Skills Group Community Group
This group is for those who wish to recover or improve their life, coping abilities, distress tolerance or emotions. Each month I will select a topic, and information will be provide on that topic with activities to work through designed to engage you or aid in your recovery. The point will be to try the exercises and then we can discuss what works and what does not work...
I just got done writing this long entry about how I feel. But something happened and it got erased. So I'm just going to get straight to the point.
I really really really want to cut myself and my SI are very strong.
Yesterday marked two anniversaries for me.
1. It's been two whole years since I moved away from home.
2. it is been one month since my brother, the pastor\Reverend, raped me.
It's been 1 month since I waited hours to get a SANE examination for a rape kit to pursue charges against my brother. Only to find out that I would actually have to go back home during the investigation in order to provide testimony and questions and all of that kind of stuff. The exam felt more traumatic than what happened.
I am choosing NOT to return home at all for the time being. I don't know how long that this "time being" is going to be but I'm done right now.
In two weeks I am receiving a government phone and will be changing my phone number. The only person that is going to have my phone number in my family is my step sister in law. She's the only one I trust that will not give it to any of my family members. The only reason I'm giving it to her is because if something really does happen that I need to go home for the she will know how to reach me or give my number to my family.
I don't understand why my suicidal ideations and urges to hurt myself are so strong. I haven't dealt with this much stuff In so long. I've come a long way but right now I'm just all messed up and everything.
my deep dark dungeon has swallowed me whole. I don't understand. I am getting TMS treatments for depression. I'm seeing my therapist twice a week. I literally just got out of the hospital Wednesday. And I don't know what's going on? I know it's not due to hormones. I know I'm getting all these horrible nightmares and lack of sleep and my brain is just been flooded with with all these memories of what my brother did over the years. Stuff that I've never remembered like how his penis looks and how he smells. He raped me while his wife and children were sleeping upstairs! All of this makes me so sick. I've lost over 20lbs since I've been home.
PLEASE HELP ME!
You are doing the best for you and that's more important.
What emergency would you deem that would necessitate you having to go back for?
If it was a death in the family? would it change the situation? If you would have to face abusers in the effort, the person that passed wouldn't want you hurt....send a card. (email services can do this without addresses revealed.)
Hugs and support. J.