You don't say if your H is in recovery, but assuming he isn't (and even if he is), there would be mood swings. Addicts and especially those who are early on in recovery may have severe mood swings because of a chemical imbalance caused by the addiction. Sobriety is really the only way to balance the brain chemistry so that it becomes what is considered normal again, but that can take months and means complete sobriety (no sx).
Also, addicts are stuck in a development of immaturity, usually around the time they began their addiction. For most people that means somewhere in adolescence so if it feels like you are dealing with a teenager, you really are. It takes years of a committment to recovery for an addict to mature into their chronological age and for spouse's that means lots of patience. I hope this answers your question sufficiently.

Thanks watchit, no he isn't in recovery, heck he won't even talk about with me.. He just goes on day to day acting as if everything is fine.. I guess telling me over 2 years ago that he stopped looking at P was sapposed to make life good... and I was instantly to forgive and forget.. I haven't been able to do either...

Just because he isn't in recovery, doesn't mean you shouldn't be. Find a support group or create a support system wherein you can development healthy boundaries and be able to enforce them at home. Read through the threads on this website to find useful information about the stages of recovery for spouses and what to expect through each stage. Knowledge is power.

Miss: He may well have learned to disengage himself from conflict. And maybe it would be good if you could too? Tell him oder his own pizza?

Can I play devil's advocate for a minute here?

Addiction aside, I put myself in his shoes for a minute. I didn't see you say that you aknowledged his preference or that you offered to order him some too, or collaborate to make a compromise. I wonder if he felt like his preference wasn't being heard and repeated himself to be heard? But then I see that you ordered regular pizza -- would he feel like his preference was being ignored? He repeated himself again, but then you spoke sternly to him? It looks like you ignored his preference, ordered what you wanted, and then spoke sternly to him because he asserted his preference again. Maybe he disengaged because he felt there was no point because he wasn't being heard?

I did order the pizza he wanted not what I wanted. We have had this conversation before and he knows I don't like it. BUT I still ordered it for him anyways. I feel that I am dealing with a 4 year old instead os a man.

Miss - I think more importantly, what Wants is saying is that perhaps there was something in the way you said it, that triggered him.
Look, it's difficult to live with an SA who is not actively pursuing recovery and for this you have my complete empathy. So my question to you is what can you do to be proactive for yourself? Have you read any books on the subject, pursued therapy with or without him? Attended any support groups?
Venting certainly has value, but if there is nothing to be learned from it, then that in and of itself becomes addictive behavior for the spouse.
I hope you see that we are here to support you in the most positive and non-judgmental environment. We have all walked in your shoes and can feel your frustration, but you are not without power in your relationship.

Thank you wachit and Wants. I know we're all here to support eachother. I did begin the recover nation recovery for partners and seem to be doing well, but it'a still early.. I am sure that it could have very well the way I said it (about the pizza).. I think I am tired of babying him and sometimes yes my anger gets in the way. He acts like a 3 year old who wants what he wants and that may work for his P an his fantasy world but not with me. It just seems that he can be fine one minute and in an instant be furstrated angry and instantly in a bad mood for the littelest things. I don't worry about him being violent (he's not the type), but it gets tiring over time I guess.

Miss - good for you for doing something proactive like joining Recovery Nation. Through recovery, you will begin to find out that you are not responsible for your H's behavior, feelings, actions or acting out. Once you begin to see how you are not responsible for him, you will begin to disengage and not react to his childish behavior. Once you disengage, he will begin to see that you are not going to be part of his addictive cycle. Hopefully, when he begins to see this, he will see that as you change, then so must he and perhaps he will want to join you in Recovery Nation doing some of his own recovery work. In the meantime, good for you for taking that step!

I liked your comment about him not being in recovery, that he has stopped P and everything should be good between you two, my husband is the same way, after I found out, he said he has quit COLD TURKEY and that everyhing is fine, and I just forgive and forget....but I am struggling with that too, like you, for YEARS!

I think we have our moments when our anger shows towards them about all this bs, and yours happened to be, when you were ordering pizza. I get very compulsive with my H too, on certain things, where I will snap at him for no reason really at all....I think it could be a step towards our own recovery, possibly, these mood swings...

And you are right, my H does the same thing..blows up for really no reason for example at the kids (kids at table are chewing/playing too loud), etc....it is like dealing with a child..how funny if you think about it. Disengage is right, it is something I often do, and then he will sit there and say, "how come that doesn't bother you?"

My H is not in recovery at all, never has been and I don't think ever will be...take care of yourself, laugh at it!

There is a couple of things going on here that cause this rage. The first is the imbalance of brain chemistry. These addicts are addicted to what happens in their brain and the rush of even thinking about prn and/or inappropriate acts of sx causes a release of chemicals which creates a sense of euphoria. They get hooked on this feeling and chase it down on a daily basis so just quitting cold turkey and not getting help for it is next to impossible. The other reason for rage is anger at themselves for their inability to control their urges. It causes great shame and guilt and not releasing those feelings turns to anger which can become violent if directed at others. Some turn it inward and become severely depressed and certainly there is always constant anxiety over being caught either at home or at work.

Thanks tls2221. Yes they do act like children, I don't have any children but do have neices and nephews so I can relate to that age and mentally, just didn't think my PA would be in the same boat. I do get upset with him because he has done nothing to get better and he has put this addiction above all else and that bothers me. His selfishness and laziness drives me crazy because that is not who I am. I don't let him stand in my way like I used to. I used to stay home all the time (for fear of what he would do when I wasn't home). I no longer do that I go out, see my friends and he does nothing. He has no friends and even when we go to family events he is very quiet and keeps to himself which is embarrasing to me because people always ask "Is he ok"? it has come to the point where I prefer he doesn't go with me as I feel I have to keep him entertained and can't focus on conversating with family and friends.

Isolation is common for both the addict and the spouse. I am glad that you are not isolating and are going on with life. Hopefully he will get to the point of wanting help when he sees that you are moving forward.