Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Community Group

110 Members
2,273 Posts
0 Online
/ Spouses of Sexual Addicts. Support Group

book suggestion...

EmTheo
EmTheo
Thanks for all the book suggestions here, I guess I have my summer reading cut out for me. Speaking of books... my husband scheduled an appt with a therapist recently and she recommended a book for us called the Ethical Slut about learning how to grow past jealousy and opening up ones marriage. I had actually already read most of it because my husband brought it home and asked me to read it... but while i was reading I seriously wanted to THROW UP on the book. I don't want to evolve into an Ethical Slut but feel weirdly pressured into into it by my husband and this therapist he picked out for us. I'm torn between wanting to go back to her and yelling at her, or just never going back and insisting on someone else who is not an advocate of open marriage...

It made me feel like a repressed prude all over again...
deleted_user
deleted_user
WHAT?!? Your therapist is recommending an open marriage? Lose her and quick! Open marriage is only evolved systematic SA thinking. There is NOTHING healthy about it, and the fact that she is recommending it is proof that she doesn't deserve your time, attention, and especially your respect. It's all justification and not necessary. I'm somewhat familiar with your story and know the predicament you're in. Perhaps recommend a trade-off as far as the book goes? You read that if he'll read Carnes, or another SA book? There are 2 others that my husband (sober 1+ year) says are the best he's read.

Be strong and STAND YOUR GROUND. We're on your side.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am shocked and saddened that someone in the "helping profession" is pressuring you to read something that sounds like utter trash. Ethical Slut!
I could vomit.
EmTheo
EmTheo
Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels the urge to lose their lunch on this. The therapist I see by myself was alarmed too... he is helping me stay strong... but it's still not always easy to avoid falling into self-doubt.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Em i would be checking out the credentials of his therapist. It sounds like she is only a counsellor, if she is recommending books and not referring from psychology notes.
It's important to find out if she is has a degree and is properly trained, preferably in addictions. Not just some hack whom has done a few weekend courses.
The damage, and enabling she can do to his impaired mind is huge. A SA does not need any help with justifying and minimilising their behaviours.

I guess the flp side to all this is, just check she did recommend the book at all. It could have been an original idea of h's, and he used the therapist as an excuse?? The mind of an SA is never what it seems.
Learningskills
Learningskills
Wow! Wrong therapist. What credentials are in place there? Sounds to me like a therapist who is also an SA. What morality? I wouldn't give that person the time of day. Our therapist certainly doesn't hold with that. He told my H...that what he did is adultry...period. He suggested reading a lot of books..including The Fianl Fix, The AVRT Method.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Holy Crud! That's abominable. You are not, repeat NOT a repressed prude for actually having some sense of morality. A therapist recommended this?!?!? Good lord. You need to find a different therapist.
Thriver
Thriver
Makes me want to vomit also. I cant imagine paying and spending time in order to be set back like this. Jinkies!
EmTheo
EmTheo
We were in the counseling session together when she posed this book and open relationship model as a possible solution for our problem. However, at the time I knew next to nothing about sex addiction (only started learning about it in the past few weeks)... and only thought the real problem was h's emotional attachment to a particular woman (women) he became involved with at work. Now I am realizing the problem runs much deeper than that and we will never fully address this affair issue unless we drag the addiction issue into full daylight and deal with it too. I think I knew in my gut all along that has to happen... even without knowing how to or what to call it. So I think I'll just skip the idea of going back to her to yell and fully interview anyone else before I go.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'd find another therapist. My therapist was adamant about not getting into an open marriage or swinging because of the impact it has on the whole family. It's not something you want your children exposed to and if it's not mutual, only one spouse wins, and gal, that would NOT be you! When I told her my husband mentioned such things to me she saw the seriousness of his addiction and is helping me learn to cope and detach from his illness. I often speak of the "invisible man" in our bedroom. Hubby found out a friend of his is going through a divorce and mentioned we should have a threesome with him. I told him things like that are better left a fantasy unless of course he wants his REALITY to be divorced for a 3rd time.