idea to give H "another" chance when he has so clearly hurt me in the past.
So, I took that for what it was. It's been over 2 months now and neither of them will even look at my H when he is out in the front yard. Today, our dog ran out of the house and went directly to their yard. H started running across the street to get our dog when my friend's H said, No, I'll get him, stay there, I'll bring him.
Yeah, I guess that was the answer to my question.
I am truly grieving the loss of my friendship, but as I have committed to trying to work things out with H, I cannot continue a friendship that is not inclusive of my entire family.
I am just so sad
I had shared with my friend some of the things H has done, and in retrospect I probably should not have shared as much, but I was in such crisis mode that she was the only one close by to "catch me" when I was falling.
She in turn shared this stuff with her H who immediately said "your H is never welcome on my property, he is not welcome in our house, and we want our house key back". My friend came over and told me she was so sorry for her H's reaction and that she was in turn sorry for sharing the details with him. She told me that she would continue to be MY friend and would support me "in anything", but then told me she did not think it was a good idea to give H "another" chance when he has so clearly hurt me in the past.
So, I took that for what it was. It's been over 2 months now and neither of them will even look at my H when he is out in the front yard. Today, our dog ran out of the house and went directly to their yard. H started running across the street to get our dog when my friend's H said, No, I'll get him, stay there, I'll bring him.
Yeah, I guess that was the answer to my question.
I am truly grieving the loss of my friendship, but as I have committed to trying to work things out with H, I cannot continue a friendship that is not inclusive of my entire family.
I am just so sad
But you are right when you have committed to try to make your marriage work that the other friendship cannot be a part of it.
I am very careful myself about what I share with people because most folks don't and won't understand it. The only thing you really can do is have compassion for people who have small comfort zones.
It's funny, my H said the same thing that "maybe it's hitting tooo close to home" for my friend's H
Way back in the beginning, yes i think you're right i was in crisis mode, and i shared with a friend, and she couldn't run away quicker. That pained me for years until i realised she clearly was not a friend indeed. A true friend is someone who listens without judgement, and is there for you through thick and thin. I know this hurts, but clearly this is their issue, and you have learnt early on, that they were not true friends at all.....their lose!
Two quotes which are a favourite of mine, may be applicable here.....
Don't worry about what folks say, they're the people who are finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own life.........
Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. Sometimes, they are only there long enough to teach you the lessons you needed to learn........
Take care xxx