We are doing very well, my husband is still sober and in recovery, 15 months, working on ourselves and our marriage. I am better and better everyday.

Only a month and a half in here. Doing ok. As far as I know, there have been no relapses. Trying to avoid the compulsive checking of the phone/computers. He is trying to be more attentive, but already notice him slipping back into old habits of retreating to watch TV alone and play computer games. Trust is still a major isue but I know it will take time. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop, honestly. Praying for all. HUGS!!

Hi
I have been off of DS for long periods this summer.We are 5 1/2 yrs into recovery. My h has not relapsed to my knowledge. He goes to AA and SAA meetings but doesn't do the therapy that it is going to take to get to his childhood issues so that we can have an emotionally intimate marriage. I am going to therapy and also doing a 12 step group and am currently working on the 4th step. I also go to COSA regularly. I have found peace and much understanding of myself and my h and our marriage. I have not found joy yet. I am still very sad. My h was a practicing alcoholic who frequented strip clubs and massage parlors and then it went into escorts. We had been married 28 years when I discovered it. I attributed much of his behavior on his drinking.....behavior being off color remarks about sex or females. Never dreamed he was doing what he was doing. Our family has been through a really tough time but we are better today. My oldest just turned 30 and my youngest will be 21 in December. Three girls and a boy. They have all been affected and I believe that the affects will be seen later in their relationships....some things have shown up already. I want everyone who comes here to know there is hope for you whether you stay in your relationship or not. You are not alone. There is much to sort through so that you can find healing but it is possible. It is not easy but very gratifying. Hugs to each of you.

my husband is doing extremely well in therapy. He is attending SAA meetings once or twice a week. I am very proud of how hard is is working. Still separated. I haven't been able to find any support to help me out yet.

Sounds like he is doing well. There are some online cosa meetings.

First time checking in. Need about a day to write my saga! Thanks all! You have truly helped me! When I have time, I will share my story of 30 years! Prayers and hugs to each and every one of you. I KNOW how hard it is. We are not crazy! :)

hello everyone. Its been a while. I am doing okay. I am back in counseling this time with a counselor who specializes in SA. I have been working on un-dealt with anger issues towards my SA husband (31 yrs married) Counselor has helped me see that I tried to forgive too fast and mostly pushed all the pain back instead of working through it. SA husband is in SAA group and is in counseling also, although he doesn't go regularly. he would very much like me to just forget what he did (9 yrs of hiding prostitute usage while on business trips and 12 yrs of online porn) since he attends meetings. However my D-day was via the computer so the daily sight of him online is a trigger in of itself. And he chose to use porn while on an anniversary vacation 2 months ago. I am looking for the names of software for this to put on computer. Anyone out there?

Try OpenDNS or K9 Web Protection.

Relapse. :( I think this was triggered by him seeing the one woman he was sexting explicitly for a while out in public. She lives a few hours away and was home for the weekend. I saw her too and had to resist some violent urges. They had eye contact, but did not speak. Last night he began a chat with her and she pretty much ignored him. This led to a new chat with someone he says he does not know. Of course I found all this and confronted him tonight. He has now agreed to actual therapy and is scheduling an appointment asap. I knew it was coming, but am devastated just the same. He has abstained from porn all this time, so that's a start. I told him any new sexting of any kind would result in a physical separation. He has deleted all game accounts that allow chat as well as facebook and agreed to monitoring software. I don't know what else to do?

You set your boundary Vivian...be ready to follow through . I hope you don't have to but it's imperative that if it does happen that you do. You resisted violent urges too .....Good for you! That must have been so hard but you can pat yourself on the back that you didn't create more baggage for yourself. one day at a time!!

I am just learning to set boundaries with my SA. After 2 episodes with the online porn in the past 6 months, I finally told him he was unwelcome to use our home computer. He now goes to the public library daily, and what he does there, well, I cannot control it. But seeing him on our computer was a huge trigger for me (this is where I had my discovery of all his porn and prostitute usage). He also gave up a cell phone that had internet access, and that was HIS idea, because he has learned just how little self control he has. PS I just found quite a few nudity images on the Pinterest site and have pretty very disappointed in it.

that's a great boundary. My husband has an ipad, with filters on it, but everything internet in this house is passcoded...that way he cant get on anything unless I unlock it, he cant add apps, delete history. I was very clear about porn and that crap in my house, like you said you cant control what he does outside of the house but you sure can control what happens in your house.

We are doing well. I go to therapy about once a month now and my husband is always working his program and going to therapy. We are now working on better communication and having a more enjoyable marriage.