It makes me cringe!!! There are some nights where I kill it on the socializing game, and others where I am just a complete flop. This weekend was a doozy. I'm okay with getting out of the house and spending time with my friends, but when I am with my friends (especially when I'm not super close with them) I feel insanely insecure, sometimes. I feel boring. I feel "basic". I feel too serious, or not funny enough. I feel like a boring personality piggy-backing off of my boyfriend's bright personailty. Which would be fine, except it's a relationship that I'm not sure that I want to be in forever. 

Back on track: sometimes I will say things in a group of people and feel like the whole group goes silent. It's embarassing. Or sometimes people will banter off each other and I sit and observe. It's embarassing. When I meet someone for the first time, or see someone I haven't seen in a long time, I don't know what to say. It's embarassing!! Social anxiety is embarassing! But what's funny, is it's all internal. 

I suppose the way I've been getting through it, is recognizing that the voice in my head that is making me feel so insecure, is only a voice in my head. It's not actually me. Well it is, but it's only a part of me. There's always darkness to light, and we're all light. Sometimes that darkness overpowers the light and takes over for a while. That's how I see social anxiety I guess? Unless I'm just a boring, bland soul who will never get through life without feeling awkward. I'm not sure. I guess I'll find out with I'm 90.