I have had both for individual therapy. My current therapist is female. I thought a woman would be better as we were going to discuss sex and intimacy issues - both my mine and my husbands. It turns out she doesn't really understand sex addiction (although she is in an addiction medicine department they deal with alcohol and drugs) and is pushing me too hard, too quick in some areas I'm not comfortable with. Although maybe I need that???? Still it is easier for me to talk. A male therapist would understand things from a male perspective. I think it boils down to what you are comfortable with and finding someone qualified. I go to an addiction medicine center and I have seen some counselors who clearly have things to learn still. As a patient, it isn't always easy to tell if they aren't qualified or just getting into areas that are hard for me and so I want to dismiss what they say somehow. I try to keep honest and open but fear and the mind are a tricky thing sometimes.
For marriage counseling I love con-joint. You both have your individual therapist and then all four of you meet. It is good because there are different perspectives - male/female, counseling philosophies and approaches to life. You also each have an advocate. Good luck!
Five years ago, we went to a woman therapist who advertised that she worked with sexual issues/couples. She aggressively went after my husband with an addiction model and neither of us was ready to look at it that way (not seeing the use of porn as an addiction). We saw her three times and decided that we'd just work on our own. This time, I suggested to my husband that we see a man, mostly because I wanted him to hear guidance from another guy. My husband didn't care. And, this time my husband was identifying the behavior as addiction. This therapist has worked a lot with couples around addiction issues. This particular addiction might be a new one for him, but he is working with it. He's a bit odd, but he's a good guy and we are getting used to him. We do a lot of talking on our own, but it is very helpful to have another person to help us navigate through this, and to be a cheerleader when we are doing well together.
We have tried to see a female therapist however she called me a co dependent and we did go back. I have in the past been a codependent however I have not been in two years and I do not feel as though I anyone should be labeled that. So the hardest thing for me is going to be finding someone who does not view the spouse automatically a co dependent. My main criteria though is if they have had experience with sex addiction. I would prefer a woman myself, and I think he would too. I am also not in individual counseling. I was for some time but I am mostly needing support from other wives that have been thorough it at this point. I have worked out everything I need to. Most of what drives me crazy are past thoughts about what has happened and aspects of him that have always beena problem, lack of showing love and helping around the house, normal stuff! Thank you though Abbie!
When I started looking for someone for myself I thought I wanted a women. However, I think you may have to try out a few to see who you both are comfortable with. I don't think it really matters when it comes to helping you both out. Every therapist approaches this differently, so the first one you go to may not work out for you. Good luck in your search.
For marriage counseling I love con-joint. You both have your individual therapist and then all four of you meet. It is good because there are different perspectives - male/female, counseling philosophies and approaches to life. You also each have an advocate. Good luck!
I'm seeing a woman therapist on my own.