Yup, but our daughter is 19 & still lives at home. She is his only child and a "daddy's girl" to boot, so I can somewhat understand it. There is no denying that she is his kid, because they are so much alike.

I guess it's like the man showing affection to pet/dog... the dog - or child tends not to judge them, so they don't worry about being accepted, which makes them more relaxed and affectionate.

My H sometimes says that he "walks on eggshells" because he feels that I seem to always be "on the hunt" to find him doing something wrong.
That might be partially true, because I'm out to protect my heart and not get side punched in the gut out of the blue again!

I am so glad i am not the only one who finds this. My H will give me a peck on the lips when i go out now but once we really kissed. He used to be so affectionate. Breaks my heart now. He does not want to socialize or go out with me and spends a lot of time up in the spare room talking on computer to his sport team he supports, web page. I feel he talks to his work mates more than me. What do i do? Sex has been sparse to say the least only bout 2-3 times this year what do i do ? please help.

Yes. Definitely the case in our house. Totally nuts about our granddaughter and our dogs. I agree that it's because of unconditional love thing. It really hurts though and sex is sparse in our house too. But I have read that sexual anorexia can come about too with the partner. Because we know who they really are it is hard for them to be loving and yes, no doubt they feel our disapproval and hurt. That is why it is so important to get professional help and it takes work to fix the damage and make the changes necessary from all of the damage and brokenness. It is so sad because if you think about it all anyone here wants is love and the addict wants love but all of us are trying to get it from the outside in and from what I have learned all of us: addict or partner must first start with ourselves and love first ourselves from the inside out and then we will be open to love with others. So again as much as I hate this cliche' we must focus on ourselves first.

I asked him if there is anything that he can think of holding him back and he says no. I threw out different possibilities and he still said no. He grew up with parents who show no affection and as the kids got older they withdrew not only from each other but the kids as well. I know this has something to do with it but goodness! All I want is a hug or kiss throughout the day, espcially during my more emotional times, like July 28th and the days leading up to it. My mother passed 12 years ago and this would have been her 56th birthday so it was a hrd week. He just didn't touch me for 2 days straight and if I ask I feel like I am begging and that makes me feel even worse. Cynclaire, I agree that much of this is about loving ourselves however I see it as if we are in a marriage then we should at least try to meet each others needs. I need affection from my partner not to feel loved but to feel loved by him. Focusing on ourselves is important but not to the point that it takes completely from the marriage.

Torchwood~ I have found that my H will become obsessed about something else like he used to be about his addiction and this will also take his focus away from us on a reg. basis. We have sex on a more regular basis, couple times a month, but that is enough for now. Too much more and I wonder how it is affecting him. Your H might have a problem with the after effects of sex as well. Like you have sex once and then you are not in the mood but he more in the mood then before you did it the day before and then he keeps trying and trying but your not in the mood. It's a vicious cycle and hard to pin what it really is.

I agree Sunny. Being in a relationship means being loving to one another. Being loved is the ultimate feeling. I would like affection too. There is affection in a healthy relationship. I guess what I have accepted is that my h is not healthy. That is a very sad and lonely place for a partner. I have tried controlling how much my h gives me affection in every way I can think of and it has never changed. It won't change until he wants it to and he is not the one in pain. He was raised with little affection so my h doesn't need it. I do. I am the one in pain and sadness over it. I don't know what the answer is if my h won't get therapy nor does he need affection like I do. I have come to realize that I am the one stuck with the problem and the feelings around it. And no, my definition and my h's of relationship are totally different.

We have been talking about it and are setting goals and challenges up today for the next 40 days. I got the idea from a movie called Fireproof. (it was made from a book:The love there?). His challenge is to show me he loves me in some what each day for 40 consecutive days. I told him that I will in turn challenge myself to find one compliment to give him, or something that I am thankful for, or just something positive about him. We are going to write each thing down and at the end of the day hang them up on the wall. I am hoping that this will give him a visual and I as well so we can go back to this and keep adding after the 40 days.

It is so hard to be married to them and I am finding myself ready to leave at this point. So this and then maybe if a therapist opens up soon we can do that. Other wise who knows where we will be in a few months. I hope that you are finding peace though. Much strength your way!

The love Dare is what it is called. Sorry!

We watched the "Fireproof" movie also, a few years ago. At the time, we really didn't know what it was all about, but it touched me deeply and I wouldn't mind doing that program myself, but my H probably wouldn't be game for it at all. :(

:( I guess I am lucky in that he is willing to do most things even if he ends up not sticking with it for long. He does try at first.