Hello all - I just joined today, desperate for support.  I have been married nearly 30 years.  About 2 years ago I found out my H had been serially unfaithful for about 15 years.  Hookers, massage parlors, a few full blown emotional affairs, CL, various other websites etc.  No need to describe what I went through -  you have all been there.  Since that time, he has been in intensive therapy w a specialist on childhood sexual abuse (H was abused by a priest as a boy) and sex addiction.  To my knowledge, there have been no relapses.  We are also in couple's therapy.  H is remorseful, ashamed, and wants to make our marriage work.  But here is where I am now - how is it possible to have a normal sex life w someone like this, and related to that question - how can whatever sex life I have to offer, ever satisfy someone w those issues.  Almost from the begnning of our marriage we had those issues between us.  Nothing was ever enough. My H talked abouse sex all the time. Joked about sex all the time.  It used to drive me crazy and no matter how many times I asked him to stop, he never did for more than a short time.  It always came back.  Since his therapy, he has learned that part of his issue is needing to think about, talk about, plan for sex etc., even when not actually doing it.  So he has stopped that.  Cold turkey. I gave him an ultimatum.  Either stop that or I'm leaving.  But now we are on to a stickier issue.  Our sex life.  I am a normal woman w an average libido.  I am not a playmate and have no desire to swing from the chandeliers and constantly think about how I can do more and better.  That is the kind of sex life my H wants, and says can help to keep him faithful.  We desperately love each other, but I can't do this anymore.  He wants me to talk in couple's therapy about why I won't do x or y, or why I am not more open to just more and better and greater sex.  The truth is, because he has traumatized me. 30 years of arguing about sex, being made to feel that I don't satisfy him, followed by learning that he was getting sex from others all the while he complained to me has left me really not all that desirous of sex.  I feel that he pushes every boundary and is not safe.  Maybe I would be that way w someone else.  But that ship sailed.  I need safe, predictable sex. I am wondering how others have dealt w their marital sex lives in the aftermath of addiction disclosure.  Am I crazy? Am I wrong? I really need to hear from others.