Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group
Hi everyone. I just joined this group/site. I discovered my H's daily pornography addiction on 6/17, using WEBWatcher spy program, I had thought he might be a latent homosexual before thinking this. He has had lifelong ED is a homophobe.. so I got the program with the help of a friends credit card, becuase he controls all the finances.
Its only been slightly over one month, and this is the most devastating thing to happen to me in over 10 years. I am 10 1/2 years sober in AA, Husband is 15 years sober. We are both around 50 yrs old.
I have a traumatic history ,with incest(older brother), and rape. I swear, I DID NOT see this coming at all. I now see that I have been attracted to SAs. most of my life.
I have been educating myself about the addiction-H is seeing a PHD psych,goes to SA meetings once a week, and is doing everything "right". He states he loves me..best thing every happened to him,best lover yada,yada..I want to beleive him.I dont think he has had physical contact with a woman, BUT I havent ruled it out. I will see my GYn soon.
My biggest problem is the NATURE of his addiction. About 85% of ther sites are teen, to young "girls". He even typed in a very frightening phrase on google search... "little girl P.......videos... He states he told his counselor this. He said it was just curiosity, and where the addiction took him. I get the concept of needing a greater "high" and needing to take risks. He was a skydiver whjen I met him. Now, we are a simple suburban family and his responsibilites are so great..
I have a 15 year old daughter who I cherish, and she was 6 when we met. His interactions with her were always "off". Not overly affectionate--just the opposite. One night, shortly after we married, my little daughter was ill,. In the middle of the night, I was concerned for her, I asked him to check in on her(I have chronic fatigue..had a long work day) and he exclaimed : " I"M NOT GOING INTO A YOUNG GIRL"S BEDROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!! I thought that was very odd, but then just disregarded it as one of his peculiarities.
I have always felt he was hiding something. I've always felt his affection was phoney and controlled, but I thought that was his OCD. I also thought he might be gay.
I am both frightened and disgusted with the "teen" porn. Many( if not most) look to be underage, regardless of the disclaimer these sites might use of the woman being over 18. I could almost believe his addiction just went to this level IF it werent for the fact that , 9 years ago, when we started dating, I was at his house. He told me that in his loneliness , being single for several years between marriages, he would look at porn. I casually looked at his browser hx, thinking nothing of it to be honest, and clearly remember reading the word LOLITA. I only recently discovered what that word, and its connotations mean.. A well know book/movie about a pedophile who married a middle aged single mom to get close to her 12 year old daughter. Also, his first wife was 15-he was almost 20 when they married. When they first had sex, she was 13--he was 18.
I am so "stuck" right now.
I do still love him, but asked him to leave /separate while we both get help.
.. he would not leave,stating it is financially impossible. My daughter wants him gone, but, he is her step dad, and is strict. We dont see eye to eye on much when it comes to MY children(none together) .
I need to know if anyone else out there has an H who drifted into, OR had an obsession with teen/young girl hardcore porn. I do not trust my own instincts or impressions. I have a hx of abuse, and dont trust men or my own judgement. I am the "independent" dependent wife. I have seen my therapist only once,but I think she will be much help. I am considering a polygraph, but he is terrified and says we cant afford it. My emotions flip flop daily. Please give me your opinions. Thank you.
Its only been slightly over one month, and this is the most devastating thing to happen to me in over 10 years. I am 10 1/2 years sober in AA, Husband is 15 years sober. We are both around 50 yrs old.
I have a traumatic history ,with incest(older brother), and rape. I swear, I DID NOT see this coming at all. I now see that I have been attracted to SAs. most of my life.
I have been educating myself about the addiction-H is seeing a PHD psych,goes to SA meetings once a week, and is doing everything "right". He states he loves me..best thing every happened to him,best lover yada,yada..I want to beleive him.I dont think he has had physical contact with a woman, BUT I havent ruled it out. I will see my GYn soon.
My biggest problem is the NATURE of his addiction. About 85% of ther sites are teen, to young "girls". He even typed in a very frightening phrase on google search... "little girl P.......videos... He states he told his counselor this. He said it was just curiosity, and where the addiction took him. I get the concept of needing a greater "high" and needing to take risks. He was a skydiver whjen I met him. Now, we are a simple suburban family and his responsibilites are so great..
I have a 15 year old daughter who I cherish, and she was 6 when we met. His interactions with her were always "off". Not overly affectionate--just the opposite. One night, shortly after we married, my little daughter was ill,. In the middle of the night, I was concerned for her, I asked him to check in on her(I have chronic fatigue..had a long work day) and he exclaimed : " I"M NOT GOING INTO A YOUNG GIRL"S BEDROOM IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!! I thought that was very odd, but then just disregarded it as one of his peculiarities.
I have always felt he was hiding something. I've always felt his affection was phoney and controlled, but I thought that was his OCD. I also thought he might be gay.
I am both frightened and disgusted with the "teen" porn. Many( if not most) look to be underage, regardless of the disclaimer these sites might use of the woman being over 18. I could almost believe his addiction just went to this level IF it werent for the fact that , 9 years ago, when we started dating, I was at his house. He told me that in his loneliness , being single for several years between marriages, he would look at porn. I casually looked at his browser hx, thinking nothing of it to be honest, and clearly remember reading the word LOLITA. I only recently discovered what that word, and its connotations mean.. A well know book/movie about a pedophile who married a middle aged single mom to get close to her 12 year old daughter. Also, his first wife was 15-he was almost 20 when they married. When they first had sex, she was 13--he was 18.
I am so "stuck" right now.
I do still love him, but asked him to leave /separate while we both get help.
.. he would not leave,stating it is financially impossible. My daughter wants him gone, but, he is her step dad, and is strict. We dont see eye to eye on much when it comes to MY children(none together) .
I need to know if anyone else out there has an H who drifted into, OR had an obsession with teen/young girl hardcore porn. I do not trust my own instincts or impressions. I have a hx of abuse, and dont trust men or my own judgement. I am the "independent" dependent wife. I have seen my therapist only once,but I think she will be much help. I am considering a polygraph, but he is terrified and says we cant afford it. My emotions flip flop daily. Please give me your opinions. Thank you.
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