Social Security Disablity Community Group

This is for any one that has found themselves in the long wait for Soicial Security. Any one that has gone through this process or is in the middle of it. Venting is allowed.

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lonelyinNY 10/18/2009

Well,if I had one wish tonight I guess it would be to go to sleep and never wake back up...I am so tired of the fight and waiting for ssds decision.It was a very hard thing for me to finally admit defeat and even sign up for ssd after my car accident.I kept trying job after job but the pain and ptsd was too much to bare.After haveing my vehicle and most our belongings repoed and no electric,heat or food i did the embarrasing thing of applying for help from social services.I have always been a hard worker since i was 15 years old and this was a big slap to my self esteme and self worth but I have four kids to provide for.Social Services threaten to put me to work every month doing one of thier shit jobs ,the last one they wanted me to pick up trash along side the road like the prisoners do.Rather impossible since i cannot stand or sit for more than half hour intravals or even begin to stand the cold after suffering hypothermia.Thank god my doctors have excused me from this..but now ss is going after my son who just turned nineteen...They expect him to do the jobs for the lousy help we get...For one thing I dont believe my son should be responcible for souly takeing care of this family.A parents financial issues should be there own...He has been actively looking for work on his own but hasnt found anything and he has writeing and reading problems that put his education level way below his acual age...Since I have told him about his appt on Monday with social services he has had anxiety and pannick attacks...I have to rely on my son to do everything they say or they take ALL our help away immediately....Even if he finds a job on his own they will subtract what he earns from me...I feel like such a failure as a parent....My kids should be able to go to school,get jobs and enjoy being a teenager just like other peoples kids.how many of you would be able to take your kids proudly earned checks or expect them to work for free???Why did all this have to happen??I wish I had died in that car crash if I knew I had to live like this...Why cant I get ssd that I worked so hard and paid into...I am sorry to vent but I just cant keep everything bottled up anymore.....Please if you dont have any nice or helpful things to say do not comment on this post because I dont think I can handle it...I have had a few very mean and hurtful people respond to me lately and I am already on the edge of insanity....Thanks for listening...

deleted_user 10/18/2009

I am so sorry for the difficult time you and your family are going through. I'm sure no parent wants to rely on their children to provide support. Take comfort in that when you finally get the back pay you may be able to pay your son back. Wishing for death is something I strongly urge you to talk with your doctor about. Struggles always make us stronger and teach us (very often painful and difficult) lessons of life. Instead of wishing for these times to be over, try and find some good out of this. Have you grown closer as a family? Have you been given emotional support from an unexpected source? One day things will be better:)

deleted_user 10/19/2009

I am so sorry. You are right, we never thought or planned to be in our current positions and would much rather be able to work as we did prior to our own events.

If anyone has said things here that hurt your feelings, please let me apologize as that is not what we are here for. If people can't offer support then my thoughts are to keep their opinion to themselves if they intended to be hurtful. I know for myself, at times I may type something or say it that was in no way intended the way it was taken. I certainly hope that was the case.

We are here to help support each other. I appreciate you openning up and venting here instead of holding it all in. My goodness, with all we go through to make it through each day, it takes a lot of guts to even tell us how you are feeling right now. So, I take my hat off to you!

Please know you are among friends here and maybe some people either got approved quickly or have forgotten where they once were in all this. However, that does not excuse intentionally mean behavior toward another. We all need every bit of support we can get now days.

You take care and hopefully, just maybe it will come together soon. And know we are here for you and do not ever forget that.

lonelyinNY 10/20/2009

Thanks so much for your thoughts and careing words,I truly appreciate it...

deleted_user 10/28/2009

I feel your dispair and grief. I understand about wishing for death,. I too have so much pain sometimes that I wish for the same. Then I think about who I would be leaving behind, Do you really think your children would be better off without you? Material things in this world do not ever replace the love of a parent. I understand that your back is up against the door and you can't fall any lower then what you have.. Look forward to going up from here. Your son is 19. There have been generations of children who have had to step in and help the family. When we are at our lowest then all of our family should pitch in to help. There is no shame in that. Social services are like that so no one can
depend on them for long. As always the innocent have to pay for the crime of others. I will say a prayer for you. Please think of your children They need you!!!!! I wish you well lonlyinny. May God Bless you.

deleted_user 10/28/2009

I can relate to you wanting to turn in & never wake up, I'm there everyday. I have to fight to keep my mind & sanity everyday.
I've been on SSDI for the past 23 years, now they want to review me, I dont think that I can go through it again.
As far as social services go I dont understand why many people feel it is charity or beneath them, we paid for those services through our taxes, those programs are there for us in hard times as a safety net.

My wife's company is schedule to close in June, I dont know what in the world we'e going to do after that, most likely walk away from our home & be forced to live in section 8 housing. I thought life was suppose to get easier & better as we get older, man alive, where are those golden years I hear so much about.

deleted_user 11/04/2009

I do know what you are going through. We have been homeless for 18 mos. (living in our 1979 camper) until my daughter's friend allowed us to rent a home that needs some work. She is a single parent, granddaughter is 9. She is going to online college and we have to borrow some money from her. She suffers from depression and can be in terrible pain if we have to borrow from her. We are behind on our utilities and winter hasn't even started here. I live in terrible fear we will be evicted before I get approved. I am trying to be a sub at the schools nearby but I faint easily and unexpectantly. What I have experienced is that our state considers my daughter's income and 1/3 of living expenses as hers, so at least they can get health insurance. I finally was approved for state health insurance as well. I just found out that my oldest daughter lost her job last night and she has very very many health and emotional problems.

deleted_user 11/04/2009

I know exactly what you are feeling and going through. I really cant find anything good that has came out of this wait. My family is not getting stronger. They still expect me to be the way I was. They dont understand and that makes me feel even worse.

I have at time thought I would be better off dead....I can feel your pain. If your like me, you dont want to be dead, but when you hurt and feel cheated out of something you paid into and you feel hopeless the thought does come to mind. Hang in there! Dont let them win!!!!!!!!!

deleted_user 11/05/2009

I know how you feel...it was a car accident that caused my back (and other issues) and there are many days (and nights) that I wish it had killed me..or that I wish the meds I am will kill me. The things I put my husband and family through just seems like too much. My depression, bad moods, guilt for what I can't do. I feel guilty for every meds purchase, every thing I buy for myself even tampons, he says it's a marriage and a partnership and all I can think is I do nothing but take.

I am lucky the my husband fell in love with me the way I am, broken and depressed, I just wish he could of known me when I was a person that I loved.

My hearing has finally come and I just hope that the 80 hours a week I worked for 10 years will be worth something and that although I am only 27 the judge will see that I am a broken person who needs some help.

I am here if you need me, we are all lucky to have each other.
Hugs

deleted_user 11/06/2009

I am really grateful for this discussion group. It is very taxing for a person to need to be helped. I worked 3 jobs while hubby (a mechanical engineer) was no longer able to work. This is so much harder.

I try to help whereever I can. Today, my granddaughter and I (she was off school 2 days for quarter break) made homemade apple pies. I'm grateful for that. I used to play games with her at night, but now I have to retire by 7-8 pm, my condition is so exhausting. Maybe tomorrow we can sew some Barbie clothes.
I have learned to take it step by step and to be thankful even if some days they are baby steps.

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