It's wonderful to have support and have people to share your story with. I was missing that until I found this group because I felt entirely alone with no one to understand me.
It sounds to me like you are torn over this with good reason since addicts tend to want to manipulate and control, but whatever the reason, you may want to get to the core of his anger in therapy. Hopefully he can move past his anger so he can see the value in the support you are receiving from other spouses.
Hugs!

Do you know anyone as a couple in s anon? Whenever my h thinks there is just a gripe session going on about him, he gets defensive and sometimes about DS. But his anger is a method to control. I stop and ask myself: Am I giving up the meeting for myself or am I giving up the meeting to keep the peace? If it is to keep the peace there is a problem. Does your h go to meetings? I have decided that right now I need DS and my h can be uncomfortable, that is his problem. Nurture and care for yourself. You deserve it!

Can't really speak of supoirt much. This is the only support I have. And that's ok with me. I never understood the purpose of support anyway really. Never had any. I've always just trusted me...and that I would find all the answers I need. to make the decisions in my life. It has been nice to hear how others feel though. So different from me. Many different perspectives. Nice.

My H doesn't mind...too much. Though he fears the triggers that come of discussing these things, He feels that hearing what has happened to others....truths...drug over time...more lies...more subtofuge...more acting out...ad infinitum...affects my ability to trust him . And he'd like to be judged for his own behavior. I can understand that too. The added trauma of hearing those things...may well be a negative influence in some ways? And yet, I made a goal for myself, that I'd leave no stone unturned...until I conquered this thoroughly out of my life...whatever the costs. Over and done. Never to be hurt this way again. And, if there's a way. I'll find it. No doubt in my mind about that...at all.

This really is the only support i have. And i love the many frienships i have fostered here. No body can deal with all this on their own.....i tried that for years, all it lead to was a stress breakdown. Everybody needs someone to listen without judgement and understand.
Nobody is perfect, nobody reacts perfectly....but its just nice to know someone else understands....now thats support to me :)

I am sorry your h is not coping with your support group, this is his shame and fear issue, and something he needs to deal with, for he is the one who brought this addiction into your relationship. Does your h have his own support outlet.....a group? a therapist?

I think support is SOOOOO important. I didn't get it earlier in my recovery because I grew up in a dysfunctional family and I truly got to the point where I believed that I could make it on my own--that I didn't really need people.

But, the true reality is that everyone needs someone. Once I was able to go to therapy, I had a SAFE environment to express myself, and I felt so much better! Then, I was able to go to a recovery group through church. Super anxious at first, I now go there looking forward to it. Making friends at church has been HUGE, too--REAL friends who know that life is perfect for NO ONE. And telling my mom is something I never thought I would do, but did very early after D-Day. Also, allowing God to be a really intimate helper has done wonders for my psyche.

I truly believe that if I didn't have outlets like the ones I've listed, as well as this board, then I would have continued to live in my depression and anxiety and anger and rage for YEARS. Instead, I've only lost MONTHS. Yes, I am sad to have lost those, particularly while I am still in my youth, but I am coming back to REAL LIFE a healthier person with a better set of boundaries and a more well-defined sense of identity. I am coming back a person with friends who let me know that I am a worthy person, I do deserve the best in life, and it's ok if my life isn't what I want it to be right now. I hope, Em, that you continue to use whatever supports you can. And, Sheen, maybe you are like I was--thinking that support doesn't matter. But, maybe you could just give it a shot? Those walls won't come down immediately, but as they begin to do so, it is such a FREEING experience.

Hi all, finally getting back to this thread. Thanks for your responses. We went back to couples therapy yesterday (been going for about 6 weeks now) and brought up my concern that I haven't been to s-anon meetings lately because he gets to anxious about it and I care about his feelings but that it feels healing to me to go and that i plan to go back soon. This led to what I felt was a very productive session that ended up running 2 hours, w/ my h admitting that he has a problem which I have hardly if ever heard from him! He has always claimed that he is healthy and that we are simply dealing with a difference in values between us. He went to a counselor for about three years by himself. He doesn't go to meetings or anything else. But in the session yesterday our therapist backed me up in explaining to him a lot about the purpose of s-anon and that me going is about my healing, and he said he would try to be supportive of my healing. Anyway, we were both drained emotionally after the session but feeling really good and he said he wants to go back next week at our usual time with the same therapist. i'm amazed and encouraged about this. I know we still have a long journey ahead probably full of more ups and downs but today I am celebrating this progress!!

EmTheo, congrats on defending your right to heal! And the unintended consequence of him actually accepting that there's something within him that needs healing too.

Thanks for sharing your progress and success because it proves that we can heal and be an example for others' recovery :)

It's interesting how our Hs and SO view our healing as they go through their own recovery. My H's new disclosure yesterday is a testament to the fact that they are unaware of how difficult it is for us to move forward if we do not have complete and full disclosure and support in our recovery efforts.
This is a really insidious disease that permeates every part of a relationship and I don't think that the SA really understands that early on (and when I say early on I mean within the first year) in recovery. I think that's why experts in the area say not to make any decisions about divorcing early on (again in the first year) because of the very slow and arduous process.
In any event, you have shown great strength and bravo to your therapist for backing you up in your recovery. Hopefully, your H will understand that your efforts are just as important as his for getting healthy and fully whole again!