My husband really doesn't want to quit. He goes through spells where he does fine, then jumps right back in. I hope for your sake your spouse is serious and can quit for the long haul. If embarrassment worked for my spouse he'd of been cured a long time ago, but the guilt and shame isn't enough on that but it's his problem, not mine. I work on detaching and living my life away from his illness. I have other issues going on right now that are causing me grief besides his porn use and I just want to be well myself.

I think that the "but he can see that I am determined at any cost." is the answer to that. Now you have stepped out of the pattern of control he is used to...now you are taking care of yourself and your needs...that's new to him. Now he knows that his position is weak and threatened. Now, he has a reason to behave with some caution because his actions are going to cost....him. So, now he has some respect. That's what I see there. GOOD for YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Definately keep going to S-anon meetings. Your not going to fix him, your going to get support for yourself, and for your emotional well being.
He will be feeling fearful. Fearful that you will find out the depth of his addiction (they aren't even often to themselves) and fearful you will be healthily independant of him. They don't like us to not be co-dependant, because then we don't enable them.
I am glad he is trying to change, and is making more of an effort to improve family life. However a PA or SA is not as easy as turning it off, you must work at your demons, and completely release them. I am worried he is only holding the urges back at the moment with fear, and he won't be able to do that forever. Gosh i hope that is not the case.
In any event, just keep going to the meetings and keep looking after you. You will learn some great information and techniques to help you, and meet others in similiar situations.

Power to you

Hmmmmm...."(he says he doesn't have a problem but says he will stop "for me")." He does have a problem in that you aren't okay with his porn usage. That's his problem. His porn/lust activities won't gel with the rest of his life. Other than that, his porn usage will just take him farther into fantasy/lust land and he'll live in that fairytale. My H never saw a problem with his porn usage either. He said it was just a practise to "feel good." I asked him how something that he says made him "feel good" also made him so ashamed and guilty. A moment of feel good for a ton of shame? What a trade. I can see no reason for anyone to stop anything they're doing whatsoever unless it is detrimental to them in some way. Why would they stop? I'm not going to stop going to the gym. It makes me feel good. And, I have no detriment causing me to evaluate a reason to quit. My H figured he wouldn't get caught...so no victims there...and it was for his pleasure only...and had nothing to do with me....so why should he stop? Hence, no reason for him to quit. But, when he found out some additional information, and his habit began to cost him, he decided that continuing wasn't in HIS best interest. He didn't quit to make me feel better. He quit because HE was going to lose most, if not all, of the other things and people, that he also enjoyed. Meaning? He had to pick. Lots of guys choose to continue their porn or whatever and give up everything else. He didn't. He made what he thought were valid points from his point of view and I gave him my point of view. He realized that his point of view was skewed and he corrected it. There's a guy currently on the SA support group site that reminds me of the way my H tried to justify himself. Reading what that man says just makes me sick. He helped me realize how far my H has come away from that mindset. Meaning...the guy is disgusting. My Hs view was disgusting and childish to me too. Now, in view of all the facts, results of his behavior, he sees it that way too. Unless of course, he's the most vile of creatures and is still lying. But, I don't think so. His secret thoughts and actions have had a good airing out where they could be scrutinized and tested for a surity. I think that's the answer. Really taking the bull by the horns and getting it out in open view. We both had to be willing to open the thing up and have a good long look. He really didn't want to do that...but I would have it no other way. I gave him a choice...we can talk about this and try to do something about it....or you can leave. HE chose to talk and air the issues. The cost to him was too great for him to ignore any longer.

I missed the meeting this week. Busy with my son and summer stuff.. but also because I had an intense therapy session that I was still processing and thought that was enough healing progress for one week! But looking forward to S-Anon next week...

Anyway, yesterday my husband asked in a sweet voice (not mean sounding) "did you miss going to your anti-sex group?"

That is his latest tactic (well not latest really... it always has been)... to make me feel like I'm anti-sex if I'm not all pro-porn, affairs, prostitutes. It felt good to see through his comment though, and know full-well that I am not anti-sex. I didn't even let this comment hook me into worry or doubt for a minute... and it felt great to be able to do that. Before I would have ridden a crazy wave of fear and doubt right along with him! Thank you all for your thoughts shared above...