Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group

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EmTheo
EmTheo
The other day I was at a dinner and someone said "well, I have to leave early because I have AA tonight. I can't be late because I am leading the meeting". Everyone else very supportively said "Cool, i guess you better get going then" without a single double-take.

No matter how much I comes to terms with the fact that I am dealing with this issue in my life, I can't imagine saying at a dinner party "gotta go to my meeting now for spouses of sex addicts" The issue just seems like something that can only be discussed behind closed doors. At the support groups, people talk so much about their therapists... and I wonder if they do that as much at AA? Or is it more here because it is so much harder to talk to friends and family about these issues? It feels kind of confining... like I know I will be dealing with this for years to come... and so also see a dependency upon a therapist for years ahead... it is a boxed-in feeling. I have even been having dreams about climbing up a ladder into a kind of treehouse thing with no windows or doors. Anyone else have this feeling?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yup-but believe me, it was a long time that you could never ever admit you were an recovering alki-totally shameful. This sex addict stuff has not had the same kind of "disease model" put forth by the medical community so that, for one, stops the general public from being as sympathetic as they would to the "disease of alcoholism". I have my own biases-I really do. I still feel that, this is dog-like behavior and my h is trying to hide behind the idea that "he is needing to do this" and it is "out of his control" like booze is for an alki. I just feel sickened! But for you to go to a meeting? Sheesh, no shame in that-sooooo many people are in the same boat but say nothing out of shame. Be patient, this will be brought to the forefront by the media and medical community-perhaps even being labeled a disease someday. I guess that would be good-I just don't want men wacking off and screwing around and saying now "boo hoo, I am sick, blah blah blah" off to another prostitute then, see ya! Hey, it's just a disease!

I am torn.
EmTheo
EmTheo
Yes - my h will be the biggest boo hooer! lol! But I think you're right about the medical community and media. The internet has exploded this problem into households everywhere. I think it might get worse before it gets better... but I think it WILL get better once it gets blown (no pun intended) out into the open. Not sure if that will be 5 yrs or 30 yrs down the road...
deleted_user
deleted_user
The media really hasn't made it easy. Every time a famous person gets discovered as a SA, they are villified, made to quit their jobs, etc. Nobody ever seems to think about what the spouses and loved ones of the SA are going through. Also, I still think 1) people out there don't really believe there is such thing as SA and 2) I think they still often blame the situation on the significant other believing the person wouldn't be seeking something somewhere else if they were getting it at home. I don't think anyone can even try to understand the crap a spouse or significant other of a SA goes through, unless they have been through it themselves. I think that, too, makes it hard to find support in friends and family. I personally am afraid they will think it is all so disgusting that they won't want to have anything to do with me since I'm still with him.
Learningskills
Learningskills
I really honestly don't think that they blame Christie Brinkley for her H. She's still a world beauty and he looks just like what he is...a weird, perverse, cheating jerk. I was glad it went to the media and she was strong enough to kick his little butt. Go Christie!