I remember early on in my h's recovery his therapist once told him that he did not have to ejaculate every day, and that he should be able to hold on for weeks. He was aghast at the prospect, and she assured him that there was no medically proven case of exploding balls, it was all completely impaired thinking. He was ready to kill himself over the thought.....lol
But you know things have gotten alot better as he has gone through recovery. He started out lasting every 3rd day, then it moved to every 5th day. The most ever has been about 3 weeks, but honesty the poor thing almost did explode, and all too quick for my liking, if you catch my drift! Depending on the mood some weeks it may be twice, and some months it may be twice.
If he is struggling, he says so, as in recovery we are meant to communicate, which in turn helps build trust. I am not always available to help, or in the mood, and if its been a while, or he is triggered or struggling, i don't feel pressured to have sex, i will help him out manually instead (if he's really keen, it doesn't take long.....lol) This is our personal rule of thumb, because i am not keen for him to masturbate, unless it being absolutely necessary.

My honest advise, we are all each individual, are needs are individual depending on what stage of recovery........but i would just talk to him. Mention its been awhile with sickness and all, and ask if he needs help or is okay to wait. Take it from there.

So take the bull by the horns....so to speak.....lol (sorry in quirky mood tonight)

Some men...and women go through their entire life without ever indulging...for various reasons. Some for years, some for months, or weeks, or days. A sex addict? Who knows? Can they be considered normal? I think he can go without any sexual activity at all, as long as he would choose to. And so can anyone else. More the question to me, would be, what do they "want" to do and why.

I was thinking about this question myself this morning... because we are so new to not allowing porn in the house... it's only been since Saturday (really? only 4 days?!) that I told him i am planning on an extended separation if he continues to use porn in the house. I mean I told him a year ago but told him AGAIN on saturday at the addiction counselor's office. So this morning I was having my period which usually doesn't stop us but it wasn't working out today and he was grumpy but I didn't cave in or repond to his growling. I mean, he should be able to handle this right?!! He shuld be able to hold off for a day or two until I'm ready and able again without having a tantrum for god's sake! But he still feels entitled to porn and is resenting me for drawing a line in the sand. Next session the big issue we need to discuss is his resentment towards me and if he will ever be able to curtail that...because who wants to be resented for the rest of their life.

It really sucks. My hubs works out of state for 10 days at a time and home for 4 days, so I can't really keep as close an eye on him as I would like. Upsets me that I should have to keep and eye on him. I think my hubs will resent me, though when he is home, I never say no cuz I wanna be with him. Unfortunately he thinks it doesnt' affect him. Still in denial. Plus he found out he hard way that there is now filtering software on his laptop. What to do,.

Well, I am really sorry about my hubby's SA but if I don't want to have sex or feel uncomfortable with it then NO WAY. My husband had never gone longer than three weeks in his life without having sex. I was shocked. I am a very sexual person but dang there were times when I was not in a relationship and didn't believe in one night stands so three weeks was nothing for me.

We never went longer in the marriage then 3weeks before I found out about his addiction matter of fact we had sex every week for 3 years unless I was ill.

In my view my husband has to learn to controll his urges simply because one day I may not be able to have sex so he may have to wait and be faithful. He can do it and like trina's hubby he won't explode but I think it was more the craving for the high than the orgasm...Hugs

Yeah think it is definately about the high

LOL! Trina. I am sure at times we all wished our loving addicts balls would burst! I am also laughing at "the willing to kill himself" part. I am actually seeing a man running out of therapy towards oncoming traffic screaming 'NO NO , I can not live without my hand"!

OK, I need to get some sleep, I am getting pure goofy, but it is good to take a silly approach to such worrisome issues once in a while. I'm not making light of it, I can't because I am right there with ya..so know I am trying to lighten my heart a bit.

Song, I'm in the same situation. Sunday he really wanted to . . . even saying that he thought we would have Saturday night after the concert we attended. Then Monday, Tuesday, and even last night he made little "tonight is the night" comments but it just hasn't happened for one reason or another. I seriously doubt that my H has given up his little private "hobby". I know he used to do it when I was in the shower. Probably still does. He will never pressure me into having sex just because is been X number of days. I could care less how long it's been. If I don't feel "loved" or in the mood, it isn't going to happen.

Aunt Flo is do any minute so he may have to wait even longer. LOL

Lost: Its good to see you saw humor in that. Im sure once upon a time you worried if you could not please him in fear that he would just go get off on porn.