Have you ever found yourself saying one thing, but doing another?..
About ten years ago I had a client who I deemed "the king of
relapse". Week after week he'd faithfully come to his session, and
week after week he would tell me how he'd screwed up. About eight
weeks into the process I finally asked, "Do you really believe this
behavior's not optional?" "Absolutely," he replied. "Then I'm
confused. I've always believed behaviors are a far better indicator
of a person's belief system than words and looking at your
behaviors, I'd have to say that your actions don't match what you
say you believe. Looking at your behaviors, it seems you've got to
believe there are times when the behavior is acceptable. What do
your actions really say about your belief system?" "Well," he said,
"it seems my behaviors say that I believe it's okay as long as I'm
really miserable and need an escape. I believe it's okay if I avoid
getting caught (doing the behavior) and that it's okay if I've
worked really hard to avoid the behavior."
"Do you really want to stop?" I asked.
It wasn't until he truthfully answered that question that Joe began
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