Spina Bifida Support Group
Spina bifida describes birth defects caused by an incomplete closure of one or more vertebral arches of the spine, resulting in malformations of the spinal cord. The spinal membranes and spinal cord may protrude through the absence of vertebral arches (called clefts).
So, i am just beginning a realtionship with a man who has SB (and UI as a result) He has been so amazingly open and honest and lets me ask him all the questions i could possibly think of. The UI topic was brought up for the first time last night, and was naturally his biggest/most embarrassing secret. He couldnt believe (and i think is still in shock) that the fact he has to wear diapers some or most (im not sure) of the time, does not phase me in the least. At the same time, its new to me so i have a couple concerns:
-in the case of an "accident" (sexual in nature or not) how should i react? We joke about everything, but would it be appropiate to just "laugh it off"?
-Should i offer assistance in anyway? Or let him handle it as it is very personal?
-and lastly, (wow how do i ask this one?!) i want him to feel as comforable around me as possible, and esp in intimate situations the nervousness/anxiety kicks in, worring about running to the bathroom, removing his diaper, ect. i would like to eliminate that as much as possible (if at all possible!?) and wonder if i would be out of place to undress him myself in an intimate situation? Or for most people with this condition is putting on/removing a diaper just too personal/ potentially embarrassing to share with your partner in that way?
I will be discussing all of these points with him but i also wanted to hear from other peoples experiences so thank you for any and all advice!! :)
-in the case of an "accident" (sexual in nature or not) how should i react? We joke about everything, but would it be appropiate to just "laugh it off"?
-Should i offer assistance in anyway? Or let him handle it as it is very personal?
-and lastly, (wow how do i ask this one?!) i want him to feel as comforable around me as possible, and esp in intimate situations the nervousness/anxiety kicks in, worring about running to the bathroom, removing his diaper, ect. i would like to eliminate that as much as possible (if at all possible!?) and wonder if i would be out of place to undress him myself in an intimate situation? Or for most people with this condition is putting on/removing a diaper just too personal/ potentially embarrassing to share with your partner in that way?
I will be discussing all of these points with him but i also wanted to hear from other peoples experiences so thank you for any and all advice!! :)
I think what worked for me was that he didn't really push it or make a big deal out of it. He just kinda let me do my thing but would be there for help if I needed it in little ways. He'd buy me diapers if I needed them, or if I had an incident with incontinence while sleeping he'd just nicely tell me to go get myself cleaned up and he would have the bed changed when I came back.
So in a roundabout way, just acknowledge it, but don't put too much of a focus on it. Let him know that whatever is comfortable for him will work for you.