Spouses of Prisoners Community Group

Are you the spouse (husband/wife/partner/etc) of someone incarcerated? Each person's experience with having a loved one in prison is different and sometimes the specific support they need varies on their relationship. Parents, siblings, children, spouses... they all experience it a little differently.

114 Members
64 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Spouses of Prisoners Support Group

Advice

honey94
honey94

Need all the opinions in the world to help me weigh out my choices. I have a bf that I met online and he is currently incarcerated. We have been talking almost a year now and he has a pretty good relationship with my daughter. They talk on the phone and exchange letters and what not. I go and visit him from time to time and she doesn’t know where he is but keeps asking why can’t she go with him to see him. I’m somewhat well a lot torn. Her dad has been deceased for 4 years now and he is the only man that she has taken to that I’ve dated since him. She really wants to meet him. He says he’ll be home next year but the time keeps changing due to law changes and so he was supposed to be home this month and now it’s looking like it’ll be next year. How would you handle that if you were in my position???

Jaxgirl
Jaxgirl
Not such an easy cut and dry answer as it depends on several factors. Were you in a relationship with him before he went to prison? If so, I know from experience that makes it that much tougher to just walk away. What exactly is he in prison for? Hopefully not for any abuse crimes with children. Just thinking about your daughter with that thought. With her not meeting him yet it could be easier to walk away now if you plan to do so. In my case my guy was living with my daughter and me when he was sent back for violating probation. My daughter misses him terribly as they already had developed a bond. Thankfully, he has no history of hurting children. Most of my friends tell me that I can do better. I am deeply torn because we are in love with each other. We were discussing marriage before all of this happened. Next concern that I have is what is he going to be like when he gets out. Will he be better or worse? I already know that he may have a tough time finding a full time permanent job like before due to being an ex felon. He also often gets judged by how he carries himself with the tough walk combined with having many tattoos. He will not have a car or drivers license so automatically that will be more instantly put on my plate. He also suffers from PTSD due to the long term prison time. It was suggested to me to make a pro and con list so I suggest the same for you. Hopefully I have given you some things to consider.
honey94
honey94
Wow!! Yes you definitely have and brought up lots of things that I questioned myself on. No I met him while he was in there and so I question a lot of things he says bc I don’t know him from the outside. He’s in there for drug thankfully nothing harming any children. He says he’s not going anywhere and even if I choose to not be with him he still wants to be apart of her life bc she doesn’t have that many male role models and her dad is deceased. He is the only guy I’ve talked that she has taken to and I don’t know why. I do often wonder what things will be like when he comes home but I she really wants to meet him in person but I’m not too keen on the idea of taking her there and then what if we don’t work out or what if we do and she had that thought of him being in prison?