Well,if I had one wish tonight I guess it would be to go to sleep and never wake back up...I am so tired of the fight and waiting for ssds decision.It was a very hard thing for me to finally admit defeat and even sign up for ssd after my car accident.I kept trying job after job but the pain and ptsd was too much to bare.After haveing my vehicle and most our belongings repoed and no electric,heat or food i did the embarrasing thing of applying for help from social services.I have always been a hard worker since i was 15 years old and this was a big slap to my self esteme and self worth but I have four kids to provide for.Social Services threaten to put me to work every month doing one of thier shit jobs ,the last one they wanted me to pick up trash along side the road like the prisoners do.Rather impossible since i cannot stand or sit for more than half hour intravals or even begin to stand the cold after suffering hypothermia.Thank god my doctors have excused me from this..but now ss is going after my son who just turned nineteen...They expect him to do the jobs for the lousy help we get...For one thing I dont believe my son should be responcible for souly takeing care of this family.A parents financial issues should be there own...He has been actively looking for work on his own but hasnt found anything and he has writeing and reading problems that put his education level way below his acual age...Since I have told him about his appt on Monday with social services he has had anxiety and pannick attacks...I have to rely on my son to do everything they say or they take ALL our help away immediately....Even if he finds a job on his own they will subtract what he earns from me...I feel like such a failure as a parent....My kids should be able to go to school,get jobs and enjoy being a teenager just like other peoples kids.how many of you would be able to take your kids proudly earned checks or expect them to work for free???Why did all this have to happen??I wish I had died in that car crash if I knew I had to live like this...Why cant I get ssd that I worked so hard and paid into...I am sorry to vent but I just cant keep everything bottled up anymore.....Please if you dont have any nice or helpful things to say do not comment on this post because I dont think I can handle it...I have had a few very mean and hurtful people respond to me lately and I am already on the edge of insanity....Thanks for listening...
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